No, that is not the case. We let our kids choose what to call me. they picked mom. We gave them numerous ideas when they wanted to call me something other than my name, but I was always perfectly okay with them calling me by my name. We had many discussions on the subject so it obviously wasn't taxing to spend the time. But it was not my supposed need to be called mom that brought them to that decision. It would have been cruel of us to tell them that they couldn't call me by the title that they chose for me regardless of our or BM's feelings on the subject.
I don't see how that is cruel? So if DS insisted on calling BF Joe or sperm donor and I told him no he needs to call him Dad that is cruel? I mean, it is what he's chosing so it's his right, right? (hypothetical situation, he has never said that lol)
Lol. I meant that it's cruel to throw out what special name a child decides on for someone, because that's how they show a person what they mean to them. Naturally I'm not okay with something inappropriate, if the kids walked up and said hi b!tch I'd be more than a little upset.
If your DS wanted to call his BF sperm donor and his BF isn't much else, then I wouldn't be inclined to correct him. Unless he's only in kindergarten or something, a child of that age probably shouldn't know that term.
I think, in regards to what a skid calls their stepparents is going to be different in each family, depending on what the kids comfort level is, the relationship between the adults, and the relationship between the skid and the stepparent.
My SD asked to call my "mommy" or "mom" when she found out that her dad and I were getting married, I personally never cared what she called me because I knew I would never take the place of her mother. I told her in that conversation that she could call me whatever she wanted but that if she wanted to call me mom or mommy then she/we would need to make sure her mom was okay with her calling me that. BM was fine with the entire situation in her words " I'm glad that she has the type of relationship with you that she considers you her mom. I want my daughter to have that type of relationship with her SM"
When BM got married SD started calling SF dad as well, my DH never even batted an eye. HIS exact words were "At the end of the day she knows who her father is and if he is taking care of her when I am not able to and being a father figure to her when I can't then he DESERVES to be called dad"
We left it up to her on what she was comfortable calling each parent. The four of us parent as a group, and while we each have our own individual family, my SD has ONE family, four parents, each of who she calls either mom or dad. She has never been confused and neither has BM's other kids.
Now I realize that not everyone has this type of relationship, but as the adults in this situation we decided that it was about what was best for her, not what we as individuals wanted. We have seen other instances where BM's mother has demanded SD not call me mom and all that happens is that SD is starting to resent her grandma for not supporting the type of relationship that she has with me. Now SD wants almost nothing to do with her grandma because her grandma doesn't respect her relationship with anyone other than BM. Some people are hung up on titles, others are not, but at the end of the day it is about the child in the middle and as long as that child is happy and thriving then I think getting your feelings hurt about what a child calls another person is kinda sad.
TTC 6 years three m/c during that time
5/11 Ruptured Ectopic - Lost left tube and a normal baby boy
2/12 IVF #1 BFN - Very poor egg quality...
5/12 IVF #2 Hoping for the best! Est ET 5/11-5/18 BFN
Decided to move on to adoption to complete our family!
What about if you call your MIL mom? I "jokingly" asked my mom if it bothered her that I call my MIL mom and she laughed. She said, "mom is just a title made up so people know who I am in relation to you. What is important is the great relationship and history that we have together. I know who I am and I know the sacrifices I made to get you where you are today and I dont have to prove that to anybody. I know, you know and God knows who I am and that's all that matters. If you love her for nothing else but the fact that she is your DH's mom, then call her that. If YOU desire to call her mom, then there must be a reason for it. She must of deserved that title somehow. You wouldn't do it if you didnt feel it."
My mom showed me that she was SECURE in who she was. And when you are secure in who you are as a woman, mother, etc.. titles mean nothing to you. While my sk's call me by my first name, their mother told me it didnt bother her one bit because she knows the relationship she has with her children and she knows that I respect her as their mother. Not because she pushed them out her azz but because of what she means to her children. There is strength in the biological bond and too many women hang on to the title instead of being secure with that bond.
