So tired of being sad...(this will be long, but I need the vent)

pete0121

From the day Cora was born, there has been so much to be sad about.  During her first bath in the nursery, DH noticed that her foot was extremely swollen.  Blood testing and echocardiogram later, she was diagnosed with Turner Syndrome.  She is missing her second x chromosome.  She will need daily injections of Human Growth Hormone to make her grow (once she falls off the charts) and she will never go through puberty.  At normal age, she will begin taking estrogen through menopasal age.  This means she will be infertile.  So, from early on I have been so sad about these things and all of the other testing she had to go through.  She has a horseshoe shaped kidney and has had different tests on that.  At 1 month old, her colic, reflux and milk protein sensitivity started.  She would SCREAM for 3-5 hours a night.  This continued nightly until about 2 months old.  Then she was hospitalized for 5 days for a fever of unknown origin.  Talk about horrible, espcially with a toddler that needs you at home.  We were out of the hospital for 5 days when the 14 day diarrhea began which brings us to now.  Although the diarrhea has calmed down, her poop is very mucousy and some times has blood in it.  Bring on specialist #5.  Pedi thinks she is allergic to the very little lactose in Nutramigin which means and even more expensive formula.  All of this and I go back to work on Tuesday.

Believe it or not...that is the short version.  I just feel like I keep getting kicked in the balls at every turn.  I know that things could be worse for her and for me, but it doesn't help my pain most days.  I'm starting to wonder if I have the normal amount of sadness for these things.  I feel overwhelmed and I worry over everything.  I always think she has a fever, I wonder if she can hear, are her eyes tracking right, is she sleeping too much, is she eating enough, etc.

Thanks for listening....I'm just having a bad day since getting the referral for the GI.  She's gone through so much for not even being 3 months old yet.  Sigh...

joolz17

I'm so sorry. That is so much emotional turmoil to deal with in addition to dealing with a newborn and a toddler. You are so strong. Lots of luck to you and happy health to your family.

vitan

I'm really sorry to hear all you're going through and if I could, I would give you a hug. At the end of the day, I hope you can look at your daughter's face and when she gives you a smile, she's telling you "mom, I know you love me and doing your damnest". (((hugs)))

babes12

i'm sorry your feeling this way but i think it's completely normal to have all those fears, worries, concerns etc... It's a huge adjustment just to have a child as i'm sure you know and then add in complications and it can make things feel overwhelming.  It sounds like your doing everything your supposed to.  Is there someone nearby that could come over and give you a hand maybe once or twice a week?  neighbor/friend etc...?  Have you thought about therapy or something along those lines to express your emotions to? 

I went through every single emotion in the book when we lost our 2nd son and i'm still dealing with it, i'm not even sure i ever even truly dealt w/ losing him.  And i've had alot of emotions come up recently after having DD. 

Just sending you huge (((hugs))) and try to hang in there.  Try to talk to DH or family members and of course us.  we're here for you. 

alison2379

I'm really sorry you're going through all this too. You have every right to feel sad and overwhelmed.

jonnygurl76

pete0121:

From the day Cora was born, there has been so much to be sad about.  During her first bath in the nursery, DH noticed that her foot was extremely swollen.  Blood testing and echocardiogram later, she was diagnosed with Turner Syndrome.  She is missing her second x chromosome.  She will need daily injections of Human Growth Hormone to make her grow (once she falls off the charts) and she will never go through puberty.  At normal age, she will begin taking estrogen through menopasal age.  This means she will be infertile.  So, from early on I have been so sad about these things and all of the other testing she had to go through.  She has a horseshoe shaped kidney and has had different tests on that.  At 1 month old, her colic, reflux and milk protein sensitivity started.  She would SCREAM for 3-5 hours a night.  This continued nightly until about 2 months old.  Then she was hospitalized for 5 days for a fever of unknown origin.  Talk about horrible, espcially with a toddler that needs you at home.  We were out of the hospital for 5 days when the 14 day diarrhea began which brings us to now.  Although the diarrhea has calmed down, her poop is very mucousy and some times has blood in it.  Bring on specialist #5.  Pedi thinks she is allergic to the very little lactose in Nutramigin which means and even more expensive formula.  All of this and I go back to work on Tuesday.

Believe it or not...that is the short version.  I just feel like I keep getting kicked in the balls at every turn.  I know that things could be worse for her and for me, but it doesn't help my pain most days.  I'm starting to wonder if I have the normal amount of sadness for these things.  I feel overwhelmed and I worry over everything.  I always think she has a fever, I wonder if she can hear, are her eyes tracking right, is she sleeping too much, is she eating enough, etc.

Thanks for listening....I'm just having a bad day since getting the referral for the GI.  She's gone through so much for not even being 3 months old yet.  Sigh...

i am so sorry you are going through all of this and you have every right to feel sad and overwhelmed.  but please speak up if you are thinking you are feeling more pain and sadness than is normal--(not that i would know what the normal amount is)  have you spoken to your DH?  or your Dr?  please don't feel as though you need to carry the weight of your worries and pain alone.  hugs to you.

 

germswif E

I'm sorry you're going through this. Many hugs to you!

renogaw

I agree with PP about talking to your doctor.  If you think the amount of sadness and anxiety isn't normal, it probably isn't.  I found myself getting sad/crying and angry over stupid things.  I talked to my doctor and she agreed that I had PPD.  I'm being treated for it and am doing loads better.  If you are depressed, getting treated will help.  It won't improve the cards you've been dealt, but it will allow you to cope better.  GL to you, I hope your LO is feeling better soon.

ellewoodsSC

I really feel for you and everything that you and your little girl have endured thus far.  I hope that there's some answers for you soon and that you find the support you need.

Nita2603

You have every right to be overwhelmed and tired and sad. Just know that you are doing a great job. I am thinking of you and your family.

blu-eyedwife

((Hugs)) to you because it sounds like you need them.  I think that what you're describing sounds like situational depression - it's directly tied to trauma you are going through.  Is it normal?  Kind of.  I think anyone who would be dealing with everything you have on your plate right now would be feeling the exact same thing.

BUT that doesn't mean you have to go on every day waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Please take advantage of whatever support system you have available to you - be that family, friends, some form of therapist, someone out there who can make you feel like you're not in this alone.  

I know life isn't easy for you right now, but I hope the upcoming weeks get easier.  Try to take each day as it comes and we're here if you need anything - even if just a pat on the back and a "poor baby."

jpeazybreezy

Don't cheapen your pain by saying it could be worse. Yes it could be, but where you're at right now still sucks, and you don't have to be greatful for it.

You are doing a great job, and while there are times where that may not be fully apparent, don't forget how far you've come. You are stronger than you know, and your family is better for it. Keep talking about it every chance you get, don't hold anything inside, that's the best way to feel better. Be it a trained professional, or a best friend, try and talk about it often so that you don't feel like you're alone in carrying all this weight.

Good luck momma.

mrsjenniferg2010

I am sorry for what you and your family is going through. Your feelings right now are a normal way to feel.

amyc216

I'm sorry!  I know we all just want the best for our babies and don't want them to have to go through any pain or troubles.  I hope it all starts to get better soon.  We're here for you!

StephK

I am so sorry for everything that you're dealing with.  I think anyone would feel overwhelmed, sad and anxious.  You know you're doing the best that you can and that is all that you can do.  I hope the doctors are able to help Cora to feel better.  I hope things get a little easier to bear for you. *hugs*