Multiple Showers, Multiple Locations...

vanitylalala

My husband and I are in the military, so neither of us are near our family. A friend at work offered to host the baby shower, so I accepted since I hadn't heard anything from either of our parents. I called my mother to tell her tha date of the shower and she said that she had been planning one for me in my hometown since everyone there wouldn't be able to come where I am to attend. DHs family, however, are going to come here and attend the shower where I live.

I don't want to be picky, but I'd rather have my mother come to the shower where I live, even if she is one of the only people who is able to attend from back home. I would prefer if she or MIL hosted and everyone was together at once to celebrate my first baby. 

vanitylalala

BTW, I live in MD, but I'm from Ohio. DHs family live in NY and Georgia.

FemShep

Why not have two showers, one your mom hosts for family where she lives and one your friend hosts where you live?  I'm not sure what the problem is. 

pam1005

Have DH's family come to your shower that your mom wants to throw in your hometown.  Your mom can still come to the shower where you live now and host another one (my mom did that for me).  I am sort of confused... will you not have anybody for the guest list for your shower where you live now or something?

vanitylalala

There will be people able to attend where I am, I just wanted everyone to be together as a whole. I've only been married since November, and both families haven't really been able to get together and get familiar with each other. I think for family events that everyone should celebrate as a family. Also, MIL and her family have already purchased tickets to fly here.

EastCoastBride

vanitylalala:

I think for family events that everyone should celebrate as a family. Also, MIL and her family have already purchased tickets to fly here.

Well, you also say that if it's "only" your mom, that's fine too. So if it was only your mom, then it really wouldn't be both families, would it?  So what's the point?  My take, if you want YOUR family to be at a shower for you, then let your mom have one in your hometown. 

Honestly - if you want your family to be there, I find it rude to NOT have a shower that is local for them and to expect all these people to travel to you.  They are being very generous to come to a shower for you and buy you a gift - dont' put it on them to travel to you too.  That's asking A LOT.

Plus, you also have to realize- you and DH became a family.  Yes, in a perfect world it would be wonderful for both your familes to be able to get together, etc etc etc, but there is no "rule" that your respective families now have to be one big happy family just because you and DH got married.  AND logistically, being in so many places, it's not very probable.

I would recommend putting aside this expectation that your families will all get togetgher when they are so far and wide and focus on what's easiest for the majority of people.

notkateanymore

vanitylalala:

There will be people able to attend where I am, I just wanted everyone to be together as a whole. I've only been married since November, and both families haven't really been able to get together and get familiar with each other. I think for family events that everyone should celebrate as a family. Also, MIL and her family have already purchased tickets to fly here.

That's great and all, but it sounds like your mother doesn't want to come. Did you tell her what you told us? 

morethancottoncandy

FemShep:

Why not have two showers, one your mom hosts for family where she lives and one your friend hosts where you live?  I'm not sure what the problem is. 

This.  I realize that you want everyone together in one place, but that is obviously not an option.

rhubarb123

I don't see a problem at all.  Your mom can attend both showers (the one your work friend wants to host and also the one your mom will host - back home).  Is there a reason you can go back to your home in Ohio?  It's not that far.  Just drive down Friday night stay 2 nights and go home the day after the shower.  Or fly.  We did it all the time when my FIL lived in DC and we lived in mid-MI (it was a 10 hour drive for us so definitely less for you).

vanitylalala

I will be going home for the shower that my Mother is hosting. It'll be on a holiday weekend so I'll have plenty of time to drive there and come back. Its simply that I would prefer one big shower over two small ones. My family doesn't come to see me very often so it wouldn't be that big of an inconvenience. I'll only plan to have a shower for my first baby so I would think it wasn't such a big deal. 

FemShep

vanitylalala:

I will be going home for the shower that my Mother is hosting. It'll be on a holiday weekend so I'll have plenty of time to drive there and come back. Its simply that I would prefer one big shower over two small ones. My family doesn't come to see me very often so it wouldn't be that big of an inconvenience. I'll only plan to have a shower for my first baby so I would think it wasn't such a big deal. 

 Honestly, huge showers are overrated.  You don't get to spend much time with people, stuff takes forever, and it's much more tiring.  You need to be flexible here, let go of what your ideal is, and be happy with what you get.  Consider it good training for motherhood.  

 Maybe your family doesn't come to see you often because it *is* a big inconvenience.  Whatever the reason, it's much easier for you and DH to travel than for everyone else to do so.  Either accept two showers with grace and gratefulness, or turn your mom down on her offer to host a shower.  If you do turn your mom down, expect hurt feelings on her part. 

danieliza1127

A lot of people won't travel that far for just a shower to be honest.  I wouldn't buy a plane ticket for a baby shower.  I'm inviting my SIL who lives in VA to my shower in IN but I don't expect her to actually come.  Maybe that's just me, but I wouldn't expect your family to come to MD from OH for a shower.  I think your mom having a shower in OH for your OH family and you traveling there for it is much more reasonable.