I knew. I never allowed myself to be excited and I was all over the miscarriage sites too. I even said a few times to DH that we would find out that the baby wasn't viable when we went for the second appointment and I was right. I hated being right.
I think I will get pregnant again.
TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!
FET 4/28/2015 - Transferred 1 M embie. 5/6/15 BFP!
I had a gut feeling from when we started TTC that I would have an ectopic. But once I got to 8 weeks, I started to feel like maybe it would be ok. 1 week later, BAM. It turned out that my pregnancy was in the uterus but up in the corner, so not in a good place (although that's not what caused it to stop growing), but since my HCG was going up instead of down and they couldn't tell exactly where it was on the regular u/s, there was a lot of talk about possible ectopic.
TTC #1 since Sept 2011 BFP#1 1/31/12. Empty sac discovered 3/5/12. MTX due to location in uterine horn. BFP#2 2/27/13. Empty sac confirmed 3/20/13. Mifepristone + cytotec. Currently TTA until Fall 2013, waiting for operative hysteroscopy Blog Chart
Did I know? With my first, maybe..I knew I wasn't as excited as I should have been. I didn't really think about miscarrying, but my entire heart wasn't in the pregnancy. I had symptoms, though they were mild - but my mother also said she never really had m/s in either of her pregnancies, so it didn't concern me too much. She spilled the beans on us early, when I was a 6 weeks, and I hated that. When people would congratulate me I'de always say "it's too early". After seeing the heartbeat at 9 weeks, I relaxed significantly since the statistics say your chances are low after that.
The weekend leading up to my NT scan I had horrible migraines - but all the baby books said that's normal. My breasts stopped hurting so much but, again maybe it was because I was almost in the second trimester. I had a horrible dream, but it wasnt baby specific and weird dreams are par for the course). When the doctor told us there was no heartbeat - it was the last thing I expected. But it all made sense in hind-sight.
With the second one, I knew before I got the BFP I wasn't bringing a baby home in 9 months. Though leading up to it, I certainly thought my next pg would be my rainbow.
For the future? I don't know, I know I will be a mom, and I think I feel good about a future pregnancy, but. Honestly I won't know until I'm there, and now it will forever be tainted by an after loss mind.
Married My Love on 6/18/2006 BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11 BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013 Baby Boy Born 8/22/13
My other losses I knew right away that something just was not right. This last one, the first few weeks I was certain all was OK but then around 10 weeks I just knew something was not right and sure enough I was correct
Yes, I felt something was wrong from the day I got my BFP.
I'm not sure if it's because only a few days earlier my good friend miscarried so it was on my mind, or what. At that point I think that may have been the case.
But, later on, within a week or two of physically miscarrying (basically right when the baby stopped growing), it really started to nag at me. Even only a few days before, when my friend and her mom asked how I was feeling, I said that "If I didn't know I was pregnant, I wouldn't know I was pregnant" I also said the same thing at my 10-week appointment with the nurse practitioner.
Basically, a lot of the symptoms that started to appear later in 1st tri with my DS weren't showing up. I wasn't getting more hungry, or more thirsty, I'd had hardly any food aversions, it was just strange, and I knew something wasn't right.
ETA: with my CP last cycle, I thought something was wrong when the line on my HPT was soo soo faint even by 13dpo. This time, I thought it was another CP at first but was so early. So far, I think this one is okay, but I'm so afraid of being devastated again, that I can't allow myself to just relax.
As soon as we were told that there was no HB, I turned to my husband and told him I knew something had been wrong. Up until that point, I had not shared my thoughts with him much, only mentioned a couple of times how strange it was that I didn't have more symptoms.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12 BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day! My BFP Chart
Did you know when you were pregnant that you were most likely going to miscarry?
No, miscarriage was something that happened to other people, not to me. I was so naive. I hadn't been charting, but I was using OPK's. When my progesterone and HCG came back low, she said my dates were probably just off. That should have been my first clue. We saw a HB at 6 weeks, but the Dr. said it was still to early to count the BPMs. That should have been my second clue. Then when the US tech didn't show me the screen on my second ultrasound, that should have been my third clue. I was just so stubborn and refused to believe that anything bad was going to happen. Shame on the Dr. who didn't believe that second ultrasound (which I later found out showed a slow HB) warranted a conversation. They let me come to my next appointment, alone, thinking everything was OK. That was when my worst fear was confirmed, no HB.
