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smurfy0418

Hello!  I am excited because I have been looking for a message board community for LGBT parenting for a while!  My partner and I are in the process of getting licensed for foster care.  We considered insemination, but neither of us wanted to be pregnant at this time, and straight up adoption is too expensive for us right now.  We know there are so many children needing loving homes, we hope that through foster care we can create a family.  Have most of you become families through pregnancy, adoption or foster care???? Just curious?

2brides

There is a mix of pregnancies and foster/adoption. You will find our foster parents to be great resources and lots of help. Welcome!

LolaBelle515

Welcome! This is a great board.  And congrats on your big decision--so exciting:)

betsykerry1

we decided that the best option for us was to do IUI. luckily i got pregnant on our first try with no drugs... so, in retrospect, carrying and having this baby was way less expensive than jumping through the hoops of getting licensed for foster care or doing an adoption. To be honest, none of it's cheap -- it was about $700 for the sperm, $250 for the IUI, $750 for estate planning with our adoption attorney and it will cost about $1000 for court fees/attorney fees for our second parent adoption. However, in the end, we get a kiddo who has been produced by me and into a loving family to start with. We looked into DHS adoptions and found that there were just so many kids who have been abused/mistreated/neglected, that we stood a better chance of fighting an uphill battle with behavior and catch up with trust and education than we really wanted. Additionally, we really wanted to have that little tiny baby to bring home... Good luck to you. 

 

smurfy0418

Yeah I realize fc has its own set of battles.  We are young enough, that we hope to start this way.  If after a year, we realize it's not for us, we still have time to try iui.  There is definitely a certain draw to wanting our "own" baby that no one can take away or tell us what to do with.  But the opportunity to help families in need is also powerful.  We'll see where we end up! Look forward to "meeting" more of you!

ctbride08

betsykerry1:

we decided that the best option for us was to do IUI. luckily i got pregnant on our first try with no drugs... so, in retrospect, carrying and having this baby was way less expensive than jumping through the hoops of getting licensed for foster care or doing an adoption. To be honest, none of it's cheap -- it was about $700 for the sperm, $250 for the IUI, $750 for estate planning with our adoption attorney and it will cost about $1000 for court fees/attorney fees for our second parent adoption. However, in the end, we get a kiddo who has been produced by me and into a loving family to start with. We looked into DHS adoptions and found that there were just so many kids who have been abused/mistreated/neglected, that we stood a better chance of fighting an uphill battle with behavior and catch up with trust and education than we really wanted. Additionally, we really wanted to have that little tiny baby to bring home... Good luck to you. 

uh, no offense but it doesnt sound like you looked too far into fostering or adopting from foster care considering the (incorrect) sterotypes you present here.

1) there is no way that concieving a child through IUI was less expensive than adopting through foster care. 

2) all three of my children were born into loving homes

3) sure, there are some foster children that have behavior issues and/or are behind educationally but certainly not all

4) we brought 2 little tiny babies home

Fostering and adopting through foster care is not for everyone and its perfectly fine that you decided it wasnt right for you, but please, lets not continue spreading these negative and often incorrect overgeneralizations about foster care.

ctbride08

to the OP, my wife and I pursued both avenues at the same time - becoming foster parents and trying to concieve.

While our story and experience wont hold true for everyone, I can tell you that TTCing was the biggest nightmare of my life.  waaaay more hoops, saddness and fustration than we ever encountered while fostering.  Has fostering been easy? Hell no - but it was right for us and if you feel called to it, it just might be right for you too!

I'm always here if you have any specific questions about the process! good luck!

butterflygrooves

ctbride08:

betsykerry1:

we decided that the best option for us was to do IUI. luckily i got pregnant on our first try with no drugs... so, in retrospect, carrying and having this baby was way less expensive than jumping through the hoops of getting licensed for foster care or doing an adoption. To be honest, none of it's cheap -- it was about $700 for the sperm, $250 for the IUI, $750 for estate planning with our adoption attorney and it will cost about $1000 for court fees/attorney fees for our second parent adoption. However, in the end, we get a kiddo who has been produced by me and into a loving family to start with. We looked into DHS adoptions and found that there were just so many kids who have been abused/mistreated/neglected, that we stood a better chance of fighting an uphill battle with behavior and catch up with trust and education than we really wanted. Additionally, we really wanted to have that little tiny baby to bring home... Good luck to you. 

uh, no offense but it doesnt sound like you looked too far into fostering or adopting from foster care considering the (incorrect) sterotypes you present here.

1) there is no way that concieving a child through IUI was less expensive than adopting through foster care. 

2) all three of my children were born into loving homes

3) sure, there are some foster children that have behavior issues and/or are behind educationally but certainly not all

4) we brought 2 little tiny babies home

Fostering and adopting through foster care is not for everyone and its perfectly fine that you decided it wasnt right for you, but please, lets not continue spreading these negative and often incorrect overgeneralizations about foster care.

CT, I heart you. 

butterflygrooves

Welcome to the board!

 My DW and I are also foster parents, and like CT said, it isn't easy but it's so worth it.  We've been licensed for 1 year and have 4 children currently, my bio daughter, our adopted daughter, and 2 little girls that we are fostering (hoping to adopt).

Feel free to ask anything you would like about foster care, CT is a great resource and I try to help out when I can.  

smurfy0418

thanks --  Classes start in January - if all goes well, we should be licensed by the end of march.