Visitors just after birth

versam

Ladies - what are you plans for visitors just after the baby is born?  I am very adamant about wanting time to bond with baby and DH...I want my own time before I am bombarded with people sntaching my baby from me. Plus I want to get breastfeeding underway. 

 The way my hopsital operates is that I will have the csection in the operating room and then escorted on the bed down to my room. I am afraid people are going to be standing there in the hall ready to pounce on us!

What are you telling people?  I am really worried about hurting peoples feelings. 

 When my DD was born we had lots of drama.  We were taken very suddenly for the c-section and didnt get a chance to call my DHs parents.  They were so angry they never even came in that first day.

 I just want things to go smoothly, I want everyone to be happy but yet I want my own time to bond with baby.

F15Wife

Tell people no visitors on the first day in order to give you time to recover and get your bearings. If they don't understand that after having a csection then in my opinion they really don't have much common sense.

FemShep

Our hospital takes you to a special recovery room with DH and baby for 2-3 hours after baby, and won't  even let visitors on the floor until you've moved to a regular room.

Why not tell family that your doctor wants you to have 2-3 hours post surgery for recovery, and DH will call or text them with an update?  Who can argue with doctors orders?   

shouldbworkin

All 3 times (in 2 different hospitals), I was in recovery for 2 hours afterward.  The first two times I "recovered" in my room, this time it was in recovery.  So, I would start by telling them you will be in recovery for at least 2 hours, whether or not you will be.  Have YH tell the nurse that covers the door that no one is to be allowed in until you say so.  And, tell your family that you'll call them when you're out of recovery and ready for visitors.  The truth is, you really never know what will happen.  Most of us have great experiences after c/s, but there is always the odd case where anesthesia doesn't agree with you and you don't want anyone around for that.

manbearpig31610

The only visitors I allowed with either child were my parents and my grandma and they did not come until I called them. DH's mother is not a partof his life and his father lives nowhere near us but if those circumstances were different I would've allowed his family as well. Do not be shy about making your wishes known. Be polite but direct.

Daisy22

We get 2 hours in recovery by ourselves before moving to a pp room. With ds1, my mom, sister and MIL were in the waiitng room and came in for like 10 minutes then left. The nurse kicked them out since it was 2am. They came back for short viists the next day. With ds2, it was scheduled at 8am. I was in my pp room by 1030am. My mom and sister came by for a short visit around lunch and brought us food. My mil and fil came for about 20 mintues later that day. My 1st c/s was easy but my 2nd was even easier. I was pretty fine by lunch time the day of my 2nd c/s so I totally didn't care if people came by. I did kick everyone out every time I had to nurse through and dh usually did this through.

It's your time if you want people there or not you need to speak your mind and let them know now. I'd first talk to your dh about things and yall be a united front.

pepomntpat

I told everyone that the visiting hours were between X and X. I didn't want anyone there. I am glad I did so. I was up for 3 nights before DD was born, then I was up the night after my c/s since I had a NB to take care of. I had a blood pressure cuff that sang every 30 minutes and the nurse "didn't know" how to turn off the sound. She was also the brilliant one who told me to just come visit DD in th nursery when I still had a catheter in and couldn't feel the bottoms of my feet. 

So, after that tangent. I was glad to have visitors the next morning. I had by that time gotten my catheter out, was able to get up and sit in a chair and was mostly disconnected from all the equipment. It would have been very unpleasant right after when I was drugged, exhausted and just wanted my baby. 

stemms8810

F15Wife:

Tell people no visitors on the first day in order to give you time to recover and get your bearings. If they don't understand that after having a csection then in my opinion they really don't have much common sense.

Pretty much this.  We are not planning on visitors outside of my immediate family the first day (DH doesn't have family that is a part of his life right now and my immediate family is very small).  If I feel up to it then the next day I wouldn't mind friends or other people. 

Don't feel bad about a no visitor policy the first day or first few hours!  No one should expect you to feel up to that right after major surgery.

dancingmatilda

Tell the nurses what you want and let them be the bad guys. They are used to dealing with pushy relatives and will be happy to make sure you get the alone time you want. Good luck!!

mybobble

We told family and friends we would let them know after the baby was born and when we were READY for them to visit. Thankfully everyone respected our choice.

There's no reason family or friends need to be there imediately after you have your baby especially after major surgery! Take the time to bond as a new family and you decide when you are ready for the visitors. They're only a phone call away.

magdalina.h

You have to have a code to get in to the maternity ward at my hospital. We didn't give the code out until we were ready for our parents to come back. MH went to get them about 2 hours later.

