Do you get cr*p for extended BFing?

duffmaker

Does anyone find people give you a hard time for choosing to BF past say 6 months? DD is only 4 1/2 months right now but I find when people realize that I am still BFing and plan to for at least a year ( 6 months is really my goal atm, but because it's suddenly so close I'm getting into that 1yr mindset) well let's just say it isn't a popular topic. FSFIL was BF until 5! That seems kinda crazy to me, I mean he was in kindergarten... and it freaks FMIL out when she thinks about it so I think that's her biggest thing.

My family and FI's family haven't been very supportive with AP, bawking at my drive to BF, pushing and pushing formula on me, constantly reminding me of how "dangerous" co-sleeping is, and mocking me for baby wearing. It bums me out and I feel that if I had had an easier time BFing then I would have just weaned DD by now, because I wouldn't want to deal with the issues... but I didn't have an easy time in fact it was HELL!! I'm EXTREMELY proud that we EBF now and I would like to keep going for as long as we can. My family in general pushes formula. FMIL understands how hard it was for me and she isn't to bad about it right now but when anything comes up about a longer term BF career she gets weird which makes me self conscience. I guess what I'm getting at in this ranting post is ... do you get back reactions to extended BFing? how did you/do you deal with them?

anna7602

I'm having a hard time with all of your acronyms- is FSFIL a former-step-father-in-law?

Anyway, it suuucks when anyone challenges you on your parenting decisions, no matter how confident you feel about them. My parents challenged me on BFing from day one since my mother never BFd any of us and she had no idea what it was all about. I was told my baby was hungry, that I should be giving her water, that she was crying because she wasn't getting enough milk from me, etc. It was extremely frustrating and I wish I had better advice than to say I eventually realized it was their problem, not mine. I realize it's easier to take this attitude when you're not in the thick of sleep deprivation and post-partum hormones. But, I did make it to 25 months of BFing DD and didn't stop until I felt ready to stop. By that point, my parents understood that what they had to say on the matter was irrelevant.

Feel free to vent here. Lots of us on the AP board know what it's like to have family and/or friends question your AP decisions.

Still free to be me

I've been pretty vocal about the benefits of breastfeeding since we got it established when DD was tiny.  Because of where we live, (45 minutes from town) I had to become very comfortable with nursing in public very quickly.  I have also developed some strong relationships with some great BFing advocates and am pretty involved with our local La Leche Leage.  All that being said, I'm really not willing to put up with any b.s.  My MIL and several other people weren't necessarilly comfortable with my decision.  However, since all of the major medical organizations recommend breastfeeding until a year or two or beyond, it wasn't very hard to make my case.  I also made it pretty clear that my decisions about how I feed my baby really aren't up for discussion...

Oh, and by the way, DD is 2 years, 8 months old and is still nursing.   I am 32 weeks pregnant and am pretty sure we will be tandem nursing for at least a little while.  I am pretty sure DD will wean before she turns four...

PrincessPeach13

I'm sorry you are dealing with this

You are doing an awesome thing for your baby.  

If my family was being so incredibly vocally unsupportive about my parenting choices, I might actually go so far as to tell them if they don't cut it out, then I will simply cut out me and baby being around them.  Normally I wouldn't be confrontational, but your family and friends you mention sound really inappropriate.  

Here is a link with some awesome material to support bf'ing and more ap type parenting.  I like the specific page I linked though, because it helped me remain confident about my choice to bf, even when I've had problems with it.  I hope it helps you too.

https://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/if-you-nurse-your-baby.html 

 

edit:  I also like the idea of getting in touch with your local La Leche League group.   They are awesome for support and just being around like-minded mamas.

This is the AAP stance on BF'ing, if you feel inclined to show them also. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/breastfeeding/Pages/Where-We-Stand-Breastfeeding.aspx

Notice it says at least 12 months. 

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/breastfeeding/Pages/Continuing-Breastfeeding-Beyond-the-First-Year.aspx 

3003girl

It sucks you are getting crap for BFing. And you are not extended BFing, in my mind, until past one year. 

I would just ignore them, or say things like "I know you feel that way, but I feel differently, and I'm LO's parent." Or just leave it at "I know you feel that way." Try to be matter of fact, it's not an argument. 

Good luck, and hang in there! I got a little flack from some people, but I just ignored them and stopped talking to them about other parenting decisions - like cosleeping and babywearing. They can have their opinion, but it doesn't have to influence what you do. I also think they stopped bothering me because I showed confidence in what I was doing. 

