Questions from a 1st Time Mom
haze1122
member
Good day ladies,
I have a few questions, and I'm hoping some of you can give me some insight. I am in the beginning of my 13th week of pregnancy, and part of me feels I am moving to fast, but the other part of me just wants to be prepared. So here are some questions that I am hoping some of you can answer.
1. When is a good time to have a baby shower? I've seen some women say between 28-35 weeks. I am planning on either my 29th week or my 31 week. Any suggestions?
2. How soon is it to start looking for a venue for a baby shower? I want to start looking now just so that I can get a better idea of pricing, but some people are saying that I should wait. I just don't want to wait until the last minute and cannot reserve for the time that I am looking for.
3. How soon in advance is too soon to send invites for a baby shower? I was thinking of sending them at least 2 months in advance so that everyone can RSVP at least 1 month in advance. I want to be able to provide as close to an accurate number of people to my caterer to be sure that everyone can have a plate, or two.
I know that I am problably way ahead of myself with all of this thinking, but I just want to make sure that everything goes as smoothly as possible. I'd rather be safe than sorry. Again, all of your responses are greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance,
Hazel
Re: Questions from a 1st Time Mom
You shouldn't throw a shower for yourself. Wait until someone offers to throw one for you. They'll talk to you about a date and you'll give them a guest list and they'll take care of the rest.
Typically shower invites go out about 4 weeks before the shower and I don't usually see an RSVP date on them, just a "please RSVP to" someone's name and a phone number. I guess if your hostess is having it at a place that needs a definite head count by a certain date, then she can add an RSVP date to the invitations.
1. I think 29 or 31 weeks would both be fine. You need to work with whoever is hosting your shower so you get a date that works for both of you.
2. I think you should let whoever is hosting your shower pick the venue and worry about reserving the place. I honeslty don't know much about this, around here I have never seen a shower held in a venue other than maybe the church hall. Most people have them in homes.
3. Again, this is something your host should worry about. I think for a shower 3-4 weeks is plenty of advance notice. If I got an invite 2 months in advance I would be liable to lose the invite or forget the date.
All of this. It's incredibly tacky to throw your own shower, and unless your host(s) are asking for your input, you shouldn't be involved in any of this, other than possibly selecting the date, as obviously you need to be there. I believe my shower with DS was around 26-27w, but I don't remember exactly. My aunt (the host) chose the location & time, and dealt with the RSVPs, although I did help follow up with people who didn't respond so the head count was in before the food had to be ordered.
Yes, you need to sit back and relax. A shower is a *gift* given to you by the host(s), and unless you're being asked for input, then you shouldn't be worrying about any of it. You will seem ungrateful if you start demanding that the shower be hosted in a hall, or be exactly what you want. Lots of people don't have showers at all, so you should be happy you have friends/family who are willing to do this for you regardless of how they choose to do it.
I'm a first time mom, but not stupid. I know that it's " to throw your own baby shower. I just have questions because I'M A FIRST TIME MOM AND THIS IS MY FIRST BABY SHOWER!!!! I want to make sure that everything is as close to perfect as it can be. I have people who are going to plan my shower, but I was asked for my input. I'm just not sure of a few things, and that was my purpose for asking.
You do seem ungrateful. You won't be happy if it isn't close to what you want? Just be happy someone is hosting a shower for you.
I am a FTM as well and started helping with planning in the very beginning only because I have a lot of people flying/driving in from out of town and were asking me if I had considered a date so they could make travel arrangements. Once we got the date set, I stepped back. If I get asked for input, I give it, but otherwise I try to stay out of it-especially since I spent all last year planning our wedding and I am SO glad to not stress over this event!
Overall, I would recommend having the shower when you think you will still have energy to partake-its a crapshoot becasue you really dont know how you will feel that time. Mine is about 5 weeks before we are having our LO. WHat I am not excited about is I am having two showers (although grateful) back-to-back. So that Saturday and Sunday I will be at two showers. I hope I can make it! LOL. We chose to split our showers up because we were looking at about 75-80 people at one shower. So my MIL is having one and my family/close friends are throwing the other. This way we can also have them at people's home to cut back on cost. The only other thing I did was create a save-the-date evite to let people know when we were planning on having the shower, and everyone I know has very active schedules. Other than that I am not involved.
Maybe once you get the basics out of the way and you all agree on something you can begin to think of things you will want to register for, etc. That took up a lot of my time in the near past. And it is fun to think about the things you would like and how you want to decorate, etc. HTH.
First, I have a hard time believing you're not throwing it. Your post is way too "I, me, I, me, I".
Past that, if someone else actually is throwing it- even if they asked for input, be careful. It's not YOUR pocketbook paying for it. They may want it at someone's house instead of at a "venue".