Also, do you have any feelings one way or the other about future
pregnancies? I know we are all scared of miscarrying again...but any
true gut feelings about how things will go again?
When I was engaged to DH, I was so excited to get married. I felt like the engagement was going to last forever and that marriage would never happen. To me it was such a huge life change, that I just couldn't picture it in my head. Obviously we are now extremely happily married.
I feel the same way about future pgs. I am hopeful that my next one will be my rainbow baby. The further away I get from my mc, the more positive I become. However, just like my marriage, I can't picture it, and probably won't believe it until it is actually happening.
I was nervous about my first pregnancy, but still never thought that we would miscarry. After our first US my fears began to give way to excitement. After our 15 week appointment I started to let myself relax a bit. I even began to feel our son move and that was the most amazing feeling. I never in a million years thought that when we went for our AS scan that I would be leaving hearbroken.
I don't really have any gut feelings about future preganancies. I do know that ultrasounds will be torture. Even now, just the thought of having an ultrasound makes my heart race. I don't know if I will ever get the sound of the tech telling us "I don't see a heart beat any more," out of my head.
TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)
BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d
Did you know when you were pregnant that you were most likely going to miscarry?
For my first, it scared me to think about it happening, but no i never thought i would. Until i started spotting and went in for sono and the word ectopic popped up... then more spotting and severe pain... then MTX... For my second I was very optimistic until my first sono as well...measuring a week behind is not a good for feeling hopeful... all the others ive known it wasnt going to happen.
.
Also, do you have any feelings one way or the other about future pregnancies? I know we are all scared of miscarrying again...but any true gut feelings about how things will go again?
Yes the fact that Ive been pregnant 5 times and still no baby makes it nearly impossible to feel any sort of hope for a future pregnancy.
When I was pregnant with DD, for some reason I was convinced I was going to miscarry. I had horrible cramps starting at 7dpo and resigned myself to a m/c. When I announced to my parents, I told them in a very sad voice on the phone, "I'm pregnant, but I'm pretty sure I'm miscarrying." The cramps would wake me up at night and I would drag myself to the bathroom, sure I was going to find blood. But other than some problems in 3rd tri that led to her being a preemie, though, everything went fine.
With this pregnancy I was really optimistic. Even after the 1st u/s showed only a sac, I went back and forth between "this one really is going to end in a m/c" and "I'm being melodramatic. Everything's going to be fine" almost hourly. It did end in a m/c.
To sum up: I don't trust my gut on pregnancies. I think that being pessimistic can be a powerful tool for self-protection, though, and in any future pregnancies I'm sure I will be at least as pessimistic as I was with DD. I honestly don't even know if I'll join a bmb until I'm out of 1st tri, if I make it that far. I don't think I can stand to see everyone all excited about their little poppyseeds, knowing that I once again might be one of the ones who leaves.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
Did you know when you were pregnant that you were most likely going to miscarry?
I was completely naive the first time. While I knew it was a possibility, I really didn't think it would happen to me. But, I was also enough of a realist to know not to buy the baby books or tell anyone other than my sister.
Also, do you have any feelings one way or the other about future pregnancies? I know we are all scared of miscarrying again...but any true gut feelings about how things will go again?
After my second loss, I am terrified of future pregnancies and think I really won't ever actually enjoy being pregnant which makes me sad.
BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12 BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13
Did you know when you were pregnant that you were most likely going to miscarry?
I had already been bleeding for eleven days when I got my BFP. In fact, the only reason I even tested was because my CBEFM showed a peak reading on the first day of testing, followed by a couple of positive OPKs.
When I called my OB/GYN she assured me it was very possibly a viable pregnancy, but I knew there was no freaking way.
Also, do you have any feelings one way or the other about future pregnancies? I know we are all scared of miscarrying again...but any true gut feelings about how things will go again?
This is difficult because I know that with PCOS I am much more likely to miscarry than someone without it.
I strongly believe that if we manage to get pregnant again, it'll be a viable pregnancy, but I have to believe that. I can't keep trying if I don't.
