Baby Shower RSVP question

ManderzTk2

One of my good friends offered to throw a baby shower for me. She wants me to design the invitations. I'm fine with this. I make all of her invitations anyway and she will be helping. So yesterday I was making a mock-up of the invitation when I came to the RSVP part. I asked her if she wanted me to put her phone number and email or just one or the other. She said she never checks email other than her work and for obvious reasons doesn't want to give that out. Ok, that leaves her phone number, right? No, she doesn't want her phone number given out either. So then she suggests that I create a new email for SO and myself specifically for baby-related things. I just feel kind of silly doing this. As the host, I feel like she should be in charge of the RSVPs and if guests have questions they should be able to contact her. Am I wrong?

Thanks for listening and for any ideas/advice you ladies have! 

mmitche0

We set up a new email for the guest to rsvp to. Example babyjason@yahoo.com

k.martell

What's wrong with the phone number?  She's going to get a call with yes or no and if that scares her just screen the calls.

dufferoo

Wow that does seem really weird to me, but from reading the PP, I guess it's been done. Why doesn't she want to give out her phone number? Are a lot of your friends in prison? Or worse, telemarketers?? I agree that she "should" be in charge of the RSVPs, and I've never heard of it done any other way, but if all else fails, could she maybe be the one to set up a special shower-related e-mail address?

ChristyML

Of all the things I've heard on this board, the host is supposed to "get" the RSVP's and is supposed to answer any questions. I think she's being difficult. Is she generally a difficult person?

ManderzTk2

She didn't really go into detail about why she didn't want to give out her phone number. She just went into suggesting I create the email address thing and I didn't want to push it. She made it pretty clear that I would be the one to set it up and manage it. I'm grateful that she offered to throw me a shower but I'm starting to think she is just being difficult. Like maybe she didn't realize the effort that was required and is slowly backing out? After my first post I googled to see if there was some sort of website that I could set-up for RSVPs but haven't found one that doesn't require an e-vite to be sent. I'm just afraid I'm going to be the one planning and executing the whole thing. Which is fine but then what's the difference between that and me hosting my own shower? SO and I are providing the venue (his restaurant) and more than likely the food too, I'm doing the invitations, and it seems now handling the RSVPs too. Maybe I'm just being overly dramatic about the whole thing?

ChristyML

ManderzTk2:

She didn't really go into detail about why she didn't want to give out her phone number. She just went into suggesting I create the email address thing and I didn't want to push it. She made it pretty clear that I would be the one to set it up and manage it. I'm grateful that she offered to throw me a shower but I'm starting to think she is just being difficult. Like maybe she didn't realize the effort that was required and is slowly backing out? After my first post I googled to see if there was some sort of website that I could set-up for RSVPs but haven't found one that doesn't require an e-vite to be sent. I'm just afraid I'm going to be the one planning and executing the whole thing. Which is fine but then what's the difference between that and me hosting my own shower? SO and I are providing the venue (his restaurant) and more than likely the food too, I'm doing the invitations, and it seems now handling the RSVPs too. Maybe I'm just being overly dramatic about the whole thing?

I don't think you are being dramatic. It kind of does sound like she is backing out maybe. I would wait a little while longer to see if she tries to make you do anymore things (such as getting the food or decor ready).

It's really rude for a host to back out of planning a shower, but if she's making you do like 30% or more of the work, I'd just tell her either to stop planning and forget it or get a co-host and stop making you do stuff. It would look bad, and it's supposed to be a gift to you.  

rhubarb123

Personally, what I would do is drop it back in her lap.  RSVP's are her responsibility.  You are designing and making the invites plus providing the venue free of charge and the food free of charge.  What the heck is SHE doing?  Don't you know her phone number?  How do you contact her?  Put her phone number on there.  I suppose you could put "Please RSVP to (her name) at YOUR email address or you could make an email address just for RSVP's.  There will still have to be a way to answer people's questions...hence her phone number.  It is easy for people to just email but if they have questions they will/can call her.  If she doesn't like that you've put her number on the invite then I guess she can come up with an invite of her own.

I'm thinking she doesn't really care if people RSVP or not since she is not the one that has to make sure there is enough seating and food or CARE if there is too much and it is wasted (it is not on HER dime).

FirstTimePregnancy

I have family members and my best friend helping out with my shower.  While my cousin made and sent out the invites, my best friend offered to be the RSVP on them.  If your friend seems to have a problem sending out the invites AND being the RSVP, do you happen to have another person who would be willing to give their phone number out to do so?

cwm11985

SHE should be the one to set up an new email, if thats the route she prefers (although its very weird that she won't put her phone number on them...).  It isn't your responsibility to collect RSVPs.

dufferoo

ManderzTk2:

She didn't really go into detail about why she didn't want to give out her phone number. She just went into suggesting I create the email address thing and I didn't want to push it. She made it pretty clear that I would be the one to set it up and manage it. I'm grateful that she offered to throw me a shower but I'm starting to think she is just being difficult. Like maybe she didn't realize the effort that was required and is slowly backing out? After my first post I googled to see if there was some sort of website that I could set-up for RSVPs but haven't found one that doesn't require an e-vite to be sent. I'm just afraid I'm going to be the one planning and executing the whole thing. Which is fine but then what's the difference between that and me hosting my own shower? SO and I are providing the venue (his restaurant) and more than likely the food too, I'm doing the invitations, and it seems now handling the RSVPs too. Maybe I'm just being overly dramatic about the whole thing?

Whoa! There is no difference! So don't be fine with it! If you are pretty sure your friend is backing out, then don't send out those invites! Don't let her turn you into "that guy"! Sit your friend down and be like "Hey, I'm worried that it's going to look like I'm hosting my own shower, and I totally don't want it to turn into that. What are your real thoughts on this whole thing?" Then honestly listen. If she's at all wishy-washy about wanting to do this, then tell her thanks so much for her offer, but you think you'd feel better about skipping the shower. But pretty please don't just use this all as an excuse to host your own shower.

ryry1977

The host should be doing all the RSVPing.  The mom-to-be shouldn't have to worry about that!

ManderzTk2

Thanks ladies. I'm going to sit down and talk with her about it all. I'm not ok with hosting your own shower and if she doesn't want to do it anymore so be it. 

Cranang

And what about older guests?  My mom doesn't have access to email.  I know a lot of people who don't. What are they supposed to do?

She needs to give her phone number...she's being uber-paranoid for no reason.  It's bu!!sh!t.

mypreciouscargos

Here's an idea she can't get out of. So she doesn't want to give out her # or email. Have her get a Google Voice #. It's FREE and people can leave message/RSVP there. Ha-ah {sorry to sound evil}, let her try to get out of this one. Seriously though, as a host, it's her responsibility to handle the invite, RSVP etc...