Agreed to choosing name in hospital, now it's making me nervous!

ktpaladino

My husband and I agreed to come up with our top 2 or 3 names and then decide when we finally meet our little boy in the hospital. The naming conversations have caused a lot of stress with us...I have a favorite that he says could grow on him, but he doesn't seem very excited about it. He has vetoed a ton of my suggestions, which I'n OK with but I get frustrated that nothing seems to really light his fire! I have given him a list of my top 10 and when I ask him what he thinks he just says we can talk about it later. He said he would come up with his own list "when we get close" but I have yet to see any kind of list from him. Whenever I ask him about it he seems stressed and aggitated so I just drop it and bring it up a few weeks later. Well, I'm now 37.5 weeks and the no name deal is making me nervous. I think the problem is stemming from the fact that he wants to keep the name a secret until birth and he doesn't trust me to not slip up or blast it on Facebook, so he's trying to put it off as long as possible.  I've reassured him that I would not give the name away, but my track record of accidentally letting secrets slip does not work in my favor at all. I told DH today that we need to talk about it because I don't want him coming out of left field with stuff when I am drugged and tired in the hospital. The last thing I want to be doing after delivery is trying to figure out a name. At first I was OK with deciding in the hospital, but now I am kind of changing my mind and would like to have something set going into it. I'm not really a play it by ear kind of person like he is and this is really difficult for me. Any thoughts or advice, or anyone having similar issues/feelings?

zaramarie81

I think ideally, you need to narrow the list down to 2-3 names before you go into labor. That way you won't "slip" the name because it's not officially decided but most of the hard work of name discussions are over once you've narrowed it down to your top faves. So DH needs to get on board with actually talking now.

jupiterthecat

We narrowed it down to two names with the intention of choosing in the hospital (or "seeing what she thinks," as my husband put it).  Result: she was nameless for two days after she was born. We both loved both names, but I slightly favored one and he slightly favored the other, and then after tons of consideration where we each agreed to spend time thinking of her as the other person's favorite name, we actually swapped preferences. Then we finally chose, and I had name regret for weeks (it's totally gone now. I think it was mainly the product of PP hormones). I thought she "looked" like one name over the other, but the thing is, she's 7 months old now and looks totally different. All newborns have squished up faces that flesh out into their real faces a couple months later. Next baby, we'll decide in advance.

Then again, other people go to the hospitals without a chosen name, see their baby for the first time, and are overwhelmed by shared, deep knowledge of what the baby's name should be. Your mileage may vary. 

Good luck! 

emikat

Why don't you at least have one decided for yourself in your mind going into the hospital. That way you give him time to hear his suggestions and maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised.  But if his name suggestions don't fit then you have your favorite picked and ready to put on the table. 

Mamaofthesea

zaramarie81:

I think ideally, you need to narrow the list down to 2-3 names before you go into labor. That way you won't "slip" the name because it's not officially decided but most of the hard work of name discussions are over once you've narrowed it down to your top faves. So DH needs to get on board with actually talking now.

This.

I think it's fair to at least get down to the top 2 or 3 as you originally agreed you would. Even though your H may feel like you've got all the time in the world, at this stage of your pregnancy it's entirely within the realm of possibility that you could go into labor at any time (my DD was 6 days late, so I know nothing of this, but plenty of other women give birth 2 to 3 weeks early).

It sounds like you've been more than accommodating of his needs up to this point. But maybe now is the time to press him a little. Who cares if he gets agitated? You're agitated by his behavior and he doesn't seem to be bothered. I think it's entirely reasonable to want to talk about what you're going to name your child when you're 37.5 weeks pregnant. So maybe you could just bring it up and tell him you think it's time to have a serious conversation about it and ask if you can plan a time to sit down and talk. He can bring his own list if he wants, or just work from yours. That way he won't feel like he has to talk about it right that very second and can prepare a little, but you feel like your needs are being met too.  

Good luck! 

My2cents4u

I agree with not immediately naming him, but give yourself a bit of time to feel it is his name. Also, don't feel pressured in making a decision. There are babies who leave the hospital with no name. You get to fill out the birth certificate, so you do have some power in this decision. Not advocating you name him without considering his choices.

chibride4

My2cents4u:

I agree with not immediately naming him, but give yourself a bit of time to feel it is his name. Also, don't feel pressured in making a decision. There are babies who leave the hospital with no name. You get to fill out the birth certificate, so you do have some power in this decision. Not advocating you name him without considering his choices.

In Illinois, you're required to fill out the birth certificate before you leave the hospital. Not sure how it works in other states. I agree with PPs -- narrow down your choices to no more than 3 and give yourself some time at the hospital to decide. Delivering a baby is momentous enough; I can't imagine adding the stress of naming him/her directly afterwards. You'll be super anxious to share the news with your friends and family. Good luck! 

happygolucky0505

With our first DD, we went to the hospital with a spreadsheet of SEVENTEEN names.  That's right, 17.  We were a planned c-section, so I knew we had time in the hospital to decide and I expected we'd end up going with one of  my favorites.  At the end of day 2 after her arrival, we pulled out the list and went through it. The list contained 3-4 of my favorites and 3-4 of my DH's favorites, none of which were the same.  The rest of the names were names that just hadn't come off of the list over time.  After going  through the list 1 time, he looked at me and said, I think I have one and I said the same thing.  Turns out, it was the same name, which hadn't been on either of favorite lists.... So, never fear it can be done!  That said, my DH thinks that is going to happen with the second, but I'm not so sure, so I'm starting to get stressed.  At least last time, we knew the middle name (my mom's maiden name).  This time, we got nothing!  Of course, in Texas, you don't  have to have a name to leave the hospital and we are a planned c-section again, so we have more time. Good Luck!

happygril

Well...you can't make your DH to do something he isn't ready to do---but I would at least have my own top choices narrowed down.  Personally, I would let him know my top picks and tell him that if he doesn't want to talk about his choices yet, that is fine but it won't give much time to let his names "grow" you if you disagree.  

 I think it should be a joint decision---but honestly, if he isn't even discussing things with you--it doesn't sound like you have much choice but to go ahead pick your favorites on your own.  I would.

KatieLG04

We were team green and didn't have a name even close to nailed down when DS was born.  It was 2 days before we decided on a name.  We were more in agreement with girls names, but weren't budging on our favorite boys names.  DS ended up with a name that wasn't on our list and it worked out well.  He really fits his name now