Special Needs

VENT: Feeling like the minority

I am so sick of playgroups and I think it's because I'm tired of hearing over and over " Billy learned to crawl in a day!" or "She's only 7 months but she's already cruising!" I am so good at not comparing Marley with their DCs. I fully understand that she is going at her own pace and will reach those milestones too, one day. But I feel like I can't relate to moms who have DCs the same age as Marley. While they crawl all over the place or pull to stand, Marley is lying on the floor sucking her thumb. It is such a stark reminder that Marley is different and it makes me so sad. It's like when you're in high school and all your friends have boyfriends and are going on dates, making out, and going to planned parenthood to get put on the pill but you haven't even held hands with a boy yet. You know you'll get to where they are one day but for now you feel like such an outsider. I am an outsider, and I am jealous and I want to belong and I can't. Sure, we can relate on feeding and sleeping issues but that is the extent of it. Last week they held playgroup at an active play center- a place for crawlers to 24 months. Well I don't have a crawler and I probably won't have one for quite awhile. So I stayed home- a little resentful. Is it bad that I don't want to hang out with these moms? I wish I had more mom friends to hang out with but I find it so hard to connect with moms who don't have a SNC. We're such a small community- such the minority in a world made for families that never have to worry if their child will go to regular school, or learn how to go to the bathroom by themselves, or will learn how to tie their own shoes. Anywhere, I just needed to vent because no one understands like you ladies do. I'm glad I at least have this place to express my frustrations.
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Re: VENT: Feeling like the minority

  • Aw hon.... I'm not sure what to say other than you have every right to feel the way you do and it is NOT bad that you don't want to hang out with those other moms.  And even if we can't relate 100% you know you should always feel free to vent as much as much as you want - no judgment here!!  We all have those day (and weeks and months....)

    Just don't forget that you are an amazing mommy to Marley!!! Do not let other moms and their bragging get to you - your little girl will have her own milestones on her own terms and they will be SO much more special.


  • I was just talking about this with my husband today. I have chosen to go back to work a few days a week because as a stay at home mom of a SNC I felt very isolated. My EI group has a playgroup, and that is the only one I've been to. When I was on maternity leave, I didn't feel like I'd fit in at a regular playgroup because I was intending to go back to work. Then when my son was diagnosed, I didn't want to go because I knew it would be really hard for me to relate. I am the parent rep from our EI group for the state, and I'm planning to start some kind of parent group so we can talk about things like this.

    I can totally relate to what you're going through. It can feel very lonely at times so please vent whenever you need to.

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  • I understand you lonely and I too felt do lonely, like NO ONE understood, not even my parents some of the time. I always stated how people's lives would continue where our always just seem kind of paused. It was heart breaking for me when my girlfriend's son was ill, because I knew how it felt. Yet 6 weeks later he is cured and she has "forgotten", where we will never "forget"!

    But that is the great thing in having a SNC, you never "FORGET". You never forget your love, you will never forget when Marley sits, crawls or walks for the first time. These beautiful memories will always be yours because you will never forget and that I am sure of.

    Don't feel bad for not going to a mother's group. I don't go to one anymore either, because Cash will be nine months and is no where near crawling or even pulling himself up like others. But I will  NEVER FORGET that it took him 8 months and 1 day to sit. It was the best day for little man and beautiful.
    I wish they had a neighborhood that you moved too after having a SNC where we all had porches and big green lawns. The kids could lay in the grass, worry free. Where we had neighbors who understood why we were always holed up in doors. I think this would make me venture out more. The mommy's could stay home worry free and we all had supplemented income to life comfortably. Man look at me dream...

    Sorry you feel so alone, but you are blessed in ways they will never be touched. Marley is a doll, Cash will be her boyfriend in the future and take her to a prom!

  • I know how you feel.  I think it is fine that you don't want to hang out with any of the other mom's.  I hate going to a lot of playdates too. 

    Marley will have her own milestones and when she learns to crawl it will be so exciting!

    I have a friend who has a son with PDD.  I don't remember when he learned to walk, but when he did, she called me and she was prob. the happiest mom on Earth.

  • I totally know how you feel and was just about to post about this myself.  I sit and watch tv or even just watch my DS and am so sad that my girls can't do the same things as he can.  I started thinking of thier birthday and just got so sad that they won't be able to play in their birthday cake (or even see it).  My thoughts are consumed every day on how sad that my girls can't have the "normal" expirences babies have.  They are different and it makes me sad for them that one day they will look back and will have to know that they couldn't walk, talk, crawl, see, or even hold their heads up good on their first birthday.

    I am right there with you, and feel the same about all the wonderful ladies on here.  Without you guys, all these feelings would just stay inside b/c everyone else doesn't understand.
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  • I've yet to make it to a playgroup in my area because I'm afraid to see the other children and realize how delayed Joshua really is.  One realization that has made me happy recently is that while everyone else's child is starting to snipe, crawl, move, roll over, try to get away from them, my baby is content to sit in my arms and snuggle.  My little one will do everything other children are doing eventually.  My friends are all complaining that their babies are growing up too quickly...I choose to be thankful that Josh is staying in this baby stage just a little bit longer!  :)

  • I'm so sorry.  Just as a mom who wants to be taken care of by other ladies - as well as TAKE CARE of other ladies... what kinds of things at playgroups might make things better????  Im just wondering in a 'just incase...nextime' kind of way.....

    I can't relate, but I can hear your pain......  **hugs**

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  • I'm really sorry you are feeling like this.  My son has a speech delay so I know how frustrating it is to see other kids and wish your child could do what they are.

    Have you tried music classes?  I have had my kids in several music classes, they love it, and it doesn't require crawling/walking.  We've done Kindermusik and Music Together.  The baby sits in my lap most of the time, we sing, use instruments, stand up and dance holding baby.

    Also swim classes, my local rec center starts at 6 months.  I hold the baby the whole time, she doesn't have to do much physically and loves it.  In my sons' swim class there is a little boy in a wheelchair, his dad does the class with him and he has a great time.


    DS - June 2006 DD1 - November 2007 DD2 - August 2010
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