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Not sure what to do?
At the last court date my Ex said he would work out cs with me and he wouldn't have to be ordered. Since then I have tried to accommodate him with letting him see LO. He is not allowed at my house, so I met him different places so he can spend time with him. I haven't seen a dime of money since the court date. He bought a box of diapers and I think he sees that as his cs, but DS needs a lot more than a box of diapers a month. Plus, I would rather him let me the money because I can find better deals on them.
My question is should I take him to court for the money? And if so, how long should I wait before I do?
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Re: Not sure what to do?
Do it through the court, ASAP. You're being nice to try to get money out of him and you do not have to be! Nice gets you screwed, every time.
Some of us have learned this the hard way. I was doing the same thing with XH until I realized how much he was holding the money over my head. I finally realized that I was doing myself and DS NO favors by not taking things through the court and formalizing a CS order. Do NOT make this mistake. Go through the appropriate venues. Then if he doesn't pay you will have recourse.
I don't think she's saying that's what happened. It sounds to me like her Ex said (at court) "Oh lets not worry about CS, we can work that out on our own", and she agreed to it. At least that's what I'm hoping happened...otherwise there's something seriously flawed with the system where she is.
You need to file for support ASAP! He is never going to "work it out" with you. My best advice: TAKE HIM TO COURT FOR EVERYTHING!
I know you probably feel like you don't want to go to court if its not neccessary, want things to be civil, etc. Unfortunately that will never work.
7 Angels in Heaven, 1 In My Arms
12/24/07 D&C (12 weeks)
2/08 MC (5 weeks)
5/08 PA (7 weeks)
9/08 VTS (6 weeks)
7/09 MC (5 weeks)
8/10 MC (UKN)
6/7/11 CP (UKN)
*CM PIP Girl*
Nothing I can add these ladies haven't. Go through the court. Take the MAX allowed. It's there to protect the custodial parent and the child(ren). I have yet to meet a man who volunteers pays child support out of the goodness of his heart. I'm sure they exist, but a unicorn is less illusive.
Hahahahaha!!! This.
In all seriousness though, you need to have it all ordered through the court and done in a very black and white manner so that no one gets screwed ESPECIALLY your child. Under the table agreements never seem to benefit anyone but the parent not doing what they should be doing. A package of diapers every once in a while is not enough help to provide as a parent. My theory is, no one really knows the cost of raising a child until they are actually doing it, but its also common sense that its quite expensive and even more expensive if you are doing it alone. I'm sure he knows that it's a lot for one person to take on but since you have let him get away with it so far he isn't going to do any more than what hes been doing so its up to you to take the steps to keep him accountable.
I'm sure that there are men (and women, sometimes the mom pays CS too) that pay on their own without being "forced" into it. My dad was one of those men that helped my mom on his own, and even helped with extra things like sports and school trips. That is the exception and not the rule though. Sad but true.
Just to clearify, he had filed against hisself to pay just so he could get a DNA test done. So the judge told him she would rather we work it out ourselves if he thought he could. He agreed. I didn't have a lawyer at that time.
And we do alreasy have a custody agreement. I have full custody(thank God) and he gets visitation as I see fit.
Thanks ladies I guess I was just unsure of myself.