Reluctant to come here but finally found the courage...

jerseykates

I am an October 2011 Mommy.  I am 5 months PP as of today and wondering if what I'm feeling is PPD.  I had a rough start even 5 months ago and was very sad for a long time.  This is my scenario in a nutshell:

-  I'm a SAHM until August when I go back to teaching

- My husband works 5 days a week, 16 hour days so I can stay home

- My family is all over 2 hours away

I hope some of you can guide me in a direction because I feel really lost.  I feel guilt and anger and lonliness.  I absolutely love my LO and love waking up to his smile, playing with him and doing our daily routine.   But the days are incredibly long since DH doesn't get home until 10pm.  So M-F I'm a single mom.  Here's the guilt - he is working those hours so I can stay home for LO's first year.  I am usually okay until about 2:00pm when basically I've exhausted every fun thing I possibly can with LO.  That's when I get really sad.  And I get mad that DH isn't going to be home in 2 hours to help me or give me a break.  So then I end up calling him and venting in anger.  It all makes me feel awful.

I also just feel incredibly lost.  I was a teacher before LO and was constantly on the go and busy.  I feel like all I do is sit in the living room and watch TV while playing with LO, except for the few minutes we are in the kitchen or his room or the 2 hours I try to get out of the house.  I feel like I have no purpose and that nothing is keeping me busy.  Don't get me wrong - I'm exhausted at the end of the day lke I've never been before. 

And all of this makes me feel like a terrible mother.  I considered returning to work back in January just because I couldn't handle being home alone all day with LO.  THankfully I came to my senses after I hysterically cried one night about the whole situation and how selfish it was. 

Ugh, I've rambled.  So basically as I sit here writing this, I've been crying on and off for a good 5 hours.  I hope this made sense. . .what do I do?

 

 

frecks2112

Even after 8 hours, I start feeling really lonely, I couldn't do it for 16. on my long days (I SAHM 2 days a week), I plan at least two outings, one that I know I can interact with other people. Do you have a gym nearby that you can go to with LO? I found "Better Bodies" not quite sure if its a CO thing. I take LO and then I do a workout class (HUGE HELP)!

I also plan one outing in the afternoon where I can just be out for at least an hour. I go to the library, the park, the store, the mall, whatever, I have to break up the day or it just seems like FOREVER and I start to get depressed.

Do you have an friends nearby?

IT also might be good to see a therapist and see what he/she says. My therapist gave me the oomph I needed to get working out again, going to church, doing the things I needed to do to be a good mom.

Once a week, go see your family, it's far, but sounds like you really need it. 

brittandjoe

You're not a terrible mother. It's REALLY hard to be alone all that time. The only thing that got me thru the first year of my daughter's life was a PPD support group at a nearby hospital that I made myself go to once/wk. You have to be around other women that are going thru the same thing. There are a couple women in my group who have husbands that are out of town a lot and I can't imagine...it's hard enough when DH is gone for 8 hours, I can't imagine anymore. I think you're very strong and a great mother for wanting to stay at home.

ashleyann331

It sounds like you feel very isolated. I'm a FTM (due in July) and I would imagine having a new baby is a very at home thing. I know it can be very hard to get a small baby out and about so to stay at home is much easier. Then you feel isolated, which is a very vicious cycle... the more isolated you feel, the more you isolate yourself. What your feeling is very normal. The things our bodies go through from day 1 of pregnancy to long after we deliver is incredible. I obviously don't know what its like to feel how your feeling since I'm yet to have my baby, but I have had issues with depression and anxiety so I'm assuming you feel one type you have a pretty good idea. Its a almost scary feeling. The good news is there are way to feel better. The first would be to get out of the house every day- even if all you do is take LO for a walk with you. Its out of the environment that you feel the most down in. Also, talk to someone if you can. I totally recommend a therapist. I've been seeing one throughout my divorce and she has helped me so much. Even if you don't have full on PPD it may one day develop into that. Depression of any soft doesn't just go away one day, it get deeper and deeper until you feel almost like a totally different person. You owe it to yourself and your LO to look into anything your feeling.

Basil27

this is pretty similar to what happened with my first child..no sleep mixed with the shock of not working and being home allllll day long alone just got to me. I would def talk to your doctor, but you should try to get out of the house which I know for me was hard since you have a newborn and its like what the heck do I do? is there anyway you could work part time? even if its not teaching? or what about if you put here in daycare for just one day and did substitute teaching at a school? I planned on being a stay at home mom and the isolation was just to much for me. I started working just 2 days a week for 5 hours at a time and it REALLY helped..just getting fresh air and being around other adults for a few hours really made a difference. GL