Registry is selfish?

JanaBabe87

I had mentioned to a family member recently that I wanted to do up a registry soon so that friends and family can see what I am asking for. Not necessarily to buy the one's that I find but something like it and also so that I'm not getting asked constantly what I want or need. Well this family member started to go on and on about how a registry is selfish and that I would be acting like a spoiled brat on christmas if I "demand" gifts. I was completely blown away! I wouldn't do up a registry if people weren't asking what I needed and such. I just wanted to slap them in the face for calling me a selfish spoiled brat!

JFluvsJD80

Is this an older relative? Showers weren't as common years ago (let alone registries), but still, it's 2012.....if people are asking what you'd like, that usually insinuates they'd like to get you a gift. I think a registry makes perfect sense. I'd ignore it.

hmartinez0809

well then I am a selfish person :-)

JFluvsJD80

hmartinez0809:

well then I am a selfish person :-)

Yeah, seriously! Just call me "selfish" because DH and I put the finishing touches on ours today lol 

babyruth88

hahahaha call me selfish too. maybe this other family member is just jealous

punkrockabye

If it's a first baby, a registry is standard. It's not your fault some people or older relatives are jealous of the fact you're having a child and others will want to get you things. A registry (and shower invite) aren't subpoenas to provide a gift. I'd hesitate to give more than a gift card if someone had no registry because if I'm spending money on something, I want it to be something that the person wants and needs. 

 Even if it's not a first baby some people make registries because others ask for it. Even without a shower some people may still want to give gifts, so if someone asks first, they can be pointed to a registry. 

Sarah5683

I don't think that a registry is related to being a selfish brat unless you're going to throw a fit if someone buys off registry.

LaurenCase89

I don't think that you deserved that at all. Goodness! It's not like you are demanding that someone buy you some ridiculously expensive presents. I don't know what is wrong with this person, but I wouldn't invite them to my shower.

weberm05

I didn't register for my shower b/c I felt funny asking for stuff ha ha.  I'm old fashioned...i didn't register for my wedding shower either b/c I felt funny.   I don't consider people "selfish" asking for stuff...i just felt funny b/c I would never ask for something expensive, plus I know our family wouldn't buy stuff like that anyway..so my registry would have been for they cheapest stuff possible.....so i didn't

pixieprincss

Registries/wishlists are pretty common in our culture, but that does not make then universally considered in good taste. It sounds like the person took your polite small-talk as something unattractive, and that stinks and is unfair. But, you can't control their opinions, only how you act in return. Keep on being your gracious self, and that will speak more loudly than their weirdness. You might also consider--now that you know this conversation happened--if perhaps you should not mention a registry unless someone first asks. Some folks are just more "proper" about such things. (My mom is one of them. She never said my registry with DS was selfish or anything like that, but she also never asked about it, looked at it, nor referred her friends who wanted to give us gifts to it, etc. Wishlists of any sort are not her style. This is the absolute opposite of the rest of the family who pretty much only gives from wishlists. I just roll with it,)

Cilley

Not selfish, but helpful! No one is required to pick something on the list, but if they have no clue and want some help, it is there.

JFluvsJD80

Cilley:

Not selfish, but helpful! No one is required to pick something on the list, but if they have no clue and want some help, it is there.

 

Exactly. I, personally, never view a registry (wedding or baby) as selfish. It's helpful for me to pick something out that they want  

ChubbyCheekiesMom

I have 2 registries and this is my 2nd!  I did one to get the 20% because we need everything for this baby since we moved and sold 99% of what we had.  Friends and family are welcome to ask about it, shop off of it, but mostly I made it for myself. IMO there is nothing selfish about having them!

Mama_B

A registry is not selfish at all!  It makes life so much easier for everyone that "wants" to get you something.  People have been registering for weddings for years and no one thinks anything bad of it.  I also like it because they know what you do/dont need.  In the long run its easier than returning a bunch of stuff when your 36 weeks along, dog tired, and have to stand in line returning all of the unwanted or duplicated items.  I've always used mine because prego brain forgets a lot of things.

liz_bluefreak

LMFAO Gift registry selfish?!! no,no, gift registry is the easiest way for you to let your fam and friends know what you would like. It is not an "I expect" list. What your relative probably doesn't understand is that family and friends can CHOOSE to get you the items or not and that's why it isn't selfish to register. The more registries you have the better because you are giving those fam and friends more choices of what you would like for your bundle of joy Good luck!

khill86

I know I'm probably on my own on this one. But here goes. While I wouldn't say a registry is selfish, I would say they are tacky. For babies especially...

MetsGirl18

I don't think a registry is selfish.  With my first, I did a lot of research and tried out many of the major baby gear items.  There are so many different brands.  People have different lifestyles, storage space and needs.  What works for one family may not work well for another.  If someone is going to buy you a gift, I think it's better to get something that the person actually wants and will use. 

Sillylttleone

No way! Scan away lady! A registry is things youd like to have, not demands. People can choose to buy those things for you, or choose not to. Its not like your saying I only want this...nothing else. Dont let it bother you, the person who ranted was either just jealous of you, or doesnt understand how showers work. Have fun registering! I loved it!

SposaBellarina

As long as you have items at a variety of price points, a registry can be very helpful to friends and family.

 

JFluvsJD80

It's also helpful for YOU. Whatever I don't get as a gift, DH and I can go back to purchase for 10% off. Pretty worth it to me.

Nikko Blue

If you emailed out the link to family/friends who didn't ask about it, that would be selfish. But to just create one? No. Many people create registries just to keep a running list of the items they still need to get for baby.

Blue Pansy

khill86:

I know I'm probably on my own on this one. But here goes. While I wouldn't say a registry is selfish, I would say they are tacky. For babies especially...

What's tacky about it? I think we should all be able and willing to purchase what we need for our babies ourselves, but I don't see a registry as inherently more tacky than honestly answering the "So what do you want/need for the baby?" question we're all asked.

JanaBabe87

I made one only because I had tons of friends and family constantly asking what I want/need. I just got tired of repeating myself so I thought registry was easier. I've been picking really reasonable stuff. I wouldn't ever ask for anything ridiculously expensive either! Since this is our first baby both our parents have told us that they would buy the expensive items like crib, car seat, stroller, etc, and not to buy a single thing. Of course I will still buy for ourselves too, I would feel weird to just expect that everyone will get me what I need. My parents have pretty much demanded that we don't buy the bigger items (apparently in our families its like a tradition to buy the bigger first born items). Anyway this person who said this has been hounding her boyfriend of six years to propose, she isn't married yet and really wants to be. So I think it might be just a little bit of jealousy. But thank you all for clearing my mind about it! I almost threw my registries out the window!

JulesDiane

Ugh. That is soooo stupid! A registry is so that people know what you need and you don't end up with 50 towels, 3 breast pumps, 100 pairs of socks, and no burp cloths. Don't listen to her!

katmacwv

I get annoyed when someone doesn't register (for baby or wedding) so I know I'm getting them something they really want and/or need.  That relative is clearly off base and shouldn't have treated you that way.