Why are people so "scared" of "it being twins?"

Areli71611

mstroud23:

This thread needs to die. Too many of the ladies on this board have their panties in a wad today. Everyone should just step away from their keyboards and/or stay away from this thread. I heard people on this board were bsc, I was wrong not to believe it.

Well, at the risk of sounding like a smartasss, if it bothers you so much, quit coming back to it. And not sure why you think this is bsc...this is just people being people, responding to a silly little rant.

kcl22

Hey, OP, how long have you been in love btw?  Oh; nevermind, I see it.

punkrockabye

CinemaGoddess:

The answer can be found "here". 

"YWIA". 

 

I don't use quotes unnecessarily. There are a lot of them because I am actually quoting words and phrases. The one time I recall not exactly quoting in this thread, I said "hoping," because hoping isn't the best word but it was the as close as I could get; I wasn't HOPING someone would have bad experiences, but I was "hoping" to hear personal stories. So, all quotes properly utilized  ?_(?)_/?

punkrockabye

kcl22:

Hey, OP, how long have you been in love btw?  Oh; nevermind, I see it.

 

So funny! 

 

But no, I do love seeing what threads dissolve into once the initial problem has been beaten to death and/or things have been apologized for. If anyone else wants to pick more things apart, I wear glasses and have brown hair. Feel free to make fun of those if you're bored.

BattieNattie

Well sh!!t I'm screwed!

punkrockabye

zeadfly:

punkrockabye:

kcl22:

Hey, OP, how long have you been in love btw?  Oh; nevermind, I see it.

 

So funny! 

 

But no, I do love seeing what threads dissolve into once the initial problem has been beaten to death and/or things have been apologized for. If anyone else wants to pick more things apart, I wear glasses and have brown hair. Feel free to make fun of those if you're bored.

Ok then.

Are you having triplets? 

Quintuplets obviously.  

holly321

3u1.5 doesn't sound fun to me? 

I think that is a good reason for not wanting twins.  

nevarloc

punkrockabye:

I don't understand this. At all. And I think it's horrible.

I've seen one woman talk about going it the ER for bleeding, while saying "guess we don't have to worry about twins either way" before she left to go to the ER, all while asking for prayers that she doesn't lose the baby. That is absolutely terrible.

Then there's the "I took Clomid and I am terrified that it's going to be twins." Um... correct me if I'm mistaken (I'm not), but isn't Clomid taken by women who are having problems conceiving likely due to an ovulation issue, so they take Clomid in order to achieve the pregnancy that they want so badly? So, if you have twins, what's the problem? A child is never a problem, especially when he or she is conceived through fertility enhancing measures because mom and/or dad were having infertility trouble. I can't comprehend this desire to not have twins. I mean, "I struggle with IF but I only want one baby at a time so make sure I only get one please" makes no sense to me.

For some reason to me it just reeks of "I straight up don't want a boy/girl and I don't know how I'll live if that's what it is." 

 

Because daycare where I live for a full-time infant is $1200 a month. Given that I have to work due to the fellowship stipulations and I don't have family health insurance, my husband has to work for insurance at least, plus he enjoys his job. I would also loose my sanity, given we don't have family here to give us even a minute of a break. 

Mrs_MBed

GhostMonkey:

You mean other than the high risk pregnancy, the massive increased costs, the fact that it is far more challenging? Why no reason at all.

I did not want twins.  I even said "Thank God its not twins" right before we discovered it was indeed twins.  I wanted a singleton - just like my two previous pregnancies. Initially I did not know about all the risks.  Once I learned about them - especially those unique to mono/di (identical) twins - I was even more terrified of having a multiples pregnancy.

I have been terrified before every ultrasound (I get one every 2 weeks) that they are going to say I've lost one or they've developed TTTS (which can be fatal). 

I have been on modified bed rest since about 12 wks, which is not easy when DH was OOT and I have two girls to take care of.  

I just spent this past week in the hospital for PTL and could have spent the next 7 weeks there.  But am gratefully at home on strict bed rest.

I am terrified to have to take care of TWO newborns at the same time -  especially since DD1 was incredibly fussy and DD2 was a preemie with a NICU stay - AND handle the girls as well. 

Considering everything I've been through with this pg - numerous doctors appts, fears of losing one or both,  weekly shots, etc. etc. - I have accepted that this is what we were blessed with, but that doesn't mean I'd choose to do this.  No way.  And I love my twins dearly.  

 

Your post didn't read as though you were seeking an answer, rather as an attack other women for their preference of not wanting twins.  To me that is just a waste of energy.   

pinkpepsi

Camskate:

Uh...because I have already had one colicky newborn and could not imagine having two...