And remember - it's a shower. Which is really just a party to give you gifts. It's not a wedding. Be realistic about what it is because if yo udon't, no matter what your hosts do, you'll be unhappy.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Cooper Edward
9.25.12
First of all East Coast Bride, I AM ASKING THE QUESTIONS, therefore I should include "I". I din't ask for your personal opinion of what you do or don't have a hard time believing. I'm almost 30 years old. If I was throwing my own shower I would say so. I'm asking quesitons becuase this is all new to me, and I have a right to ask for insight on some things. If you don't like that, too bad. And FYI, a "venue" can be anywhere. A house, park, hall, where ever.
Megroons,
Just as I told the other person, I'm going to tell you. I didn't ask for your opinion on what you think I am. I asked questions on my shower. If you didn't or don't like them, too bad. You choose to do what you want, and I will choose to do what I want. I'm not going to play drill sergeant while they're planning, but like I said I was asked for input. But considering this is my first time, I'm not quite sure what that input should be, SO I'M ASKING.
Oh dear. This isn't going to go well for you.
You are so cute. I just want to pat you on your little head.
No, it isn't. She is acting like a complete brat.
I wish there was a like button
Do you think when she uses capital letters IT MEANS SHE'S YELLING AT US ?!?
Cooper Edward
9.25.12
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ding ding! I am gonna go ahead and take a wild shot in the dark here and say that no one has offered to throw her a shower because if she acts like this IRL she has no friends. OP - you are a completefuckingbrat. Get a grip, relax, let someone offer and plan your shower and enjoy whatever it is that you get. Oh, and FFS stop yelling at everyone.
Cooper Edward
9.25.12
Why so much focus on the shower? if its not perfect WHO CARES its gifts and love from the people in your life. You don't get to control what its like, its not a wedding. No such thing as a "perfect" shower. You have bigger things to worry about like a healthy baby than a party.
I don't know guys I spilled frosting on my keyboard one time and it made the keys stick down... Maybe she's eating a cupcake?
I didn't read the responses but I'm sure this was covered already.
1. I was 32 weeks. It was perfect. I looked really pregnant but my face was still thin and I wasn't uncomfortable yet. 35 weeks would have been pushing it for me to still be comfortable.
2. The host decides this.
3. Um, this isn't a wedding. 2-3 weeks is plenty of notice, a month is pushing it for me. If you have out of town guests that have already expressed interest in attending, you can just give them the date so they can make their arrangements. No reason to send invites out so early.
Ummm yeah. Somebody needs to grow the eff up and stop throwing a tantrum. Really? You won't like it if it's not exactly how you want it? I'm picky too and have anxiety about these things, but come on. I would NEVER tell someone who is throwing me a party how it should be done, Bratty Bratelstein.
Lol, I'm glad I decided to read the other posts. If you are almost 30 (I'm in my 30's) haven't you been to enough showers to know how it works?
Oh this thread is fun.
Something tells me she's going to consider this as a trial run for another shower in a few years. UGH.
I can't imagine getting a shower invitation two months in advance. Three or four weeks is plenty.
Boo her bubble is off. I hope she comes back to play.
when i see the title "Questions from a 1st Time Mom "
I really expected some serious questions about the baby, such as kicking, u/s, morning sickess, symptoms and such not BABY SHOWER, BABY SHOWER, BABY SHOWER, jeesh!
I wish that you broads would get the point of my original post and stop going left with it. If you see caps, yes it is because I'm yelling. I asked simple questions. I'm not asking anyone's personal opinion on anything else. If you don't like what I say, then get off my post.
All I am looking for is some simple answers, but everyone seems to want to nit pick and look too far into what I'm asking. If you don't like the questions, then don't answer. I'm not asking for all the unnecessary extra bs that everyone has to say. So once again, if you can't answer my questions then get off the post feed. Otherwise keep your opinions to yourself. This goes for you MoreThanCottonCandy, MrsDavesAFish, Megroons, Nola78, MandJS, and Mrs.S-S.
1) You and the host(s) decide which date suits you best. But that sounds about right.
2) You don't decide this unless you're paying for it. The host(s) deals with this. If you're asked about it, then throw out some ideas within the host(s) budget, and let her decide.
3) First, catering is like the venue--you don't decide/deal with this unless you buy. Second, 2 months is way too far out; 3-4 weeks is plenty. RSVP dates aren't necessary, just 'please RSVP'. Be aware that you'll still have folks show up who didn't RSVP.
And the whole comment about you won't be happy if it isn't what you want? Grow up. For a nearly 30 yr old, you sound all of 13. Being a 31 yr old FTM, I'd never think to act like that at a party thrown for me to give me presents...
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
So, I'm not preggers but I am throwing a friend's baby shower. TRUST me when I say that acting like this towards your hosts will impact the "perfectness" of your shower.
My friend has demanded BQQ-ing, wants to send out invites today, isn't due until Nov and wants the shower in June and wants me to send a "save the date" email. Suffice it to say that the hosts are thinking "eff this noise" and could now care less about the perfect shower.
If you compare that to my much more relaxed friend....I went ALL out for her. Diaper cake, clothing line, balloons with diaper paste holders, bottles arranged near flowers, etc. their showers will be VERY different. Think about it!