DH going on possible TDY... WWYD? — The Bump
Military Families

DH going on possible TDY... WWYD?

Hello ladies. I rarely post here, but I have a question and was just wondering what you all would do. DH has an opportunity to go TDY about 1 month after our first baby is born. This is voluntary, so my initial reaction was no. I don't like being separated from him for even a short amount of time and feel like we've done this enough since being married. That being said, it should only be for 1wk and hubby feels it is a good chance to make a little extra money. I don't know where he's going yet, but we'll talk about it later when he gets off work. My question is, would you guys "let" your husbands go so soon after having a baby if you had a choice? Would you want them to go on the TDY for the extra money? I know it's not the end of the world if he goes, but I just love having him around and I'm not sure how I'll feel 1 month postpartum. Any insight would be appreciated. Thanks!
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Re: DH going on possible TDY... WWYD?

  • Since it's only a week I say let him go not only for the extra money but it will look good on evals that he volunteered to go.
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  • I would let him go. a week isnt long. Plus it'll give you and the baby quality time. IMO.
    If you knew better, you'd do better.
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  • My H would be going if he wanted to. 
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  • A 1 week TDY isn't bad, and any extra money is always nice, especially with a new baby!

    Maybe the week he's gone would be a good time for a relative to come and stay to visit/help with the baby?

     

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  • Seriously?  It is only a week.
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  • I get the feelings.  But (and I am not trying to be snarky or a martyr) when you marry someone in the military, these are the things that will ALWAYS come up.

    Sure, it seems to be a choice, but the reality is, every TDY and volunteer activity is one more plus in your career jacket.  Sure a week's worth of extra pay seems to be a drop in the bucket, but added up over a career (and I am not talking a lifer career), it is a good amount of money.

    Sure having that extra help around the house is wonderful, but it is also not necessary. 

    Don't "let him go", "SEND HIM OFF" and see just how resourceful and easy it is going to be.

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  • image Ilumine:

    I get the feelings.  But (and I am not trying to be snarky or a martyr) when you marry someone in the military, these are the things that will ALWAYS come up.

    Sure, it seems to be a choice, but the reality is, every TDY and volunteer activity is one more plus in your career jacket.  Sure a week's worth of extra pay seems to be a drop in the bucket, but added up over a career (and I am not talking a lifer career), it is a good amount of money.

    Sure having that extra help around the house is wonderful, but it is also not necessary. 

    Don't "let him go", "SEND HIM OFF" and see just how resourceful and easy it is going to be.

    This is a much nicer way of stating what I was thinking. 

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  • Honestly, I get wanting to have your DH around, but at some point he's going to have to go TDY, or even, deploy. I think that a week long TDY, with a one month old, is a good opportunity to try your hand at going it alone. While he's gone (and most days, regardless), do your best to get out of the house every day. If you build up his traveling for work as a bad thing, it will be difficult. Take a positive, "I can do this" approach, and you'll do great!

    There might be unforeseen complications, but those won't be known until after you deliver. And by complications, I mean a c-section or postpartum depression. But, if you are young and healthy, by a month out, you will very likely be back on your feet and getting into your mommy groove.

    Personally, my DH is a professional. If work needs him to go TDY, he goes. His salary is what supports our family. Especially in this economy and downsizing of our armed forces, it is important for his boss to know that he can be counted on. If my DH won't do something that is required, or asked of him, there is a line of soldiers behind him who will. It is very important to me that my DH have the confidence in me that I can handle the home front. Take this opportunity to show your DH, and his command, that you are able to care for yourself and your infant.
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  • As PP said, I would def let him go, extra money is always nice, and its only a week which is nothing at all.
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  • image iluvmytxrgr:
    image Ilumine:

    I get the feelings.  But (and I am not trying to be snarky or a martyr) when you marry someone in the military, these are the things that will ALWAYS come up.

