How to Fire Your Mom?

FyreFlyeRush

So, from the get go, I've said I want as natural a birth as possible given the hospital environment. I'm not super gung-ho about it. I just want: No AROM, no constant monitoring, no epidural, no inducing (unless it's warranted) and no "Hurrying things along" or c-section because I've been in labor for 8 hours. My OB can even leave and go home. I don't care who catches him. I also know that given my age and risks associated with it, it might not happen. I'm OK with that. I just want that chance.

My mother has said she'd support me and my BFF did, too. My OB seemed to as well. However, at my appt yesterday, my OB and I got into the labor/epidural conversation for the 2nd time. She asked how long my labor with DD was and I said about 30 hours. She called it "cruel and unusual punishment". I called it barely painful until the last 4-5 hours...even then only transition was BAD. She asked if I'd had an epidural. I said no. Well, did I want one this time?...irked a little, I said no. Am I sure? Yes, I'm sure. I did it once and it wanted that experience again. Because, I can have one if I want. Really irked now, I repeated, NO I DON'T WANT ONE. OK, if you change your mind. I'm not going to change my mind.

At home, I'm talking to my mom about the conversation and I told her how glad I was I had her and BFF to be an advocate for me.  She says, "Well....I'm actually hoping you'll change your mind, and I was planning on telling you to get one."  WHAT?!?! Mind you, I'm 35w pregnant. This was something she should have told me 30 weeks ago, not last night! I'm absolutely floored.

Now, I have no idea how to fire her and who to replace her with. I want support from ppl who know and love me, and I think it's a little too late to build that kind of relationship with a doula. I totally crossing my fingers I deliver when they're in California in two weeks. My sister is all set to run interference and say No she doesn't want that or yes, that's ok and my BFF has said she's on my side from the beginning...having given birth naturally three (soon to be 4) times. But, my sister is a soldier, and we aren't sure if they'll let her off to be at my side. And...how do I fire my mom without her getting offended?

fryrat

I'm pretty close to my mom, and here's what I would say. "Mom, if you're going to be in the labor room at all, I need to know that you support me and my wishes 100%, if you do not, that's your choice, but it also means you will not be in the room."

 Then you leave it up to her to make her own decision.

FyreFlyeRush

fryrat:

I'm pretty close to my mom, and here's what I would say. "Mom, if you're going to be in the labor room at all, I need to know that you support me and my wishes 100%, if you do not, that's your choice, but it also means you will not be in the room."

 Then you leave it up to her to make her own decision.

That is so logical I feel like an idiot. Must be the hormones and shock of the whole thing.

annabelle.27

fryrat:

I'm pretty close to my mom, and here's what I would say. "Mom, if you're going to be in the labor room at all, I need to know that you support me and my wishes 100%, if you do not, that's your choice, but it also means you will not be in the room."

 Then you leave it up to her to make her own decision.

I agree with this. And make sure your partner knows to kick her out if she starts to mention an epidural.

jessandandy09

sorry you got thrown that curveball! how unexpected.  I think your mom will support you if you go through why you have made your decision.  Mom's just hate to see us in pain :-)    My mom likes to tell me to suck it up and be a real woman, she is one tough cookie.

KrissyMiss

Another thing that  might be helpful (in addition to having a conversation with your mom) is to let your hospital/birthing center staff know ahead of time your wishes. Maybe give them a birth plan (doesn't have to be super specific) just to let them know ahead of time that if your mom starts suggesting an epi you would like her out of the room. I don't know how it is where you plan to deliver, but at my birthing center the staff are more than willing to be the "bad guys" and kick people out so that I can have a peaceful, productive labor.

stever

fryrat:

I'm pretty close to my mom, and here's what I would say. "Mom, if you're going to be in the labor room at all, I need to know that you support me and my wishes 100%, if you do not, that's your choice, but it also means you will not be in the room."

 Then you leave it up to her to make her own decision.

That is awesome advice. She's entitled to her opinion outside of L&D, but not inside.

And I'm sorry you're going through this. My family came into my room right after I had DS and the very first thing he said to me was, "Well maybe next time you'll get an epidural." Er, thanks Dad.