 

danienross

I do.  Especially from my father.  He started pushing weaning when DD cut her first tooth at 7mos.  Now she's almost 18mos, I'm pregnant again and my father thinks I'm an idiot who just won't let go of DD's babyhood.  To make matters worse we currently live with him so I get some kind of anti AP, anti BF, "you have to make her self sufficient before the baby gets here" comment at least once a week.  Honestly I don't deal with it well.  Mostly because he's a jerk and I've been putting up with his verbal/emotional abuse for years.  I just try to ignore him.  You know what is right for you and your LO.  Trust yourself and ignore those who don't seem to trust you.

sbartschke

First of all, you are doing a great job. YAY for you for sticking with BF when it was hard and making it. DS is 14 months and we are still BF. I occasionally get poor reactions to people who are not AP parents, including my own parents and IL's. At this point they realize that it is not their choice and this is the way DH and I are raising our child. As for other parents, I generally do not bring up any AP topics if I know they are strongly anti-AP and if they bring it up I simply tell them that I do what works for me and my family. That pretty much ends any negative discussion. Good Luck!

cpmich

PrincessPeach13:

I'm sorry you are dealing with this

You are doing an awesome thing for your baby.  

If my family was being so incredibly vocally unsupportive about my parenting choices, I might actually go so far as to tell them if they don't cut it out, then I will simply cut out me and baby being around them.  Normally I wouldn't be confrontational, but your family and friends you mention sound really inappropriate.  

Here is a link with some awesome material to support bf'ing and more ap type parenting.  I like the specific page I linked though, because it helped me remain confident about my choice to bf, even when I've had problems with it.  I hope it helps you too.

https://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/if-you-nurse-your-baby.html 

 

edit:  I also like the idea of getting in touch with your local La Leche League group.   They are awesome for support and just being around like-minded mamas.

This is the AAP stance on BF'ing, if you feel inclined to show them also. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/breastfeeding/Pages/Where-We-Stand-Breastfeeding.aspx

Notice it says at least 12 months. 

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/breastfeeding/Pages/Continuing-Breastfeeding-Beyond-the-First-Year.aspx 

this exactly.  my mil and dh family are incredibly unsupportive of breastfeeding.  i recommend lettting them know your parenting decisions are not up for discussion and they dont get a vote. from someone in similar shoes... if you continue to put up with it they will only get worse.  if not about bf it will be about napping. discipline. school. diet... anything.  i encourage you to get rid of the second guessing now.  despite my mil vocal objections we were ebf until 6 months and are still nursing at 18 months.  this is the only time in life you will know for certain that lo is getting the nutrition he needs. why cut it short.  also nursing cuddles are fantastic when they get older.  i am really grateful to still be nursing.

i really found la leche to be helpful when i was trying to make it to the 1 year mark.

 

sorry about formatting. my droid does not cooperate.

oh forgot to mention that some women are anti extended bf because they take your success at bf as a rejection of their own parenting choices.  i dont judge those who formula feed but my mil definitely takes our choice to bf as a personal insult. 

Harper'smom

Yes, but by the time DD weaned at 2.5 years the novelty had worn off. At some point they stopped asking because clearly I didn't need their advice. Having DH be supportive was really important. 

Harper'smom

Eventually developing a "I don't give a shiit what anyone thinks of my parenting choices" attitude was the best way of dealing with the unwanted opinions.

tokenhoser

Harper'smom:

Eventually developing a "I don't give a shiit what anyone thinks of my parenting choices" attitude was the best way of dealing with the unwanted opinions.

Yup.

And I love my LLL group. I've started attending toddler meetings (which are unfortunately during the day, so I won't be able to go when I go back to work) which have been really reassuring.

katiewhompus

I started getting crap when DD was 2 weeks old because "after the colostreum formula is better". At this point those people have either become better educated or learned I don't care.

rosiemomma

If your family thought it was weird you rode with your seat-belt on you would laugh at them, I like pp have said give off a "I don't care" vibe toward people with negativity.

I come from a nursing family, 1 isn't weird to my siblings but I have gone beyond that and my sister (said this when my daughter was just turned two) commented "Are you going to be one of those people who nurse until their kid is 4" I said "I guess I am one of those people" mostly I get left alone.... even a friend recently asked me to go on a 'girls vacation' I told her my daughter still nurses and needs me at night, she was really nice and even said "Oh yeah she is only two"  I really think the fact that I said it as a thing I do, not a question or desperation made a big difference.