TTC with MFI, PCOS, and endometriosis since February 2010
BFP January 20,2012, Loss confirmed January 22,2012
March-August 2012: Various medicated/IUI cycles, all BFN
Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy October 2012: Fall Cleaning, Uterus Edition
For some reason I knew with my second that I would miscarry. When we lost Jude everyone and their sister came and told me they had experienced a miscarriage...about 97% of them experienced it with their second pregnancies. I felt that for sure that would happen to me however I still had hope.
I still have faith that we will take a screaming rainbow home with us but I don't think I'll truly believe it until that baby is in my arms.
Pregnancy #1 Stillbirth due to cord restriction at 40+5 weeks 7.8.11 Jude Karl Pregnancy #2 Missed Miscarriage 2.1.12 baby due 8.28.12 Willow Sky
TTC again starting 4.1.12 Fingers crossed we get and take a rainbow home!
Re: Did you know? (sensitive)
I knew. I never allowed myself to be excited and I was all over the miscarriage sites too. I even said a few times to DH that we would find out that the baby wasn't viable when we went for the second appointment and I was right. I hated being right.
I think I will get pregnant again.
TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!
TTC #1 since Sept 2011
BFP#1 1/31/12. Empty sac discovered 3/5/12. MTX due to location in uterine horn.
BFP#2 2/27/13. Empty sac confirmed 3/20/13. Mifepristone + cytotec.
Currently TTA until Fall 2013, waiting for operative hysteroscopy
Blog Chart
Did I know? With my first, maybe..I knew I wasn't as excited as I should have been. I didn't really think about miscarrying, but my entire heart wasn't in the pregnancy. I had symptoms, though they were mild - but my mother also said she never really had m/s in either of her pregnancies, so it didn't concern me too much. She spilled the beans on us early, when I was a 6 weeks, and I hated that. When people would congratulate me I'de always say "it's too early". After seeing the heartbeat at 9 weeks, I relaxed significantly since the statistics say your chances are low after that.
The weekend leading up to my NT scan I had horrible migraines - but all the baby books said that's normal. My breasts stopped hurting so much but, again maybe it was because I was almost in the second trimester. I had a horrible dream, but it wasnt baby specific and weird dreams are par for the course). When the doctor told us there was no heartbeat - it was the last thing I expected. But it all made sense in hind-sight.
With the second one, I knew before I got the BFP I wasn't bringing a baby home in 9 months. Though leading up to it, I certainly thought my next pg would be my rainbow.
For the future? I don't know, I know I will be a mom, and I think I feel good about a future pregnancy, but. Honestly I won't know until I'm there, and now it will forever be tainted by an after loss mind.
BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
Yes, I felt something was wrong from the day I got my BFP.
I'm not sure if it's because only a few days earlier my good friend miscarried so it was on my mind, or what. At that point I think that may have been the case.
But, later on, within a week or two of physically miscarrying (basically right when the baby stopped growing), it really started to nag at me. Even only a few days before, when my friend and her mom asked how I was feeling, I said that "If I didn't know I was pregnant, I wouldn't know I was pregnant" I also said the same thing at my 10-week appointment with the nurse practitioner.
Basically, a lot of the symptoms that started to appear later in 1st tri with my DS weren't showing up. I wasn't getting more hungry, or more thirsty, I'd had hardly any food aversions, it was just strange, and I knew something wasn't right.
ETA: with my CP last cycle, I thought something was wrong when the line on my HPT was soo soo faint even by 13dpo. This time, I thought it was another CP at first but was so early. So far, I think this one is okay, but I'm so afraid of being devastated again, that I can't allow myself to just relax.
As soon as we were told that there was no HB, I turned to my husband and told him I knew something had been wrong. Up until that point, I had not shared my thoughts with him much, only mentioned a couple of times how strange it was that I didn't have more symptoms.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day!
My BFP Chart
Did you know when you were pregnant that you were most likely going to miscarry?
No, miscarriage was something that happened to other people, not to me. I was so naive. I hadn't been charting, but I was using OPK's. When my progesterone and HCG came back low, she said my dates were probably just off. That should have been my first clue. We saw a HB at 6 weeks, but the Dr. said it was still to early to count the BPMs. That should have been my second clue. Then when the US tech didn't show me the screen on my second ultrasound, that should have been my third clue. I was just so stubborn and refused to believe that anything bad was going to happen. Shame on the Dr. who didn't believe that second ultrasound (which I later found out showed a slow HB) warranted a conversation. They let me come to my next appointment, alone, thinking everything was OK. That was when my worst fear was confirmed, no HB.