Happily Overwhelmed

Don't worry about hurting feelings. They'll get over it quickly when they meet LO. You're completely entitled to your space here. It's a very special, intimate moment that you need to enjoy and not stress over. Starting BFing can be hard enough. Just tell well wishers not the first day, etc. Or, if you can---don't tell them he/she is here until you want them to come.

Our hospital wouldn't let anyone in unless we gave the okay. You might be able to request your nurses to work as your bouncers if you really feel like you'll have some pushy people there. I'm sure nurses see this all the time.

Your inlaws sound like they were big babies about the situation. That's really horrible of them. You can't please everyone. You have to worry about your own little family. Lay down the rules--if they don't respect them then it's no ones fault but their own.

katmacwv

My mom and MIL were in the recovery room with us, but that was it.  I had some visitors the next 2 days, but our hospital limits visitors to 2 at a time (not including DH), so I knew we wouldn't get overwhelmed.  If this LO arrives on schedule (unlike DD), I'm fine with my mom, MIL and SIL visiting that day, but that is it.  Everyone else can wait until the next day. I should mention that my father lives 8 hours away and DH's father passed away while we were dating, so the immediate family is pretty small.

HollyBee013

I had a c-section 3 weeks and 1 day ago (woot woot!) and my husband and I had agreed no visitors until we told people they could come.  So, our parents were there in recovery, but when we were put in our room, we didnt have any visitors.  Also, we told everyone they couldnt visit except immediate family, while in the hospital and the first week we were home.  We made family let us know in advance too when they wanted to come over.  Most people understand that new families need bonding time, and if they dont, who cares?!!

lorist202

My hospital sends baby with mom into recovery, and visitors are not allowed until out of recovery- 3 or 4 hours later.

In advance, I made my rules clear.  First day, grandparents only, and a just a brief visit.  On the following days, I welcomed and encouraged all relatives during visiting hours.  I liked that the hospital was a controlled environment, and it was impossible for visitors to overstay their welcome.  Also, I only allowed grandparents and my brother (only sibling) to hold DS in the hospital.

As a result, we had very few visitors at home, which is exactly what I preferred.

M&M227

We lied a lot.  My C/S was not planned so I had it at 5:30 PM it was almost 9 before I was in my room.  We allowed family in to meet LO, then kicked them out.  Our hospital has "quiet time" from 2-4, which really no one sticks too, but we wouldn't allow any visitors during that time.  It gave us time to relax, nap and enjoy DD just to ourselves.  I was breastfeeding so I would also kick everyone out when that was happening, usually if they had been there a bit they would just leave and go home.  

Don't be afraid to tell people you need your time.  If your having a cs early in the day tell them no visitors until much later or the next day.  It's exhausting and you need time to relax and enjoy LO. 

llizzyb

We made the rule that only our immediate families could visit the day of the C-section. I had a pretty rough first day and was so glad that we stuck to this rule. Some family members got their panties in a wad over it, but it was best for us.

MichelleL1118

When DS was born (scheduled c/s at 8am), we told my parents no visitors until after dinner that evening.  And they mostly respected our wishes.  This time, I think once I'm settled in my room, I'll send DH to pick up DS so he can meet his new brother or sister, and we can have an hour or two alone as a family of 4, then my parents can come visit for a little while and take DS home with them.  (My parents are our only local family).  I'm not telling anyone else when the c/s will be, since it caused a lot of drama last time.

elsINlb

You tell people what you want them to do! If your c-section is at a scheduled time, maybe tell people to come several hours after that so you have time to bond with your baby and husband. Or even tell them to come the next day! I think it's okay to be upfront with everyone and tell them that you want some time alone with the baby and your husband before having visitors.

Don't worry about making other people happy. This is YOUR child's birth! People should understand that

Good luck! 

Allibob

What do YOU want to do? My advice would be to tell everyone that you won't be feeling well and will welcome visitors the next day. Or, if you don't feel comfortable with that, blame it on hospital policy and give yourself several hours. Then, if you change your mind and feel great 2 hours later, you can invite them over. It's much better to have them expect the worst case and get a pleasant surprise than the opposite scenario. But it all totally depends on what you're comfortable with, and everyone's different. Don't worry too much about making everyone else happy. 

Fgsp

Do exactly what YOU want. It's a serious surgery and people should understand you don't know how you will feel until afterwards and will make a call on visitors only then. I got pushed into letting my mother in law come which I profoundly regret as she rocked up unannounced w my sister in law....  While I had my urine bag on the bed.  It's about you, bub and DH.