I hate to use that line "Wait until you have a baby, and you'll see" but it just seems so appropriate here!

Ditto!

CinemaGoddess

punkrockabye:

CinemaGoddess:

The answer can be found "here". 

"YWIA". 

 

I don't use quotes unnecessarily. There are a lot of them because I am actually quoting words and phrases. The one time I recall not exactly quoting in this thread, I said "hoping," because hoping isn't the best word but it was the as close as I could get; I wasn't HOPING someone would have bad experiences, but I was "hoping" to hear personal stories. So, all quotes properly utilized  ?_(?)_/?

You use them excessively.  You question could've been said without quotes and been much less pretentious.

But then people would've read your post and still thought you were being self-righteous.

Oh.  And another risk of being a twin mom:  You lose the ability to tolerate idiots. 

hunt2005

GhostMonkey:

You mean other than the high risk pregnancy, the massive increased costs, the fact that it is far more challenging? Why no reason at all.

And eff you for acting like you have any clue about fertility treatments. The goal is ONE healthy baby.

 

THANK YOU. 

Any doc worth his degree will have the goal of any fertility treatments, whether it's Clomid, IUI, IVF, or surrogacy, be ONE baby. One healthy baby, healthy mama. I wouldn't trade my triplets for anything in the world, but the stress of the pregnancy, the bed rest, the hospitalization for 4 weeks, the 4 weeks of NICU time, and the $20+ PER DAY I spend on formula is definitely nothing to scoff at. And we're not even paying for preschool, daycare, or anything else yet. And we had it EASY in the NICU/pregnancy. There are much much less successful stories than mine.

hunt2005

Any doc worth his degree will have the goal of any fertility treatments, whether it's Clomid, IUI, IVF, or surrogacy, be ONE baby. One healthy baby, healthy mama. I wouldn't trade my triplets for anything in the world, but the stress of the pregnancy, the bed rest, the hospitalization for 4 weeks, the 4 weeks of NICU time, and the $20+ PER DAY I spend on formula is definitely nothing to scoff at. And we're not even paying for preschool, daycare, or anything else yet. And we had it EASY in the NICU/pregnancy. There are much much less successful stories than mine.

MrsFord1215

Because having two babies at the same time can be tough. It's double everything, including cost and it's a risky pregnancy.

AmbeSheree

Because it is SCARY!!  I can't even begin to tell you the things I worry about now that I'm expecting twins!

klr210

punkrockabye:

I don't understand this. At all. And I think it's horrible.

I've seen one woman talk about going it the ER for bleeding, while saying "guess we don't have to worry about twins either way" before she left to go to the ER, all while asking for prayers that she doesn't lose the baby. That is absolutely terrible. 

Yeah..uh, that is troublesome.  

Then there's the "I took Clomid and I am terrified that it's going to be twins." Um... correct me if I'm mistaken (I'm not), but isn't Clomid taken by women who are having problems conceiving likely due to an ovulation issue, so they take Clomid in order to achieve the pregnancy that they want so badly? So, if you have twins, what's the problem? A child is never a problem, especially when he or she is conceived through fertility enhancing measures because mom and/or dad were having infertility trouble. I can't comprehend this desire to not have twins. I mean, "I struggle with IF but I only want one baby at a time so make sure I only get one please" makes no sense to me.

A child is not the problem. Like the pp have said, it's the risk. And the implications. And the fear, and did I mention risk? And at what point is a journey to have a child a journey to not have twins? I don't know who you know, but I would imagine those who struggle with IF are some of the most educated ladies in the world on the increased chances and risks associated with twins/multiples. So to say they go forward with this knowledge and then don't "want" more than one baby is just so cold. I knowingly got pregnant -- mine was a planned pregnancy -- and surprise twins. I was going for one more baby, I was blessed with two. Why is fertility even the issue here? It's not. Women trying to conceive (by whatever means) by and large are not trying to have multiples, they're trying to be mothers. 

For some reason to me it just reeks of "I straight up don't want a boy/girl and I don't know how I'll live if that's what it is." 

where does preference for either sex even fit in to this whole line of thought?  

 

I've read/skimmed through most of the responses and if you take away anything it should be -- you will be called out for being insensitive with your generalizations, twins are not just a cute photo op and women can be thankful for their children (born or in utero) and simultaneously not wish the risk on themselves or others. 