Also, do you have any feelings one way or the other about future pregnancies? I know we are all scared of miscarrying again...but any true gut feelings about how things will go again?
When I was engaged to DH, I was so excited to get married. I felt like the engagement was going to last forever and that marriage would never happen. To me it was such a huge life change, that I just couldn't picture it in my head. Obviously we are now extremely happily married.
I feel the same way about future pgs. I am hopeful that my next one will be my rainbow baby. The further away I get from my mc, the more positive I become. However, just like my marriage, I can't picture it, and probably won't believe it until it is actually happening.
I was nervous about my first pregnancy, but still never thought that we would miscarry. After our first US my fears began to give way to excitement. After our 15 week appointment I started to let myself relax a bit. I even began to feel our son move and that was the most amazing feeling. I never in a million years thought that when we went for our AS scan that I would be leaving hearbroken.
I don't really have any gut feelings about future preganancies. I do know that ultrasounds will be torture. Even now, just the thought of having an ultrasound makes my heart race. I don't know if I will ever get the sound of the tech telling us "I don't see a heart beat any more," out of my head.
TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)
BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d
BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13
BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks
BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby
Did you know when you were pregnant that you were most likely going to miscarry?
For my first, it scared me to think about it happening, but no i never thought i would. Until i started spotting and went in for sono and the word ectopic popped up... then more spotting and severe pain... then MTX... For my second I was very optimistic until my first sono as well...measuring a week behind is not a good for feeling hopeful... all the others ive known it wasnt going to happen.
.
Also, do you have any feelings one way or the other about future pregnancies? I know we are all scared of miscarrying again...but any true gut feelings about how things will go again?
Yes the fact that Ive been pregnant 5 times and still no baby makes it nearly impossible to feel any sort of hope for a future pregnancy.
*** warning: DD mentioned ****
When I was pregnant with DD, for some reason I was convinced I was going to miscarry. I had horrible cramps starting at 7dpo and resigned myself to a m/c. When I announced to my parents, I told them in a very sad voice on the phone, "I'm pregnant, but I'm pretty sure I'm miscarrying." The cramps would wake me up at night and I would drag myself to the bathroom, sure I was going to find blood. But other than some problems in 3rd tri that led to her being a preemie, though, everything went fine.
With this pregnancy I was really optimistic. Even after the 1st u/s showed only a sac, I went back and forth between "this one really is going to end in a m/c" and "I'm being melodramatic. Everything's going to be fine" almost hourly. It did end in a m/c.
To sum up: I don't trust my gut on pregnancies. I think that being pessimistic can be a powerful tool for self-protection, though, and in any future pregnancies I'm sure I will be at least as pessimistic as I was with DD. I honestly don't even know if I'll join a bmb until I'm out of 1st tri, if I make it that far. I don't think I can stand to see everyone all excited about their little poppyseeds, knowing that I once again might be one of the ones who leaves.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12
BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13
Did you know when you were pregnant that you were most likely going to miscarry?
I had already been bleeding for eleven days when I got my BFP. In fact, the only reason I even tested was because my CBEFM showed a peak reading on the first day of testing, followed by a couple of positive OPKs.
When I called my OB/GYN she assured me it was very possibly a viable pregnancy, but I knew there was no freaking way.
Also, do you have any feelings one way or the other about future pregnancies? I know we are all scared of miscarrying again...but any true gut feelings about how things will go again?
This is difficult because I know that with PCOS I am much more likely to miscarry than someone without it.
I strongly believe that if we manage to get pregnant again, it'll be a viable pregnancy, but I have to believe that. I can't keep trying if I don't.
For some reason I knew with my second that I would miscarry. When we lost Jude everyone and their sister came and told me they had experienced a miscarriage...about 97% of them experienced it with their second pregnancies. I felt that for sure that would happen to me however I still had hope.
I still have faith that we will take a screaming rainbow home with us but I don't think I'll truly believe it until that baby is in my arms.