S/O from yesterday: Will you let your children drink alcohol?

S-Tuna

Will you let your children have an alcoholic beverage in your home before they turn 21? Why or why not?

 I think we will probably allow our children to have a drink in our home once they are 18. In my opinion if you are old enough to vote and fight in a war, then you are old enough to drink responsibly. I'm not sure how we will handle drinking before then.

laina2012

I will probably let my kids drink in my home with me after highschool.  I grew up in Europe where the drinking age is 16 and there are so fewer alcohol related issues because kids learn to be responsible early and it isn't a forbidden thing.  I think a lot of the thrill of underage drinking is that you have to do it "secretly" if you take the thrill away, it becomes less "cool."

chillyupnorth

I would let them have a drink in our home when they are out of high school. That being said, I won't let them drink around my mother until they're 21 - I think that's in everyone's best interest!

Matt Dvorak

I think I agree with you on the 18 thing - definitely not if he had friends in the house before 21, or if he planned to leave the house that night. This is what I did with my little brothers, actually :-) I never bought them alcohol while they were underaged so that they could take it elsewhere - but if I was going to be hanging out all night with them so could make sure they weren't driving (or make sure I wasn't supplying someone else underage with alcohol), I would let them drink. 

BnchaNums

Yes.  I want them to not see alcohol  as something that they need to rebel to have.  I'll let them have a glass of wine with dinner if we're having it, probably starting in high school.  My extended family has always been like this and it's served the kids well.

S-Tuna

MrsSkull1107:

After she is 18, she can have a drink with us. The legal drinking age in the province I'm from in Canada is 18 so it's only fair. I think we'll probably take a trip up there for her 18th birthday so that we can all go to a bar together. I think that would be fun! Although, she'll probably think it's lame going out with her folks to a bar but whatever!

My bachelorette party was in Canada so that my 19 year old cousin could come drinking with us, lol. 

snoopy3319

I'd say yes for now, but we'll see what kind of person he is then. I wouldn't supply it to any of his friends or when he'd be leaving the house later. I've heard horror stories, and that's just not okay.

lob

Yes.  DH and I both think we should introduce alcohol early since beer and wine drinking are a weekly occurrence in our house.  We're thinking about introductory sips around 12 or 13 and then glasses with meals around 16. 

Matt Dvorak

snoopy3319:

I'd say yes for now, but we'll see what kind of person he is then. I wouldn't supply it to any of his friends or when he'd be leaving the house later. I've heard horror stories, and that's just not okay.

This is why I responded like I did - every now and then there is a news story about some parents trying to be cool by providing alcohol to their teens and their friends, and someone ending up dead. I was smart enough in my early 20's not to let my brothers leave my sight for the night if I let them drink and I never would provide to their friends. I would do something similar if I were to let my son drink before 21 (and obviously if he was 21 I wouldn't be letting him drive either!!).

Cobra11

I have no idea. Here it is legal for the parent to give a child alcohol so it's not like we're condoning illegal activity. That being said, it will depend on Jason. I don't want to make it seem like the forbidden fruit but I also hope that he won't see alcohol as the only way he can have fun.

hlsgarcia

I have to agree with PP's and the whole at 18 yo thing. My parents let my sister and I drink at 18 and even took us wine tasting in Napa. My mom and aunt would get the glass of wine and then discretely share with me, who was standing behind them. For our LO's, I think we'll play it by ear but I'm thinking letting them have a drink or two at home when they are 18 isn't a big deal. And I totally agree with the PP who basically said that the fact the alcohol is off limits until 21 and having to "sneak" it is what makes it so enticing.

ambicklion

lob:

Yes.  DH and I both think we should introduce alcohol early since beer and wine drinking are a weekly occurrence in our house.  We're thinking about introductory sips around 12 or 13 and then glasses with meals around 16. 

Agree.  

StefandTodd

I thought I'd be fine and pretty liberal about it, but then I heard a statistic that drinking before 18 makes a person 4 times more likely to become an alcoholic. I have a sad, rampant, devastating bunch of addiction in my family, and I feel like it's my job to protect him from a huge additional risk factor like that.  So I think I'll actually be very opposed to it until he's 18.  But from 18-21, I won't have a problem with a glass of wine or a beer with dinner.

meganjane86

My h and I have very different views on this. For me it's a respect thing- I won't give my kids alcohol before they're 21 because that's the law and I'm their mom. Honestly, all the kids I knew in high school whose parents had the "at least it's under my roof" mentality we're way bigger drinkers than the "my mom will kick the ever loving shiit out of me if I come home drunk" bunch. Plus, we have a lot of addiction problems in my family. I was raised aware of these issues and I remember my grandmother sitting me down and explaining that some of my friends might be able to experiment with drugs and alcohol, but that I never could because it's in my blood. I plan on doing the same thing. 

Then I turned 21 and drank like a (responsible) fish. Like you should.