Mrs. Alice

JosiePosy:

I know right? I mean it wasn't like it was a big deal to have all those appointments with specialists for possible TTTS at 18-19 weeks. Those billion and one ultrasounds were tons of fun. Then yay bedrest at 26 weeks! HELLP Syndrome at 29 weeks so I didn't have to stay pregnant very long. The emergency c/s was no biggie because my babies only weighed 2 and 3 lbs, and those 6 weeks in the NICU just flew by! And hey who needs sleep when you have hungry babies every 2 hours? Ooh and now I get to chase around two mobile babies all day long which is just awesomesauce!

 

Yeah, I can't imagine why people are so afraid of multiples either. 

Check out my siggy and you'll see just another reason why so many women are scared of twins.  What you don't see is the extra marital stress, financial stress, oh and the awesomeness of the nearly $1.4 mill in insurance claims for my pregnancy and children last year!  I love my twins but I sure as heck wouldn't have wished for this.  Also, I did not endure IF but who is the OP to judge if she has never been in that position.

In response to the number of teats theory, I EBF 2 babies just fine thank you.

doodlescaboodles

Wow this is a hot topic! I have the prespective from someone who "got pregnant with twins (despite not taking infertility treatments and theyd ont run in our families)".

When the ultrasound tech told me, "Guess what, it's TWINS" I cannot tell you how many emotions ran through me (both good and bad). I never thought in a million years I'd be pregnant with twins. You worry about money, their health both inside and outdide the womb, finding the time to care for 2 dependent beings (well make that three with the hubby...hehe). But with time (took me about a week) I became more confident and realized that this was meant to be. You are never given what can't handle.

Yes, twins is not in the "plan" for most families...but you make it work. Now in 7 months come back to me and ask now my sanity is. I might tell you I'm going a little crazy....but I'll also prob say, Im loving every minute of it!

LWilson82

I don't think anyone is horrible for not wanting twins and I also think it's extremely unfair to judge those who are happy with just having one. Pregnancy is a scary yet joyous time. Twins just bring a lot of increased anxiety. As everyone else has mentioned the main one being the high risk nature of the pregnancy as well as the overwhelming cost of raising twins. If you are wealthy then sure it would be no problem money wise, but since most people aren't - I think it's totally natural to have a freak out moment over the cost of raising one kid let alone two no matter how wanted the child is.

I personally was majorly relieved (especially since my husband is an intentical twin) to see only 1 healthy heartbeat. That doesn't make me a horrible person or anyone else.

LisaLPF

Really?  The goal is to have ONE baby with Fertility issues?  Funny but I actually wanted all three eggs they put back to implant.  Luckily I got two.  Eff you for thinking you know what everyone else wants.  

LisaLPF

The overall goal of fertility treatments is to help people to conceive a baby.  The number conceived is out of EVERYONE'S control.  You put back a reasonable number of fertilized eggs and hope that you at least get one out of the deal.  What everyone should realize and understand that due to the method you have an increased risk of having multiples.  I think most people who do fertility treatments get this.  I guess I am speaking more towards IVF but it applies across the board. 

The desire to have only one baby at a time is personal .  That is the norm and the way our bodies are meant to carry children.   You shouldn't judge people who say they want only one baby.  There is a huge increase in risk to the mother and the babies when there is more than one bun cooking.  And the risk becomes astronomical with triplets and beyond.  Then there is the financial drain, the additional time demands, and often lifestyle changes that may not have occurred with only one child.  For instance, mom may decide to stay home with two when she would have continued working with one because daycare eats up her entire salary.  That leads to decreased income to the household which could be a big issue in this economy.   

And just so you know I'm not offering my opinion blindly.  I am looking forward to being the mom of twins boys as a result of IVF.  We put back three eggs and at the time I wanted all three to implant.  Now that I am in my 6th month and I realize the toll this is taking on my body and the possible risks with the babies, not to mention the expenses that are adding up, I am ok that only two eggs took.  That doesn't make me a bad person.

While I agree that people should just work with the hand they are dealt with when it comes to fertility treatments and the results, you should try being a little less judgemental and think about this from someone else's point of view. 

Ruthwhite23

I usually never comment on any of these posts and only come on the site for useful information but this I can not resist on commenting on. How ignorant can you be? Not only am I expecting twins but I am a twin who conceived using Clomid, which by the way the chances of getting pregnant with twins on Clomid is only 10%. I was terrified, scared, devastated, and angry when I found out I was having twins. After talking to several Moms of twins including my own, about how I felt and the guilt I was feeling for having for feeling that way I realized that it is extremely common among expecting moms of twins.Having one baby is a challenge but two at the same time is extremely hard and our pregnancies tend to be harder with more Dr. appointments, increase morning sickness, bed rest, preterm labor. I wouldn't have it any other way now and love my twins with all my heart but until you have a walked a mile in my shoes I highly recommend you don't judge