It has nothing to do with being secure. I am in no way insecure and know that no one will ever be able to love DS how I do and no one will ever have the bond we have. Good for your mother. She and you obviously place importance on different things than I and some other women do. I will never call my future MIL mom and never called my ExMIL mom. I never felt comfortable with it even though I do love them. That title only belongs to my mother and now that she has died there is no way I could ever bring myself to call someone else Mom.
I side eye this. The sad part is most women dont want to admit they're insecure about another women, whom your child may love, calling them mom. Your feelings dont trump your childs. If they have a desire to call a step parent mom or dad and you have a problem with it solely cause you pushed em out your azz and you share some genes, then you have no real reason to have a problem with it. You should be glad that they have someone who loves them so much that the child wants to call them mom/dad. If a step parent is crap, trust that your child DOESNT have a desire to call them mom. It's time for alot of BM's/BF's to keep it real about the issue.
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It has nothing to do with being secure. I am in no way insecure and know that no one will ever be able to love DS how I do and no one will ever have the bond we have. Good for your mother. She and you obviously place importance on different things than I and some other women do. I will never call my future MIL mom and never called my ExMIL mom. I never felt comfortable with it even though I do love them. That title only belongs to my mother and now that she has died there is no way I could ever bring myself to call someone else Mom.
I side eye this. The sad part is most women dont want to admit they're insecure about another women, whom your child may love, calling them mom. Your feelings dont trump your childs. If they have a desire to call a step parent mom or dad and you have a problem with it solely cause you pushed em out your azz and you share some genes, then you have no real reason to have a problem with it. You should be glad that they have someone who loves them so much that the child wants to call them mom/dad. If a step parent is crap, trust that your child DOESNT have a desire to call them mom. It's time for alot of BM's/BF's to keep it real about the issue.
First, I gave birth to two children and I have yet to push a child "out my azz". Second, it is not always insecurity if you don't want another woman calling your child "mom" or some form of it.
I think for most women this issue is a lot more involved than a woman being jealous of her child calling another woman mom.
If you want to "keep it real" than the step-parent should also do a lot of soul searching before allowing a child to call them something like "mom" or "dad". Do you actually love the child unconditionally as a parent should. Can you say you love that child as much as your own? (From the posts here I would say even amazing step-parents have a hard time with that sometimes) Will you stay with that child, in their life, and be there for them when they are annoying, when they "hate you" when (if) you divorce their biological parent? Will you go to court and spend countless dollars to ensure you get to visit them?
EDIT To be honest, even when a step-parent can answer yes to those and many other things, I don't feel it's usually the best thing. I don't have a step-mother so this issue doesn't affect my kids. I have seen many kids who have gone through multiple "mom"s and "dad"s as their parents marry, remarry and have live-in boyrfriends or girlfriends.
It has nothing to do with being secure. I am in no way insecure and know that no one will ever be able to love DS how I do and no one will ever have the bond we have. Good for your mother. She and you obviously place importance on different things than I and some other women do. I will never call my future MIL mom and never called my ExMIL mom. I never felt comfortable with it even though I do love them. That title only belongs to my mother and now that she has died there is no way I could ever bring myself to call someone else Mom.
I side eye this. The sad part is most women dont want to admit they're insecure about another women, whom your child may love, calling them mom. Your feelings dont trump your childs. If they have a desire to call a step parent mom or dad and you have a problem with it solely cause you pushed em out your azz and you share some genes, then you have no real reason to have a problem with it. You should be glad that they have someone who loves them so much that the child wants to call them mom/dad. If a step parent is crap, trust that your child DOESNT have a desire to call them mom. It's time for alot of BM's/BF's to keep it real about the issue.
First, I gave birth to two children and I have yet to push a child "out my azz". Second, it is not always insecurity if you don't want another woman calling your child "mom" or some form of it.
I think for most women this issue is a lot more involved than a woman being jealous of her child calling another woman mom.
If you want to "keep it real" than the step-parent should also do a lot of soul searching before allowing a child to call them something like "mom" or "dad". Do you actually love the child unconditionally as a parent should. Can you say you love that child as much as your own? (From the posts here I would say even amazing step-parents have a hard time with that sometimes) Will you stay with that child, in their life, and be there for them when they are annoying, when they "hate you" when (if) you divorce their biological parent? Will you go to court and spend countless dollars to ensure you get to visit them?
