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Tubal ligation?
To anyone dealing with IF, you may want to not read this... But this is the only place I can think to ask.
Background: DH and I have always talked about him being the one to get permanent BC when we were done having bio kids. Our biggest reasons were because we are young enough (22 and 23) that doctors are really hesitant to perform a tubal but since we have a bio son a lot of them would be more open to a vasectomy (sexist but I'll leave that alone); also, that vasectomies are easier to recover from, lower-risk, and more effective. But DH is not really "done" having bio kids. He is completely ready for adopting and we've talked about it for a long time... But if we ever did split up or I were to die (hopefully neither will happen), I could see him being okay with having another bio child if he remarried. I am the one who is completely and utterly done. I hate being pregnant, between the constant physical pain, the emotional roller-coaster, and being too tired 24/7 to really feel like I am giving my best to my family. It doesn't really make sense to me anyway to get pregnant when I know there are other babies who have already been created and need a home as much as we want another child. However, I don't feel comfortable having him go through surgery when I'm the one who is done being pregnant (which he absolutely respects and agrees that I shouldn't if I don't want to).
I am wondering if anyone else on here has chosen to get this done, and what experiences you have had with your doctor, etc. There is tons of info about young women choosing not to have children, or to limit the number of kids they have... But I WANT more kids. We can't wait to have more children, I am just done making them. At the very worst, we have one beautiful wonderful son and I would rather have only one child than be pregnant again, ever. Do you think I have any chance of getting a tubal done?
~Julie
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Tubal ligation?
I had a TL. My reasons were that I had had 2 very rough pregnancies, with premature, very sick little babies. And I had serious health problems for several months after each one. My doctor said that another pregnancy would be life-threatening for me. I decided to get the TL instead of DH having a vasectomy, because it was *my* issue. If I were to die and he remarried, he could safely have more bio kids.
BUT. I was 31 years old. Your reasons are valid, but if you're in your early 20's, I urge you to WAIT. You may decide, even in 10 years, that the struggles you went through are worth going through again. A LOT of things in your life will change as you get older, and making birth control permanent now may cause you immeasurable pain later. Plus, if your DH isn't 100% sure he's done w/bio kids, you absolutely should not go through with this. Find another non-permanent method and let life carry on for a while.
I mean this in the least mean/sarcastic way possible: I've heard the advice to wait. I know a lot of people feel that way, but... Well, I know me, and I know what I want to do. I'm not looking for help making the decision, just dealing with docs who may disagree with the decision I've already made about my body.
I tried going for a long-term method with Paraguard, since hormones make me abstinent, but that hurt like hell during sex and then eventually just expelled.
As for my DH, he's really okay with not having more bio kids. He was saying he was okay with getting the vasectomy now, but I know he doesn't want it as much as I do so I want to do it instead. When I day he's not done, I mean he isn't quite as absolutely opposed to the idea as I am.
RE: your choice, if you are adamant, I'd go through the expense of meeting and getting the support of a licensed psychologist. I would then present a letter of support to my doc. This would help the doc feel like she can move forward confidently with you understanding the potential downfalls.
Now, I know you said you aren't looking for advice with the decision..... but I can't hold my tongue. Feel free not to read any further
Two things---
1- I am not the same person as I look at turning 40 as I was at 23. I know that I would not make the same life decisions at 23 as I would hope to make at 40.
2- Are there any conditions that would move you to want to have a bio sib for your child? Statistically this is not something any of us will ever have to deal with... that said, I work in the field of bone marrow transplant and I know many pediatric transplant families that have elected to have a second (or third or fourth) child with hopes of them matching their child who needs a transplant. (No need to start a controversy..... these are well vetted situations where children aren't created solely to be donors.... it's a complicated situaiton). I've know a handful of families that have either dealt with IVF or reversed vasectomies to acheive this goal.
Just food for thought... that's if you made it this far
Didn't really mean it defensively, and I wasn't offended. I am not willing to ever try depo again, but may try out Implanon and see if it's not as bad.
I'm sure there's a doctor out there who would be willing to perform this procedure for you. You may have to travel and/or wait a little but I'm sure it's possible.
And I don't remember from your OP if you asked for advice or not (but that's the risk you take letting it all out on a public board) but my 2 cents would be to give it another year and then decide.
I had the essure procedure done when I was 25. It was pretty painless and something I would def. recommend. I have a congenital heart condition, so I had it done more out of medical necessity. However, if this is something you're adamant on doing, I'm sure you could find a doctor who would perform the procedure.
Good luck on your decision.