WWYD? Regarding future SD.
dmndsr4eva
member
I have been dating BF for about six months now. Things have gotten serious and he and my DS have gotten very attached.
Assuming everything continues as it is we will get engaged and married sometime in the next year or two.
On several occasions his 18 yo daughter has talked about him building her a house on his property. Yesterday she started talking about it again and telling him to build her a house for her whole future family. He has a studio guest house that is quite large and he told her that she could live there (I think his intention was before she gets married). She tells him oh no I can't live there. I need a bigger house for me and my husband and our kids. Honestly if this is going to be my future I wonder if I should just get out while I can. I have no idea how to approach this subject with him. I have no intention of supporting his adult daughter and her family. He can barely get by now by himself I don't see how on earth she thinks he can afford to build her a house.
For all I know she is just rattling off, but she seems pretty serious about it. I mean she is 18 years old and it is becoming very clear to me that she has no intention of becoming an independant functioning adult. I love how she things that her future husband will also want/need for her daddy to support him.
Re: WWYD? Regarding future SD.
I have been dating BF for about six months now. Things have gotten serious and he and my DS have gotten very attached.
Assuming everything continues as it is we will get engaged and married sometime in the next year or two.
I would wait a while before you start thinking marriage. You have to start communicating now. I see some very big RED flags.
My advice is to MYOB.
You are not married or even engaged to this man, thus it is none of your business how he spends his money or treats his DD.
Watch and learn. If he gives in or puts himself in a precarious financial situation to appease his daughter then RUN, head for the hills and keep going.
The whole point of dating is to weed out the people who do not 'gel' with your way of thinking or how you would live your life.
This is a great oppertunity for you to see if you can live with / marry this man.
Ditto this. It is not your job to say or do anything, but watch how he handles things very carefully and if he handles them differently than you would want to live then get out. And if you already think you should get out, then do so now b/c like someone else said, it will only get harder, not easier.
Six months is way too early for:
1. Your ds to have spent enough time with him that they are "very attached."
2. You to be involved with what he decides regarding his daughter and her possibly living on his property.
3. You to be worried about supporting his adult daughter.
I agree that you need to sit back and listen and observe. It should tell you all you need to know.
What are his reactions? How does he respond? If he is not offering to build something then I wouldn't worry about it. If he is seriously discussing it and considering it - then I would run.
Does he confide in you about this?
Also, you need to realize too that an 18 year old has NO CLUE how much a home costs or what it would take to build a home. She has no clue. She's probably asking for the moon because she thinks she can manipulate her dad and maybe get half of what she's asking.
You could probably use the money from selling your e-ring from your XFI to put towards a down payment for your future SD.
Seriously Diamonds...you need to get your head screwed on straight.