**ooglybear**

TheBuddha

Ok.  So tell me more.

If your DH is out of town for military and YOU are around (you are the SM right?) then your SK gets to stay with you??

So if I am home for the weekend and it is a weekend that SS stays home (he lives here) and DH has an overnight drill...he can stay here with me?

Ilumine

This all depends on your Court Order. Unless specifically stated in the CO, spouses of the BP are no different than the BP.  

At least for a weekend drill. It would be the same if the BP had to work late. Drilling is not deployment. It's just an extended work day. 

hopanka

I would offer the weekend to BM in that case.

Ooglybear

*blip*

TheBuddha

Ooglybear:

I am the SM and yes the kids stay with me for drill weekend, summer AT, and regular business trips. 

DH and BM have joint legal and physical custody (we do every other week), but DH has the exclusive right to establish the kids' primary residence.  

In our first year of marriage, DH ended up being deployed to Iraq. We talked to a lawyer about visitation, etc. Texas had just passed something to address military deployment of the CP. Basically a temporary order takes effect saying that (while the CP is deployed) the NCP becomes CP, and the CP designates a person to take the NCP visitation (EOWeekend for the standard). Since we did 50/50 custody, visitation did not change at all. While he was deployed I had the kids half the time and had most of the legal parental rights/responsibilities explicitly granted to me.

ETA: Yeah, what Illumine said. Are you in Texas? If so, you shouldn't have a problem keeping SS while DH is at drill. 

I am in Illinois.

DH's unit is actually on a warning order for a deployment in August.  DH talked to his commander about his legal rights about keeping custody of SS and the commander said "I am not going to risk your little boy" and took DH off the deployability list.

DH won custody of SS because BM was in pretty bad shape.  She hadn't enrolled him in kindergarten...he was waaaaaay behind.  His first grade report card showed failing grades in all subjects.  In class he was so nervous (no socialization so he was very uncomfortable in a classroom) he would clam up and freak out when the teacher called on him.  BM is 36 and hasn't worked in 9 years.  She lives at home with her parents who are retired and shares their guest bedroom with SS.  On top of these things BM was taking SS to her boyfriend's house almost every night (he lived 2 hours away from her) and would wake SS up at 4am, make him eat breakfast in the car and drop him off at school at 7am.

My SS's BM is a terrible mother.  She can't seem to get her act together, not even for her own son.  She has no desire to work or improve their situation.  She stood in front of a judge who was holding SS's report card and stated that "SS's teacher said he was doing fine, his report card means nothing".  She was in complete denial.  He was 7 when he came to live with us.  He could barely read, he could not tie his own shoes and he could not ride a bicycle.

DH would do anything to prevent SS from going back to live with his mother.  I honestly feel that it is a situation of failure and success in life if SS lives with his mother.  She has no drive or motivation to do anything and I fear for SS's future being raised by her (especially since we can provide better for him.  Obviously there are worse situations than him living with BM).

Now...with this being said, DH doesn't want SS over there any more than he has to be.  The weekends are terrible.  SS comes home irritable and crabby and EXHAUSTED.  BM has told DH there is no bedtime at her house and she can do whatever she wants.  This is completely true...so we get exhausted child on Sunday nights.  His teacher can tell what weekends he has been with his mother.  An extra weekend at BM's house is not a good thing.  So if SS can stay here with me on our weekends (I'm not trying to take any of BM's time away) it only benefits SS.  When asked he said he would prefer to stay here on our weekends...regardless of where DH is.  Plus, it's not just me, he has a brother her (who he adores!) and another sibling on the way.

Do we need to have the CO re-interpreted?  Or can we just go with the fact that just because DH is on an overnight drill...it is perfectly acceptable for SS to stay here with me?  It's not like he is leaving SS with a babysitter (although that is what BM calls me).

Sorry for this ending up so long.  I feel like I have to explain our situation.  DH wasn't awarded custody randomly...things were really bad at BM's home.

Ooglybear

TheBuddha:

Do we need to have the CO re-interpreted?  Or can we just go with the fact that just because DH is on an overnight drill...it is perfectly acceptable for SS to stay here with me?  It's not like he is leaving SS with a babysitter (although that is what BM calls me).

Sorry for this ending up so long.  I feel like I have to explain our situation.  DH wasn't awarded custody randomly...things were really bad at BM's home.

I would check with your lawyer. I have no experience with IL, so I cannot say.  I would assume that you'd be able to just keep SS. If BM doesn't like it, the onus would be on her to bring it before a judge.

On the one hand, I cannot imagine a judge in your situation thinking that it would be in the child's best interest to spend an extra weekend with BM instead of a stable custodial SM. On the other hand, it sounds like you've been operating this way for a while and a judge may say that a precedent has been set. So talk to a lawyer.