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Preemies
Just kind of thinking about things...
How old was your preemie, actual age, when you started to TTC again?
I know we have a long road ahead of us, but just have some things swirling in my head.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just kind of thinking about things...
BPF May 12, 2013 :: EDD Janaury 22, 2013 :: MC Began On July 14, 2013 at 12W4D
Born at 34w2d:
I'm trying to get in the mind frame that Walker is just like any other child, just came a little early.
I had a vaginal delivery which was caused by an infection of some kind. I'm one of those rare ones where there is no reason why or where the infection came from.
In the beginning we wanted to have our kids pretty close together. I want to enjoy and get our time with Walker at home, but I also don't want the "fear" of having another blindside us from trying again. Which, we're both on board but I have all these things running through my head. We had originally thought that we would try when he was 6 months. I'm not really going to go by his "adjusted or corrected" age. He's 3 months now, so he's 3 months in my mind.
hmm. He was 1 yr + 8 months actual, 1 yr + 5 months adjusted. He was 2 years and 5 months actual when Elliott was born, but developmentally closer to 2 years old or less.
I wouldn't have done it any sooner...it's been pretty tough....
Andrew really didn't have any issues or therapy when we TTC, and then all of a sudden everything (and I mean EVERYthing) popped up around age 2 after I was pregnant. I wouldn't take it back, but it's been a lot to handle.
I realize I'm in no position to say this, and everyone is different, but I really feel if you have a former preemie at home, and esp if you had a preemie with a difficult medical course, it would be very very very hard to have another less than 2 years age difference.
Also consider your risk for having another preemie may or may not be greater (it was in my case) and may involve bed rest (check), surgery (check), triage stays (check), or heaven forbid a NICU stay (no check!!!) and logstically it is also hard.
Logistics aside make sure you and your marriage are in a strong, healthy place to try again!
No, not crazy, I felt the same way.
Your LO is still in the NICU, no? The NICU was way stressful for us, and don't hate me for saying this, but it was harder for us when Andrew came home. We become his providers and it was tough, because he had a lot of issues and still does. It was hard in a different way, but it definitely stressed our marriage more than the NICU did.
Def this. Having our daughter home was amazing of course but such a different world from the NICU. C had severe reflux and eating issues when she came home. I was stressed out of my mind constantly and sadly I probably took it out on my husband a lot.
I understand the 'thinking out loud" thing but I'd at least give it a couple months at home before you really consider it.
What's so hard is that I didn't realize leaving the NICu how hard it would be.
Since leaving he's had about 10 specialists. We've had sensory disorders (oral, tactile, noises), severe reflux, delayed gastric emptying, a swallowing disorder, lockdown for germs, oral motor breakdown and chewing/eating issues, OT for the first year, OT his 3rd year for fine motor + eating issues + sensory disorders, PT, ST, autism diagnosis, apraxia, and orthotics. Oh, and ENT surgery for tubes, adenoidectomy + 2 endoscopies. and his immune system is below normal (should be caught up). Oh and nelcocalcinosis (ie: kidney stone issue).
I'm not saying this to scare you, or to make this a contest, but I just really want to make sure you give this a lot of thought.
Post-NICU is harder than I ever imagined, and Andrew has done amazingly well for a 26-weeker.
I have this thought on a weekly basis. DH and I have talked about it. He has no issues with timing. He thinks we could be better financially and he would prefer that he had a better job so I could be a SAHM. He is a SAHD during the day, and works 2nd shift.
We know our family is not complete but I feel guilty everytime I think about it. Ella had such a rough go, and we still have no idea the extent of her delays so I feel so guilty if I brought another baby into the mix and I couldnt devote all of myself to helping her get her where she needs to be.
I am determined the prove to everyone that my body really can carry a baby to term and that I can successfully BF (Im pretty sure no one else cares, but it is an obssessive thought I have). But I have to get to a place where I am at peace with Ella's care and I am not there. I really would like to be there around the time the girls turn 2. My OB gave me the go ahead last week so we will see what happens.
Just some thoughts - I had some major baby fever feelings a few weeks ago, like I thought maybe a third would be nice someday. Then I really started thinking about it - I don't want another baby anytime soon. I want MY baby at home with me.
Parenting in the NICU is so, so different than parenting an at-home baby. You don't have near the time with or control over your children when they're in the NICU. I can't just pick her up any time I want. I can't just roll over and feed her in the middle of the night. I can't soothe her if she's awake and fussy unless I just happen to be at the hospital.
I would not consider TTC with a baby in the NICU. I understand wanting kids close in age, but realistically W is going to need a lot of attention and care from you guys when he comes home. I'd wait.
Peanut Butter and Jelly!
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Oh, no! I'm not doing any sort of BD in the near future!
I just feel like I have this impending default on my back because I had a preemie the first time around. I do want my children close in age but we do want Walker home for a good 6 months with just US, before we start trying anything.
It's not that I want to experience a "normal", full term pregnancy.
Again, I was thinking out loud!
My drs advised us against having any more children. They said IF we decided to, wait a few years btwn pregnancies and that they would do a cerclage and start bedrest at 12 weeks + the makena (sp?) shots. And they still thought I'd deliver before 30 weeks.
Those are not good odds. I feel satisfied with one though so that's all fine with me. But when we talked about the thought of another one, I just don't know how we'd manage bedrest + a possible NICU stay w/a little one at home. Mostly 6 months of bedrest. We'd have to hire someone full time to help me or something.
Anyhow, my doctors couldn't find a reason that I delivered so early. They think it was IC but couldn't say for sure. It's so interesting to me that so many other people here have the okay from their drs. to TTC since my whole team is like "NO"
I just had my yearly today and my dr. was like "so you're still NOT going to get pregnant, right?" and I was all "refill my birth control woman!"
We are just starting to think about it. What no one tells you while you are in the NICU is that your preemie won't sleep through the night for many many many months. Also there are a ton of issues that come with being premature. Hopefully you dodged the bullet but we had issues with eating solids, sleeping through the night, physical and speech development and I ould go on. It's a lot to take on and I have wanted to give our son all my focus to get him up to speed.
I was not ready until recently and I could still wait a little longer.
Not crazy at all! MH and I are completely different now than we were this time last year. We've learned a lot about each other and have had to lean on one another more than any other time in our relationship.
No advice on TTC again. We're done and knew we were done before the boys came early.
She will be 2 in March and I am 20 weeks pregnant...
I had an easy preemie experience since my LO was late term but we're planning to TTC when she is maybe 16-18 months old
The first 6 months or so were HARD. Around her due date she woke up and screamed for what seemed like months and months. She was a crappy sleeper and a fussy child so the thought of having another was NOT appealing.
Now she's almost 14 months and AWESOME! The thought of having another one is starting to sound like fun! :-P
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DD was 14 months actual, 11 months adjusted when I met with my Dr. about the risks involved and 17 months (14 adjusted) when we actually started trying. I origaionally wanted to have my kids close together, but with the way things turned out it took me a year to get on top of my fear about it all.
I'm going to be high risk from day one this time, have to have a c-section and face a possible hospital stay but I'm as ok with it now as I think I can be. I just got to a point where I decided I wasn't going to let my fear of a repeat experience keep me from having a second child.
I'm also pretty optimistic things are going to be different this time.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have