How do you discipline your toddler?

BlueSky1015

DD, who is 2.5, is really getting into pushing boundaries with us.  She seems to listen REALLY well at DC, but likes to see how much she can get away with, with me, particularly.  She fights going to bed (excuses, jumping out of bed, running away), she ignores direction from me selectively, etc.  I know this is all very  normal, but to other parents of toddlers- what is your method to manage your toddler?  do you pick your battles? count to 5 or 3 (doesn't work for DD),  time out?

 

honeybee111

I think the most important thing we have is consistency.  That way, DD knows our expectations and consequences.  We occasionally have boundary testing, but once we let her know what is/is not ok, she's usually pretty good.  We had the excuses about going to bed thing, and I finally told her that there would be no bedtime story if she wasted time asking for a 5th drink of water.  Yes, she threw a fit when there was no bedtime story, but now she goes to bed no problem.  Also, we do pick our battles, but DD knows when we mean business - holding hands when crossing the street, for example.  I have carried a screaming toddler across the street before because she refused to hold my hand, but now she holds our hands whenever we ask her to.  Oh, and we also praise her a LOT for good behavior.  I think that's really important for discipline.  I do count to 3 if she's not listening to directions as in "I'm going to count to 3 and if you don't __________, then you are going to time out."  I haven't actually had to do the time out in about 6 months - the threat(or my tone of voice) seems to be enough.

dragon_chica

honeybee111:

I think the most important thing we have is consistency.  That way, DD knows our expectations and consequences.  We occasionally have boundary testing, but once we let her know what is/is not ok, she's usually pretty good.  We had the excuses about going to bed thing, and I finally told her that there would be no bedtime story if she wasted time asking for a 5th drink of water.  Yes, she threw a fit when there was no bedtime story, but now she goes to bed no problem.  Also, we do pick our battles, but DD knows when we mean business - holding hands when crossing the street, for example.  I have carried a screaming toddler across the street before because she refused to hold my hand, but now she holds our hands whenever we ask her to.  Oh, and we also praise her a LOT for good behavior.  I think that's really important for discipline.  I do count to 3 if she's not listening to directions as in "I'm going to count to 3 and if you don't __________, then you are going to time out."  I haven't actually had to do the time out in about 6 months - the threat(or my tone of voice) seems to be enough.

We do a lot of this.  Consistency is key because toddlers have the attention span of zilch.  So anything you say will have been forgotten within moments.  Get used to sounding like a broken record!  Let me add to what Honeybee has already said.

1. When talking to DD, whether it's asking her to do something or to stop a bad behavior we try to make eye contact with her.  We ask her to look at us and then ask her to do x, y, z.  Sometimes I'll even hold her hands.

2. Turn a negative into a positive.  Instead of "Don't run" I say, "Walk, please.  Instead of "Don't touch" I say, "Leave it, please."

3. Validate his/her feelings.  "I know you really wanted to do x, y, z but (insert reason)." and then provide an alternative.

4. Give LO an anticipation.  "Let's go down the slide one more time and then it's time to go home, ok?" I always make sure that DD says "ok" back so I know she heard me.

5. We don't do timeouts.  Instead we refer to it as a "cool down."  Toddlers don't have the ability to understand the true meaning of a timeout.  They aren't able to sit there and reflect.  As much as any parent wants to insist that after doing timeouts their 2 y/o really understands they're not suppose to do it they really don't.  Instead we tell DD she's too upset so she needs to go cool down.  She gets a little corner to stand in to calm down.  DH has even taught her how to take deep breaths.

superaunt

i'm extremely consistent with whatever we do.

examples: bedtime is right after Pajanimals- period (during the work week since i have to get her up at 530). she fights this on a daily basis, tries to stall. i tell her to pick out three books, we read those three books, i sing to her while holding her, lay her down, goodnight. some times she says she doesn't want me to sing, she just wants to go to bed. fine. i'm pretty sure she's testing me b/c she always shoots back up and asks me to sing. which i do and then she always goes back down.

dinner is in her high chair- period. she has to take at least one bite of everything (may change this to two bites soon) before she gets milk or a popsicle.

if i threaten to do something if she doesn't listen, i follow through with my threat. every time. for eg: i asked her to pick up her blocks and she insisted on tossing them around, ignoring my request. i tried helping her pick them up, she kept tossing them around. i gave her a warning. ignore. i gave her another warning telling her if she didn't pick them up, i'd throw them out. ignore. i picked them all up and threw them in the garbage (they've been retreived and are sitting in the closet). this happened one other time with some other toys and again, i ended up "throwing them away". now when i ask her to pick up, she does.

all that said, i've been told i have a very easy child so i guess consistency and follow thru may not work for everyone.

 

Kingston54

You got lots of great advice.  I especially agree that you have to follow through.  If you say "if you ____ one more time, you're ____", you have to do it.  No false threats.  The consistency is key and they will learn you mean business.  Doesn't mean they'll be perfect/stop misbehaving, but they'll know they can't continue in order to get a different result from you.