PrincessPeach13

katiewhompus:

I started getting crap when DD was 2 weeks old because "after the colostreum formula is better". At this point those people have either become better educated or learned I don't care.

 

WTF? 

x0stephanie

I think stopping around 1 year is considered 'normal' right?  No one has asked me how long I plan on bfing yet so I haven't gotten any flack for it.  I think after the 1 yr mark I might be getting asked that a little more.  I dont think I'd actually give them an age though, just say until we're finished or something along those lines.. something vague. lol

duffmaker

Thanks so much everyone! I feel better now, I just get so uneasy about it... and the topic comes up of course whenever we're at a family gathering and I have to feed DD. Oh and PP FMIL etc. the F stands for future as in my FI's mother

cyprissa

Yes, I get crap from family and friends for "extended" breastfeeding. The first round of it was at 6 months and now that we are at a year, it's started up again. Go to an La Leche League meeting and it will make you feel better. Other than that, I just refuse to engage with people about it.

Jena503

clizh:

Thanks so much everyone! I feel better now, I just get so uneasy about it... and the topic comes up of course whenever we're at a family gathering and I have to feed DD. Oh and PP FMIL etc. the F stands for future as in my FI's mother

How is this an acceptable discussion topic? Oh, people irritate me!!  If people have questions about what you do with your boobs, feel free to ask them questions about their boobs, ok?

But seriously, as baby gets older it becomes less of an issue... partly because the naysayers tend to give up after a while, but also because you will need to nurse in front of them less often. I just stopped BFing about a month ago, but most people didn't know that because they hasn't seen me nurse in about a year.

CountryMile

DS is still nursing and he just turned three.  I heard a few comments in the past three years; at this point I think only a few people know that he is still nursing.  Maybe people talk behind my back but I am still doing what works for me & DS.  DH has been the biggest supporter since day one.  

I am sorry you haven't had the support you need.  

wscofield

I feel very fortunate that I live in the Seattle area. I know very few people who haven't breast fed for at least a year unless they had supply issues. In fact I feel guilty when talking to people because DD1 was weaned at 11 months. I'm BF DD2 now and hope to go longer with her. 

I honestly haven't talked to one person who ever questioned my decision to BF.  My hospital assumes that everyone will be BFing, no one ever mentions anything else. Every mother and baby automatically have a 3-4 day PP appt at the hospitals lactation clinic to make sure baby is feeding well. Hopefully this general attitude will spread to other parts of the country.

twister22

I BF DS until he was 20 mos, and I wish I would have done it longer! He is 3.5 now, and I still miss it!

Sometimes ppl would ask when I would stop, and I would respond "When the two of us are ready to." If they were rude about it, I would tell them that the AAP says there is no harm to BF, and I wasn't aware that my BF was any of their business. That usually shut them up.

That's awesome that you have been breastfeeding that long, and don't stop until YOU (or your DD ) wants to! 

StefandTodd

I didn't get a chance to read the comments, but I'm surprised when anyone thinks of extended as 6 months!  I mean, I can see beyond a year...but when they still require either breast milk OR formula, why would anyone try to argue that BFing isn't the best option (all things - mom's happiness/desire included - considered)?!  

Interestingly, when I was pregnant with my son, my grandma (dad's mom) was SUPER supportive of BFing.  She has a little bit of memory loss, so every. single. time I would talk to her, she would be like, "I hope you're planning to BF!  It's so natural...don't let people tell you it's too hard or not to try!!" etc.  It struck me that in her day, she was against the norm for BFing at all.  Well, when we flew out to meet her when my LO was 3 months old, she made it very clear that she BF her youngest for 4 months and that was PLENTY!  She told me it "disgusted her" when women BF beyond a year and that 6 months really was far more than enough.  She asked me if I was going to start rice cereal soon.

I just found it interesting that even someone who was SO supportive of my BFing and so encouraging...was also so opposed to me doing it for more than 6 months or a year.

Anyway, I don't plan to stop BFing my son until he's ready.  I realize my pregnancy might interfere in some ways, and I know I will for sure hear some serious flack for potentially tandem feeding.  But it's my life, my baby...it's the first of potentially many times I'm going to have to stand up for what is best for the both of us, so if I have to do that, so be it.  It's really no one's business but mine and my H's.