really hard day (long vent) — The Bump
Adoption

really hard day (long vent)

Four of my very closest friends (three were bridesmaids in my wedding and the other is a friend from high school, that is now my neighbor, AND went through IF hell with me)  are all having babies.  The first gave birth last thursday, another gave birth yesterday, the third is being induced next week, and the last is due the first week of April.  

I have spent several days at the hospital holding new sweet babies.  Three of my friends are sensitive to my struggles with IF and the fourth is clueless.  I almost feel like she is rubbing it in.  I know she would never say or do anything to intentionally hurt me, but I just can't talk to her.   She was talking to me today about how excited she is about all the new babies, and giving me details about her pregnant teenage students.  I had to cut her off.  Hang up, and literally scream!    I burst into tears and had a much needed cry.  I love her dearly, but she is very hard to talk to right now.

It doesn't help that we officially turned down an adoptive situation today.  I know it was the right choice for us, but it was still so hard to say no.   I'm just freaking sad, and I want a big neon sign to fall down from the sky that says . "YES!  You will be a mom!" 

Thanks for letting me vent.. I think I'm gonna cry some more now :( 

[IMG]http://i34.tinypic.com/idb22r.jpg[/IMG]
TTC since December '08
Dx PCOS and Endo
lap to remove cysts turned into full laparotomy Nov. '09
4 cycles of clomid=BFN
1 clomid iui = BFN
new doctor and a new plan
august '10 - began 6 months of lupron depot
IVF our only option for biological baby
May '11 Decided we are moving on to adoption!

Re: really hard day (long vent)

  • :(  

    Bad days are all too frequent in this journey.  Hugs to you.
    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
  • I am really sorry you are having such a tough time. We have all been where you are with the same thoughts and worries. Sending prayers your way. Just remember all of this pain and heartache will be worth it when you are holding your own baby in your arms one day.  I hope that is very soon. 

    Amy
    Proud Mommy to Ben
    You didn't grow in my tummy, but in my heart!!

    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/zirrz6.jpg[/IMG]
  • Can we be that big neon sign? Does the internet count as the sky? Because I'm pretty positive YOU WILL BE A MOM!

    And I'm sure, when you look back, you'll be grateful you had to wait for the precious child you're intended to raise. It's gonna happen. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
    Application approved Dec '11
    Mar '12: Homestudy interrupted by change in Uganda requirements - where do we go from here?
    After searching and searching, back with Uganda but with our homestudy agency's program.
    Homestudy complete July 19
    USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
    Come home, baby A!
  • God knows I wished for that neon sign too! We had a few false starts that we backed out of for various reasons and each one was such an emotional experience if those happened at the same time as a baby explosion I would have had a good cry too! Sending you big hugs and sending out vibes for a 10lb. baby and 40 hour labor to the lady being insensitive ;)
    June 2010-Lap
    b2b Injectable IUI #1 7/25/10 & 7/26/10 = BFP beta 14dpIUI = 133 MC 9/14 at 9 weeks
    b2b Injectable IUI #2 12/5/10 & 12/6/10 = BFN
    IVF #1 ER 3/28/11 ET 3 embryos 3/31/11= BFN
    b2b Injectable IUI#3 6/28/11 & 6/29/11 = BFN
    PAIF/SAIF Welcome :)

    Submitted Adoption Application on 6/1/2011
    Homestudy 7/19/2011
    IVF#2 CX due to Adoption Match
    We were blessed with our daughter through the gift of adoption
    IVF #2.1 ET 2 embryos 2/14/13 7 frostiesLilypie First Birthday tickers

  • Thank you ladies!  You are incredibly kind :)     
    [IMG]http://i34.tinypic.com/idb22r.jpg[/IMG]
    TTC since December '08
    Dx PCOS and Endo
    lap to remove cysts turned into full laparotomy Nov. '09
    4 cycles of clomid=BFN
    1 clomid iui = BFN
    new doctor and a new plan
    august '10 - began 6 months of lupron depot
    IVF our only option for biological baby
    May '11 Decided we are moving on to adoption!
  • Huge hugs, hon. I would have been far less gracious than you've Ben and I still would have had enough left to have a few big cries. You're in a tough spot , no doubt about it. BUT, there's also no doubt that you will be a mom!!  Hang on, you LO is getting here as fast as he/she can! :) 
    [IMG]http://i41.tinypic.com/i1hfmo_th.jpg[/IMG]



    [IMG]http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/227541_10150230171802990_648797989_8685008_1127394_s.jpg[/IMG]

    Adoption Application submitted 12/11/11

    Officially Waiting 2/16/12

    MATCHED!! :) 2/20/12






    ~P/SAIFW * Pg/PALW~
  • I'm so sorry, sweetie.  It's coming for you, I know it is.  I also know that's little comfort right now, but it's the truth.

    Hang in there, and don't feel bad if you need to isolate yourself from your friends and their babies for a little while.  Take care of you.  I'm sure they have lots of friends and family celebrating with them now.  When things have normalized, they're excitement will be more contained, and you'll be in a better place to spend time with them.

    Again, you will be a mom.  Thoughts and good vibes and prayers coming your way!


  • I'm SO sorry.  We've all been there, but that doesn't make it any easier.  Some friends are ok when they're pregnant, because they're sensitive to your feelings, but other women are just clueless about how painful the struggle is.  Maybe you can just avoid talking to her for a little while.  It sounds like you could use a break from her callousness. 
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.

  • I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I have a few friends that I have had to distance myself from because they can be really insensitive. Hang in there. You WILL be a mom, your baby just hasn't found you yet. ::hugs::
  • image srmmm09:

    Can we be that big neon sign? Does the internet count as the sky? Because I'm pretty positive YOU WILL BE A MOM!

    And I'm sure, when you look back, you'll be grateful you had to wait for the precious child you're intended to raise. It's gonna happen. 

    This.  Believe me, no one had more doubts about all of this craziness than me- the entire way through, up until I was saying hello to our birthmom.  If it can happen for me, it WILL happen for you : )  Big hugs.  I'm sory you are having a tough day.  We've all been there...

    Look for me on Facebook! (reply and I'll tell you who to look for!) image image Began meds 9/6/07. Donor ER date 10/2/07. ET date 10/8/07!!! Beta 10/19=BFN Began meds for FET 11/21 FET 12/21! Beta 1/2/08- BFN It took exactly two years of adoption waiting, after two years of IF struggles. Our baby is here! image Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Second Birthday tickers http://myifertilityblog.blogspot.com - new post! image
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