H wants to give the kid a beer while they're working on man stuff together. :eye roll: 

EmSue412

It seems as though I am in the minority here, but I do not believe that DH and I will allow our daughter to drink alcohol before 21.  That being said, never say never, so we will have to see what kind of person she is later on in life, and what kinds of situations we're in, etc.  

DH and I were raised very differently in terms of what we were allowed to do as children and teenagers.  My parents were more strict, and his were extremely lenient.  They allowed he and his brothers to pretty much do anything and everything they wanted in the house, including drugs and alcohol.  It led to them having problems in many areas of their lives.  I do not want that kind of upbringing for our children whatsoever.  I'm not saying that alcohol was the "culprit," but allowing them to indulge in it at very young ages did contribute to those problems.  Also, please understand I am not saying that this will happen to all people who start drinking young, but for me, that situation is enough to make me not want to let my children drink underage.

Adding on to that, I have to say that even though my parents did not allow me to drink underage, it didn't make me rebel or want it even more.  There wasn't really ever any alcohol or beer in the house, and it's not something that was a part of my life... until I was 21.  Sorry this got so long-winded!

itsmevkb

I would let my children have some wine with their dinners if we too were having it but that doesn't happen all that often so in reality it would probably just be on holidays.  Not sure at what age we would start that but perhaps once they are in middle school.  I would never allow them to get drunk in our home.  Our allowing them to have tastes would be showing them when drinking is appropriate and that drinking should always be in moderation, not used as a vehicle for getting drunk.  That seemed to work for me.  Well, that and my dad telling us the stories of when he would get drunk in college and do really stupid stuff.  I never wanted to be that out of control so I never drank to get drunk.

Matt Dvorak

EmSue412:

It seems as though I am in the minority here, but I do not believe that DH and I will allow our daughter to drink alcohol before 21.  That being said, never say never, so we will have to see what kind of person she is later on in life, and what kinds of situations we're in, etc.  

DH and I were raised very differently in terms of what we were allowed to do as children and teenagers.  My parents were more strict, and his were extremely lenient.  They allowed he and his brothers to pretty much do anything and everything they wanted in the house, including drugs and alcohol.  It led to them having problems in many areas of their lives.  I do not want that kind of upbringing for our children whatsoever.  I'm not saying that alcohol was the "culprit," but allowing them to indulge in it at very young ages did contribute to those problems.  Also, please understand I am not saying that this will happen to all people who start drinking young, but for me, that situation is enough to make me not want to let my children drink underage.

Adding on to that, I have to say that even though my parents did not allow me to drink underage, it didn't make me rebel or want it even more.  There wasn't really ever any alcohol or beer in the house, and it's not something that was a part of my life... until I was 21.  Sorry this got so long-winded!

I understand this mentality. I first drank when I was 19 - my parents never had alcohol in the house and I would have been in BIG trouble if I had drank in high school.

DH first got drunk at about 14. His dad is a regular beer with dinner type of guy so he saw his parents drink in moderation all of the time and he wasn't given as big of consequences as I was if he were to drink. Also, my parents eased up with my brothers compared to how my sisters and I were raised - my sisters an I all waited until college to drink, my brothers started earlier in their teens. So yeah - I don't necessarily think that being strict will cause people to try to sneak alcohol. Although, I do wonder if there is a gender difference going on here more so than parenting styles. Who knows! 

tandb2010

I have been drinking at home since I was 15. A glass of wine with dinner type thing. Once I was 16-17 if we were having a party and I wanted a beer/cooler I could have one. I have never lived in Quebec so I had to wait till I was 19 to hit the bars but it was never a big thing. That and I had my 19th birthday on a beach in Denmark. As for the question if my kids want to try at 15-16 years old sure.

Phil413

DH and I actually talked about this before we were married. I felt him out on a lot of parenting stuff just to see where he stood, if we were compatible... He actually surprised me and said that the law is the law, and we need to teach our children that. So, he's very firm that he does not want to allow alcohol before age 21. I personally agree with the 18 year old thing, that if they can vote, sign a mortgage, and fight/die for our country then they can certainly have a glass of wine with dinner.

whitney1170

Our situtation is different, it's a NO. DH is a police officer, so if (by a very slim chance) we got caught, we would lose everything if he lost his job. I'm talking, 18 yr old having a party at our house with underaged drinkers while we're home, allowing it.

Now, if she wants a small glass of wine at a dinner or something, maybe. Parties w/teenagers and a family dinner are different.

LadyLissame

S-Tuna:

Will you let your children have an alcoholic beverage in your home before they turn 21? Why or why not?

 I think we will probably allow our children to have a drink in our home once they are 18. In my opinion if you are old enough to vote and fight in a war, then you are old enough to drink responsibly. I'm not sure how we will handle drinking before then.

This.

Duffgurl

I would rather my children drink at home than on the street. We have rules and guidelines but I don't see the harm. I can recall having drinks at home when I was a teen and honestly I was a good kid.

megsta1

He has to be out of high school.  No friends over. Just 1 at dinner until he is 21.  We too have a lot of addiction in the family.  This is what I say now, but we will see how he is when he is older.