    Sure, it seems to be a choice, but the reality is, every TDY and volunteer activity is one more plus in your career jacket.  Sure a week's worth of extra pay seems to be a drop in the bucket, but added up over a career (and I am not talking a lifer career), it is a good amount of money.

    Sure having that extra help around the house is wonderful, but it is also not necessary. 

    Don't "let him go", "SEND HIM OFF" and see just how resourceful and easy it is going to be.

    This is a much nicer way of stating what I was thinking. 

    Ditto ;)
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  • My husband is going for 1 week, when this baby will be about 6 weeks old.  We also have an 18 month old, and I am going back to work part time right then.  Sure, I would rather have him here, but it is only a week, and really not that big of a deal.  My husband can't really do all that much for the baby anyway since I am BF'ing, and getting up with her at night. 

  • I would be ok with it if I had someone else there. When my hubby went TDY when I was 10 wks and all sickly I was miserable cause I was all alone. But a single week doesn't seem so bad as long as you have friends that can help if the need arises.
  • Yes, send him on his TDY. A week is nothing compared to most other TDYs or deployments he may go on in the future. 
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  • Nothing is "optional" in the military, if they ask him if he wants to go and he says no he will be looked down on by his supervisor.   We have been TTC for about 6 cycles and found out my DH will deploy in May if we get pg before he leaves he will ultimately miss the birth and first few months.  Nothing I can do or say about this b/c I know I married a military man.  I know I am also lucky b/c we are AF with shorter deployments and some Army deployments are over a year, that's a year of a childs life.  Put it into perspective.
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  • I know its hard to be alone, but he is not "asking" to go away for a boys weekend, or a vacation with out you. This will be work, and as the PP said, in the military is never "volunteer" its "Voluntold" If he does not go now, he get something worse later.

    My DH has had a deployment every years we have been married, and we are just finding out that his ship wants to do a mini underway for Aug and Sept. I am due Aug 9th. This means that after 5 years of trying to get pregnant, and it FINALLY happening he will miss the birth and first few weeks oh this babies life... It suck really bad, but its the way of the military life...

    I am sorry your up set by it, but sometimes you need to be strong for your man so he can do what he needs to do with out being worried about you... A distracted solider is an unprepared one....


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    Baby Dust To All!!!

  • I think that the first week is the hardest week and i am speaking from both sides. military and spouse, If you have a C-Section most hospitals wont even let you go home for 3 to 5 days after the baby, Also you will be on what the military likes to call light duty meaning not to pick up anything over 5 lbs so in your shoes i would see if there would be any one willing to help you out for the first week or so. Being a solider in the military you don't really get the choice to say NO it is do as you are told, But it also depends on his rank as well. I know when i found out about me getting pregnant my husband was happy and he went TDY with his whole unit and while he was gone i had 5 other children i was caring for plus my sick father and my neighbors husband had just deployed and i was a full time student, I had to much stress and i miscarried our child and the military would not let him come home to be with me and help take care of his family so some times you have to just suck it up and realize that you might have a husband but the military comes first always.... sorry if im a downer but it the truth.. much love from a soldier and wife ps when we got pregnant with the 2nd time he was deployed and didnt get to see his 1st child born, at least your husband can see your child born 
  • Thank you so much ladies for your insight. I wasn't upset when I found out as he has been TDY much longer than this a few times and we had to spend the first yr of our marriage separated on opposite sides of the US (due to us both being AD at the time), so I know what it's like to be away from your spouse for a long period of time. I guess after having him w/ me for a little while I am just starting to get comfortable. I appreciate the support and perspective! :)
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  • It really will be easier than you think! My DH just recently came home from deployment #4 and he left 2 weeks after our 1st son was born. I found myself so busy that I barely noticed time going by between DS, work and sending things downrange to my husband.

    As the other ladies said it is only a week and extra money is great! Plus, it does look good on his military record!

  • DH went on TDY about three weeks after ds was born for two weeks. I thought it would be awful but it wasn't that bad. I also found that I was so busy with ds that the time flew by, and the extra money didn't hurt a bit.
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