Seriously struggling
With being alone.
I'm single and expecting and hate it! My ex and I had a great relationship. We had even talked about marriage but then we had some issues and broke up. Months later we got back together and just days later I found out I was expecting. Baby isn't his and he isn't ready for kids so he walked.
I hate myself and the whole situation. I'm excited for the baby and all but I don't like being alone. I miss him terribly and feel stupid and pathetic when I have a break down. We have kept in touch sort of and I know he misses me but he has made it clear that all we ever will be is friends.
I don't know how to deal with it and pretending it doesn't hurt still only makes the melt downs worse. I miss being loved and held. The most attention I get now is from the cat and its only because she wants to eat the bird.
I'm sorry but I don't have anyone that I can really talk to and I'm having a moment.
Re: Seriously struggling
I really just want to give you a big hug. First, do NOT hate yourself. There is no reason to be so mad and full of hatred at yourself. Your baby needs a strong and happy mama, and you have time to get to that place. I don't know where life will take you, but there is a reason for this situation and it's going to lead you to something bigger and better than you ever imagine... starting with motherhood.
Melt downs are ok. You are allowed to grieve the loss of this relationship and the loss of the dreams you had for your future. Every day is a new day and every day you will get a little bit stronger.
Do you have a religious community you are part of to reach out and get more support? Would you consider going to a therapist to get counseling?
Lastly, I know it's not a popular opinion, but you should consider all of your options for this child. If you feel this is not the right time for you, maybe adoption could be another option. Just throwing it out there....
DD2 11.17.08