EDIT To be honest, even when a step-parent can answer yes to those and many other things, I don't feel it's usually the best thing. I don't have a step-mother so this issue doesn't affect my kids. I have seen many kids who have gone through multiple "mom"s and "dad"s as their parents marry, remarry and have live-in boyrfriends or girlfriends.
Just shut up and make your point. All that sarcasm isn't necessary and I have no patience for it. I don't do snarky so keep it moving.
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Re: Can we get a sticky post at the top of this board
If your DS wanted to call his BF sperm donor and his BF isn't much else, then I wouldn't be inclined to correct him. Unless he's only in kindergarten or something, a child of that age probably shouldn't know that term.
I think, in regards to what a skid calls their stepparents is going to be different in each family, depending on what the kids comfort level is, the relationship between the adults, and the relationship between the skid and the stepparent.
My SD asked to call my "mommy" or "mom" when she found out that her dad and I were getting married, I personally never cared what she called me because I knew I would never take the place of her mother. I told her in that conversation that she could call me whatever she wanted but that if she wanted to call me mom or mommy then she/we would need to make sure her mom was okay with her calling me that. BM was fine with the entire situation in her words " I'm glad that she has the type of relationship with you that she considers you her mom. I want my daughter to have that type of relationship with her SM"
When BM got married SD started calling SF dad as well, my DH never even batted an eye. HIS exact words were "At the end of the day she knows who her father is and if he is taking care of her when I am not able to and being a father figure to her when I can't then he DESERVES to be called dad"
We left it up to her on what she was comfortable calling each parent. The four of us parent as a group, and while we each have our own individual family, my SD has ONE family, four parents, each of who she calls either mom or dad. She has never been confused and neither has BM's other kids.
Now I realize that not everyone has this type of relationship, but as the adults in this situation we decided that it was about what was best for her, not what we as individuals wanted. We have seen other instances where BM's mother has demanded SD not call me mom and all that happens is that SD is starting to resent her grandma for not supporting the type of relationship that she has with me. Now SD wants almost nothing to do with her grandma because her grandma doesn't respect her relationship with anyone other than BM. Some people are hung up on titles, others are not, but at the end of the day it is about the child in the middle and as long as that child is happy and thriving then I think getting your feelings hurt about what a child calls another person is kinda sad.
I side eye this. The sad part is most women dont want to admit they're insecure about another women, whom your child may love, calling them mom. Your feelings dont trump your childs. If they have a desire to call a step parent mom or dad and you have a problem with it solely cause you pushed em out your azz and you share some genes, then you have no real reason to have a problem with it. You should be glad that they have someone who loves them so much that the child wants to call them mom/dad. If a step parent is crap, trust that your child DOESNT have a desire to call them mom. It's time for alot of BM's/BF's to keep it real about the issue.
LOL!!!
First, I gave birth to two children and I have yet to push a child "out my azz". Second, it is not always insecurity if you don't want another woman calling your child "mom" or some form of it.
I think for most women this issue is a lot more involved than a woman being jealous of her child calling another woman mom.
If you want to "keep it real" than the step-parent should also do a lot of soul searching before allowing a child to call them something like "mom" or "dad". Do you actually love the child unconditionally as a parent should. Can you say you love that child as much as your own? (From the posts here I would say even amazing step-parents have a hard time with that sometimes) Will you stay with that child, in their life, and be there for them when they are annoying, when they "hate you" when (if) you divorce their biological parent? Will you go to court and spend countless dollars to ensure you get to visit them?
EDIT To be honest, even when a step-parent can answer yes to those and many other things, I don't feel it's usually the best thing. I don't have a step-mother so this issue doesn't affect my kids. I have seen many kids who have gone through multiple "mom"s and "dad"s as their parents marry, remarry and have live-in boyrfriends or girlfriends.
Just shut up and make your point. All that sarcasm isn't necessary and I have no patience for it. I don't do snarky so keep it moving.