LO refuses to come to dinner!

annb2009

Okay, what do I do? My LO refuses to come to the table when meals are ready. It takes sometimes 30 minutes before she gets there. I have tried letting her know in advance, shutting off all devices when dinner is ready, taking away her toys, etc. but no luck. Any ideas on how to accomplish this?

Ilumine

How old is she? 

We had/have the same issue with SS.  We created a timer.  We have 30 minutes to eat.  When the 30 minutes are up, the food gets put away.  If you do not eat dinner with the family, you do not get to eat at all.

This harkens to those people who are notoriously late.  It is rude, dismissive and a power play.  There is too much to do in an evening to wait on ONE person. 

And a second plus, our 3 yo is a dawdler when she eats. Now, I am not a "clean plate" person, but a parent knows when their child is full or just playing around.  If she is not finished by the bell, she goes to bed with a hungry tummy. 

I am not a hard-hearted meal person.  I always include something that they like to eat.  I dont push new foods more than once a week.  I allow heatly snacks during the day. Etc. 

But between a DH who works during the day and then teaches online courses at night, a 16 teenager who has afterschool activities and then homework, and a 3 yo who has to be in bed by 7:30 because her body clock gets her up at 5am every stinking day....dinner is regimented. 

dpdw

How old is she?

karlahi

Tell her its tea time and if she doesn't come when its time then she wont get any. It's harsh but I've had to do the same with the boys! I kept the plate in the microwave and when he finally came it was too late we'd finished. However he then came and apologised when he knew I was serious, I waited and he ate at supper time, the next day he didn't dare test me! x

EastCoastBride

While some of this does depend on how old she is, ditto Ilumine.  TRUST ME - a day or two or even 3 of no dinner isn't going to kill your child. 

jlw2505

I always give warnings with my kids - my older DD has to have them or she is a terror and has always been that way.  About 10 mins before we are ready I tell htem that dinner will be ready in 10 mins and that they need to start cleaning up in a few mins and wash up.  At 5 mins (or maybe 7 if they have a big mess to clean up) I tell them that it is time to clean up.  Once we sit down for dinner, if either of the girls (typically is only my 4 year old but she has only pulled this a few times) chooses not to come to dinner, we tell her that is fine but this is dinner time and there will be no more food until breakfast and that if she chooses not to eat with us than she has the choice to at least come sit at the table or she needs to go to her room.  Out of the few times that this has happened, once she went to her room and the rest of the time she came to the table and eventually ate something.  I will never force my kids to eat - if they are hungry, they will eat and if they chose not to, that is their choice but once we are done with dinner - the kitchen is more or less closed.

eshaffer

Let me get this straight- you let your DD take 30 MINUTES to get to the table?? Way to let her walk all over you. If I don't get a response, I say it again- a lot more firm. If I have to say it again, I start counting and never have to make it past 3 because DS knows there will be consequences that he won't like. What's her favorite thing? Watching a show at night? Take it away. He doesn't have to eat every single thing on his plate, but he will be at the table if we call him.

AnnapolisLari

My kids have 2 choices-- dinner table or bed. They can starve for all I care, but their butts are in seats with the rest of the family. You don't have to eat, but there will be no snacks later if you don't.

30 min to get to the table is a joke. Pick the kid up and sit them in the chair. You are the parent.

MammaBear81

eshaffer:

Let me get this straight- you let your DD take 30 MINUTES to get to the table?? Way to let her walk all over you. If I don't get a response, I say it again- a lot more firm. If I have to say it again, I start counting and never have to make it past 3 because DS knows there will be consequences that he won't like. What's her favorite thing? Watching a show at night? Take it away. He doesn't have to eat every single thing on his plate, but he will be at the table if we call him.

This, and is there a problem with taking her by the hand and bringing her to the table if she doesn't come when you call her?

Jessys_Girl

1) there is NO way I'd allow my DD to disobey me for 30 minutes, every night.  I say "dinner's ready" and everyone is expected to get to the table. If the kids (this includes my stepkids when they are here) do not get to the table, I go to their rooms or wherever they are andIf t say directly to them. "Dinner. Let's go". I don't leave from that spot until they are getting up from whatever they are doing and coming with me. if they do not make a move to come with me, I physically take away whatever they are doing and lead them to the table (the big kids I have to take them by the hand for stuff like this, but with DD I can just pick her up and bring her to the table).

2) Once at the table, if they do not want to eat, fine, but you will still sit with us as a family for an appropriate amount of time. and if you choose NOT to sit with us then you will go to bed. Period.

3) If the problem is that they do not like what is being served I offer ONE (and only one) alternative.  Usually it's PB&J, sometimes i'll offer something different, but it's always a simple/sandwich kind of thing so I don't have to "cook" a second meal.

4) If child still does not choose to eat, then no snacks, treats, ice cream, dessert, whatever.  No food until breakfast the next morning.

jessicaclare

AnnapolisLari:

My kids have 2 choices-- dinner table or bed. They can starve for all I care, but their butts are in seats with the rest of the family. You don't have to eat, but there will be no snacks later if you don't.

30 min to get to the table is a joke. Pick the kid up and sit them in the chair. You are the parent.

This. You are allowing this to become an issue by not putting your foot down. If my kids, even my 2 year old, don't want to sit at the dinner table, they can sit in their beds until we are done eating. No snacks if they don't eat. Its not that complicated.