talk to me about mediation....

mdotm0904

it's for two hours tomorrow evening. If you had to do it, how did yours go? the woman on the phone told me that they have a list of things they discuss and try to keep it focused on DD and not so much us (which is a good thing because I'm sure he'll boo hoo about his big bad "baby mama" to this person who is supposed to be impartial!) Anyway, is there anything I need to do to prepare myself? i know that it's pretty pointless to go because he wants 50/50 (so that he doesn't have to pay child support) and I'm not agreeing to 50/50. If we can't agree will they make us just sit there for 2 hours staring at each other? or does it take that long to talk everything out?

sweetie0228

Make a list of everything we talk about here and then prioritize them into 3 columns. 1. If I had everything I ever wanted (F pays CS including $$ for daycare and $$ for 529 college fund.  F sees DC every other year for 2 hours starting at 3p and returns DC promptly at 5pm...etc)

2. Things that will only happen when you pull this child from my cold dead hands ( he gets full custody and you pay him child support and a little sumpin sumpin extra)

3. Things that I can live with, gradual increase to visitation with overnights starting at 3yrs old.  etc

CFjo2010

sweetie0228:

Make a list of everything we talk about here and then prioritize them into 3 columns. 1. If I had everything I ever wanted (F pays CS including $$ for daycare and $$ for 529 college fund.  F sees DC every other year for 2 hours starting at 3p and returns DC promptly at 5pm...etc)

2. Things that will only happen when you pull this child from my cold dead hands ( he gets full custody and you pay him child support and a little sumpin sumpin extra)

3. Things that I can live with, gradual increase to visitation with overnights starting at 3yrs old.  etc

^^ All of this.  But prepared, in some States CS is not discussed in mediation (in CA if you so much as attempt to bring it up, the mediator will shut you down before you finish a sentence).  Focus more on what visitation will look like.

I strongly urge you to start planning a holiday schedule.  Be as specific as possible regarding pick up and drop off times.  Look at the calendar a few years out and make sure you take everything into consideration (Easter, LO's birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, etc.).  Figure out any out of State travel orders you might want and how much notice needs to be given.  A good rule of thumb: if it's not addressed in the CO, you can't stop it.  Meaning: if you don't address out of State travel, you can't tell your ex that he can't take LO out of State at a later time.  Try and iron out a reasonable deadline for you both to notify the other of any vacations you might want to take, and how much notice he is required to give if he can't exercise his vistation.

Also, remember that rules go both ways.  If you demand something be put in the CO that limits your ex from doing something, be prepared to be held to that same rule.  A good example is overnight visitors.  If you have it put in the CO that your ex can't have overnight visitors while LO is with him, you will have the same Order placed on you.  And while that may night seem like a big deal now, just wait until you meet an amazing man and want him to stay the night or even move in with you.  Same goes for right of first refusal.  If you have it stated that when LO is in your ex's care no one else can watch LO for him if he needs to work, be prepared for the same restriction to be put on you.

Good luck!

mdotm0904

sweetie0228:

Make a list of everything we talk about here and then prioritize them into 3 columns. 1. If I had everything I ever wanted (F pays CS including $$ for daycare and $$ for 529 college fund.  F sees DC every other year for 2 hours starting at 3p and returns DC promptly at 5pm...etc)

2. Things that will only happen when you pull this child from my cold dead hands ( he gets full custody and you pay him child support and a little sumpin sumpin extra)

3. Things that I can live with, gradual increase to visitation with overnights starting at 3yrs old.  etc

lol sweetie. but i get it.

 

thanks ladies. i'm sitting down now and going over the list of topics and also the sample visitation that i sent to my lawyer a few weeks back. i'm going prepared as if we are two civil adults who can work this out (even though i highly doubt this will happen). and yeah child support can't be discussed, the woman on the phone already gave me a heads up.  

HisChamaoleGirl

mdotm0904:

sweetie0228:

Make a list of everything we talk about here and then prioritize them into 3 columns. 1. If I had everything I ever wanted (F pays CS including $$ for daycare and $$ for 529 college fund.  F sees DC every other year for 2 hours starting at 3p and returns DC promptly at 5pm...etc)

2. Things that will only happen when you pull this child from my cold dead hands ( he gets full custody and you pay him child support and a little sumpin sumpin extra)

3. Things that I can live with, gradual increase to visitation with overnights starting at 3yrs old.  etc

lol sweetie. but i get it.

 

thanks ladies. i'm sitting down now and going over the list of topics and also the sample visitation that i sent to my lawyer a few weeks back. i'm going prepared as if we are two civil adults who can work this out (even though i highly doubt this will happen). and yeah child support can't be discussed, the woman on the phone already gave me a heads up.  

How did it go?