I need help - my kid is a biter

SallyJean95

I don't know what to do anymore.  I am so frustrated with his biting.  My mom watches him during the day and also watches my niece who is 2 months older than him.  He bites her a lot.  I feel horrible and the bites are getting worse leaving bruises and teeth marks and he's broken skin too.  Last night he bit my husband. 

We're at a loss.  We've done time outs, talked about being mad and how to handle it, talked about not hurting people.  Heck, I even bit him back once (not hard but enough to let him know it doesn't feel nice). 

My mom says she'll still watch him and my brother says he doesn't blame us and sees we're trying to figure this out.  We've all assumed this would end as he got older and more vocal but it's seemed to have gotten worse.  My poor niece gets bit at least once a week. 

It seems like he gets so mad and frustrated when they are fighting over a toy that he ends up biting.  It's his way of taking the fight to the next level. 

Any advice about biters?  Help.

Shayna0182

My ds was a serious biter in daycare.  He still bites occassionally, but has now taken to biting himself when he gets mad or frustrated.   The biting of other children, though, seemed to decrease over time. 

He once bit a kid on the face, and the parents had to reschedule their family pictures, because their child had a big bite mark on his face.   My dh and I were beyond mortified.   It was pretty embarrassing to pick him up at school and have to sign incident sheets because he bit. again.

I will say, keep doing what you're doing.  For ds, the way to get his attention was to take something he liked away.  At school, now, he knows that if he bites another kid over a toy, he will immediately lose that toy.   It does seem to help.   

 

debs672

Danny was a big hitter.  We got calls from his babysitter that left us pretty embarrassed as well.  It sucks - You want your child to be a lover, not a fighter!

 We got a book titled 'Hands Are Not For Hitting'.  There is a whole series including one for biting.  I think the title is 'Teeth Are Not For Biting'.  I read it to him every night and took it with him to the sitter.  She read it to all of the kids she had every day. 

 Taking stuff away also worked for us, and is our main consequence for bad behavior. 

SallyJean95

Thanks for the book recommendation!  That is a great idea.  Good to know I'm not alone.  I feel like I'm the one failing and it's so embarrasing/frustrating when your kid is "that kid", ugh. 

I don't know what to do about consequences.  My mom doesn't want to start taking toys away as punishment because it punishes my niece too.  For example, she is playing with a toy, he sees and wants it, fight ensues, bite, etc.  Taking the toy away away (putting it away in another room out of reach so no one has it) makes the original player of the toy being punished.  Not sure how to help my mom with this. 

debs672

One thing to always remember..  You are not alone.  We've all been there!

Adriamichelle83

DD was a biter for about a month or two...and while it was a short time period, it was pretty hardcore as she drew blood every time she bit. I cried the first time they called me down (I work in the same building), I was just so mortified. We talked about it CONSTANTLY and how we do NOT bite. Her teachers were also extremely proactive and started rewarding her with little things like stickers when she would go an hour or so without biting. It may sound a bit odd, but I think that really helped. Maybe talk to your DC provider (or your mom) and see if she can do something like that? Good luck, it will pass, I promise!

jmlushbough

Adriamichelle83:

DD was a biter for about a month or two...and while it was a short time period, it was pretty hardcore as she drew blood every time she bit. I cried the first time they called me down (I work in the same building), I was just so mortified. We talked about it CONSTANTLY and how we do NOT bite. Her teachers were also extremely proactive and started rewarding her with little things like stickers when she would go an hour or so without biting. It may sound a bit odd, but I think that really helped. Maybe talk to your DC provider (or your mom) and see if she can do something like that? Good luck, it will pass, I promise!

My son isn't a biter, but he has taken to hitting his four-month old sister on the head -- hard and often. I second the recommendation to focus on the positive behaviors (the not biting) rather than the actual biting. If you focus on the biting - even to say, "no biting" - you are teaching him that this is a good way to get attention. Stickers or little toys for time spent without biting is a great idea. Maybe a reward chart that he can put the stickers on?

Good luck, Mama! You're not alone, and you will get through this!