No support- Need advice

2011Surprise

I come from a family of all girls.  They've all had babies and all have had epi's.  I keep stressing to them how my birth plan is "no plan" but ideally I would like to have a med free birth.  They are not supportive at all.  They keep stressing to just get an epi.  I really want to try this, but have no support from the people I need it from the most (cept DH).  I know I need to prepare for what's about to come, so besides taking classes, what else would you ladies suggest to prepare me for the pain, endurance, and experience i'm about to face? I want to be trained and prepared ( just like for an athletic event) and know I need to start practicing.

blush64

I guess I didn't view it the same so I didn't actually prepare. I had a no plan kind of plan. The first time I decided I was going med-free and so I just did. I didn't do anything to prepare and I didn't practice anything. It worked.

I felt prepared because I knew I would alter my plans as things happened. I was going med-free but if at some point I changed my mind I wasn't going to feel like I lost a battle. I was ok with doing what I needed to do to have that baby even if what I needed changed a few times.

mb314

I'm a FTM, so I don't know what my birth experience will been like.  However, I'm preparing by reading as much as possible - I recommend Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth to start - it has some great, inspiring birth stories.  I also liked Our Bodies, Ourselves Pregnancy and Birth because it described in an easy to understand way all the different options for birth. 

 And definitely sign up for classes that focus on natural childbirth. I think most hospital run classes assume you will have a medicted birth.  I'm taking Bradley Courses.  They're 12 weeks long, and so far I really like them. The class includes nutrition advice and exercises you should do to get your body ready for birth.  It also teaches relaxation techniques and laboring positions, and focuses on your coach's involvement.  There're also hypnobirthing classes, but I don't know a lot about them (hopefully someone else here will describe how they prepare you for birth). 

 I think if your DH is supportive, that's the #1 most important thing because he will be there with you through the whole process. And if your family/close friends aren't supportive, F@#& em.  Only have supportive people in the delivery room with you.  Most people I know have had epidurals or c-sections and don't understand why I want a natural birth.  They won't be any help to me in labor and delivery, so I'm not including them until the whole process is over.. 

 

momkam

I am sorry you are not getting the support you need right now  I am very close with my family, and if they were saying these things to me, I would just tell them very sincerely how it made me feel.  If they don't want to support you or tell you that you can do it, the least they can do it say nothing at all.  Have you watched "Business of Being Born?"  Maybe you can watch it with them to help them see where you are coming from.  As a nurse, this documentary is what made me decide to have a home birth.  As far as preparation for yourself, I always recommend Ina May's "Guide to Childbirth."  We also took Bradley Method classes but there are many NB class options available.  Lastly, and this might be the most important point, is to know about transition!!  I have had 2 friends who wanted to have NB but then got the epidural during transition.  It is the stage of labor where the birth is imminent but it's also the point when most women say that they can't do it anymore or want drugs, etc.  At this point, it is very important for your husband and birth team to recognize what is happening so you can be encouraged and supported through this.  Good luck to you!  You have MY support    

missmaggie11

Sorry to hear about the lack of support on going med-free or even suggesting not getting an epi:-(

I'm not sure how far along you are, but I would suggest taking a Bradley Birth Class! The classes are usually 12 weeks long and not only give you the info and technics needed to help you through childbirth, but also get you meeting up with other couples who are looking for a similar birth experience. My DH and I took a Bradley class with our 1st child (almost 7 years ago) and we are still in contact with the couples and the kids from our class!!! My Bradley group was a great support network before and after LO was born. It was great to have other moms to talk with and share experiences (we would meet for coffee and have playdates with our kids- it was so nice). Just a suggestion, hope all goes well :-) 

MyaMaternity

Practicing is good but the best thing you can do is removed yourself from the people who don't support it for the time being.  If you have people in the delivery room that support you 100% I promise you that you can do it.  It is basically mind over matter and keep yourself focused.  But my advise is to stay away from people who don't support you at least until the birth.  

cyclek8bride

mb314:

 I think if your DH is supportive, that's the #1 most important thing because he will be there with you through the whole process. And if your family/close friends aren't supportive, F@#& em.  Only have supportive people in the delivery room with you.  Most people I know have had epidurals or c-sections and don't understand why I want a natural birth.  They won't be any help to me in labor and delivery, so I'm not including them until the whole process is over.. 

 

It's hard not to be able to reach out to you sisters at this time.  I know I did even just over the phone.  I also knew that DH was my biggest cheerleader. He helped me through my doubts during pregnancy.  I couldn't talk to my mum about my fears because she doesn't do grown up advice well.  GL and come here.  We got your back as we can.

ljanette85

my doctors advice was to stay active (lots of walking!) and hire a doula if you dont have support. DO NOT let anyone in that delivery room who wont support you! You need people who can encourage you and speak for you when you feel vulnerable and are in pain. It sounds like you and your husband should research this together and then do it by yourselves. I would look into a doula if you can afford it.

RMama2012

Stay away from the people who don't support you, or at least don't discuss it.  I really didn't discuss my plans other than DH.  My SILS were asking for updates during labor and I started ignoring them when they started talking EPI.  Once I made i to 8, I knew I could do it.

My dr  has no problem with EPIs but he does want you to labor at home as long as possible.  At 4cm, he did not send me to the hospital (he said it was busy) and told me to go have breakfast or take a walk in the park.  I actually labored for a couple hours in Central Park LOL!  Once he sent me to the hospital after checking me again (6+), the nurses were all saying how great I was doing and that helped boost my confidence. 

My DH ended up being poor support.  He just didn't know how to help.  My MIL applied counter pressure on my lower back while I squatted.  That's how I managed 4 to 10 cm.  Poor thing had very sore arms/back the next day!  I would recommend practicing some techniques with your DH so that he is prepared with some pain management techniques and then when the time comes, you can decide which technique is the most helpful.  I didn't do this and wish I did.

My MIL ended up being my "doula."  So while I didn't actually hire one, I would second hiring one if you can afford it/you think DH won't be a lot of help.