What would your expectation be for this? re: behavior in kindergarten

summerbrideDC

I got an email from the head of DS's kindergarten yesterday that he and 3 other boys were sent to her office for goofing off in the boys room. Nothing serious, but apparently, its not the first time these boys (DS included) have been disruptive in the bathroom, so the teacher sent them to the office.  

DH and I talked to DS about making better choices and doing what he knows is right, even if other kids are horsing around, etc.  DS is so motivated by making others laugh right now that he really struggles to reign it in and behave if he's got an audience.  But I know he's also not the "ring leader" of this particular group of silly boys. Nothing they were doing was malicious or dangerous or mean---just wasting time and being silly. 

My concern is that I have not heard a word about this from the teacher.  DS himself told me (yesterday) that a couple days ago he wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom with any other kids because he'd been singing loudly in the bathroom and making others laugh during a bathroom break.  He then told me that he has also been sent to use the bathroom in the office instead of the regular kid's bathroom because of goofing off before. 

Okay, so if this is a long-term issue and getting him all sorts of consequences, how is it that I've never heard about it before? And never from his class room teacher?

I'm hesitant to be too concerned about it bc its not as though he's doing anything horribly wrong--no one is getting hurt and no one is being malicious.  And it appears that they are dealing with it on a case by case basis, and I realize a teacher can't call home or chat after school every time a kindergartener isn't behaving perfectly.  But its clearly a pattern of inappropriate behavior and I'm a little upset that I didn't hear anything about it until my kid ended up in the dean's office.

I've got the "discipline" element of it under control, but what would your feelings be regarding the communications (or lack thereof) from the school? 

eshaffer

Yeah, I'd be a little ticked off that no one said anything until then, but he's probably a really good kid otherwise and thought it would stop.

For what it's worth, my parents got a call from the principal of my school when I was kindergarten for swinging on the bathroom stall doors, lol. I very clearly remember climbing up on the toilet seat in my pretty dress and ribbons in my hair, and leaping onto the door as it swung out.  Apparently it was frowned upon.  I turned out just fine. 

ThreeGirls726

eshaffer:

Yeah, I'd be a little ticked off that no one said anything until then, but he's probably a really good kid otherwise and thought it would stop.

For what it's worth, my parents got a call from the principal of my school when I was kindergarten for swinging on the bathroom stall doors, lol. I very clearly remember climbing up on the toilet seat in my pretty dress and ribbons in my hair, and leaping onto the door as it swung out.  Apparently it was frowned upon.  I turned out just fine. 

This is going to be something my oldest DD does, I just know it.

 

I agree though, he is probably a good kid otherwise so didn't mention it. However since it has happened several times I would be a little annoyed at the lack of communication about it.

penguingrrl

I'm torn. My first thought was that of course I would want to know if my child was acting up that badly. But then I think about the best way to avoid the helicopter mom syndrome. A child needs to learn to behave well for reasons other than their parents will hear about it and they'll get in trouble at home, so I feel like a discipline issue staying at school until it's serious enough to involve the principal is actually a great start for that. We're constantly decrying parents who are so involved that they send out resumes for college graduates and schedule interviews and remain involved long after they need to. I feel like the school is proactively working against that mindset in a good way. Short of a visit to the principals office, I think parents don't need to know about discipline issues.

Glendi428

Honestly? I think the rules surrounding discipline and communication change BIG TIME in Kindergarten (and beyond), and it can take a bit of getting used to. No, I would not expect communication regarding this issue, until it escalated (which sounds like exactly what happened in your case.)  I've volunteered in A's classroom a ton this year, so I've seen the range of disciplinary issues that arise in the course of a typical school day. If her teacher was to communicate every single issue to every single parent, she'd be on the phone/email 24/7! If it's a serious infraction that threatens the safety/well being of the classroom, another student or my child, then hell yes, I want to know. Otherwise, I have to trust that the teacher is in control of the situation and will bring me into the conversation when she feels it necessary. (I should add, between knowing a bunch of the moms in the class, volunteering, and having a pretty forthcoming kindergartener,  I'm pretty aware of what's going on in the class, so I don't feel like I need to rely on the teacher so heavily.)

A-baybride

How does the teacher normally communicate with you? Keep in mind I don't have kids in school yet, but my expectation is that the teachers will handle minor things and I don't need to be told about these - only if it's a major infraction or if something minor has become repetitive. But yeah, if it's recurring behavior, I'd hope the teacher would say something to me (at pickup or an email or whatever is normal) before I heard about it from the dean!

docmay25

I would not be concerned or think anything of the teacher not telling you.  She probably does not think it is a major issue.  If it was a concern, I am sure you would hear from the teacher about it.  My ds is on first grade and we just had his teacher conference.  She said he has been silly lately with his friends and has needed reminders.  She said she was surprised because this is not like him but for us not to worry because it is common behavior at this age.  She said it is hard for them to not be influenced by friends.  She also said that in the end she knows they are just kids and she doesn't expect them to be perfect all day.  

I think it is good that your ds told you.  My ds does this too because he always feels guilty.  You could always write a note or e-mail asking the teacher about it, but I think if the teacher thought it was an issue you would hear from her. 

gracendantho26

I would not be concerned. I honestly would think DS is a saint in class if I did not work in it regularly. He gets good marks for conduct etc. But last time I worked in his classroom he and another boy were talked to, in front of the whole class, about their bad behavior during mass (they go to a Catholic School). I honestly never would have known about it if I was not there. The teacher dealt with it, made examples of them, then moved on. The kids seem to go through phases and when little cliques form the teachers seem to find a way to deal with them. DD was totally sat apart from her friends because she is chatty..she spent a week next to the teachers assistant at a desk alone. I would not have known of I didn't need to go into her classroom a few weeks ago for something.

Man my kids are little trouble makers! LOL

Anyway, my point is that it's been my experience that the teacher will let you know if it's gone too far. I think they are just really use to dealing with this stuff and have their way of correcting the behavior..maybe if that doesn't work is when the parent gets notified??

ETA For some reason I spaced out that you did receive an email from the teacher. I think that's good and now you know and have addressed it with your DS. Sounds like your DS is really comfortable at his school which is nice. :oP

shouldbworkin

I think it's pretty age appropriate, so maybe the teacher does too?  Yesterday could have just been a bad day for her and she needed to make a point?  I would just email her and tell her you've heard a bit about it and see if there's something else she needs you to do about it at home or if you both think there's something she should do about it in class (e.g. positive reward chart for good bathroom behavior).  I think she'd appreciate knowing that you care enough to circle back with her and get on the same page, whether she thinks something more should be done about it or not. 

FWIW, kids in DS's school are not allowed to go to the bathroom together (and they have to sign in/out) for this reason and others.  But, they have bathrooms in the classroom, which it sounds like might not be the case in your DS's school. 

summerbrideDC

Thanks; the responses are pretty much what I've been feeling, but wasn't sure if that made me "too laid back" and maybe I should be trying to get the teacher to talk to me more about DS's behavior.  I definitely agree that I don't need to hear about and/or deal with every little thing that happens in school--DS needs to learn how to modify his own behavior based on feedback from others, not just DH and me. And he really is a great kid--he is just so motivated by making others laugh that it seems to be getting in his way a bit in terms of behavior.  

Thanks for the input; putting the whole thing in the rearview and moving on.  :-)