When does it end? Please help!
I posted when DS was much younger that he had to be held constantly in order to be happy. Well, he's 14 weeks now and it hasn't improved...at all (it might actually have gotten worse). We bedshare so he's been sleeping pretty well at night (and so have I oddly enough...he even had his first 7 hour stretch last night!), but he has to nap on one of us. I can't get anything done during the day. I've tried wearing him but he gets wiggly and irritated if I'm doing too much while I'm wearing him. Feeding him to sleep doesn't work. He hates his paci...it makes him more upset. I've tried putting him to sleep 'drowsy but awake' - no dice. I've tried putting him down while I think he's at his deepest sleep - he wakes up 5 minutes later screaming and tearing at himself. I've tried putting him down in a swing (so he's sitting up in case it's reflux), tried laying him on his back, and even tried putting him on his tummy right next to me (so I could keep an eye on him)....still didn't work. I even tried putting him down asleep in his crib and then consoling him when he cried and putting him back, repeat, etc. Did that for 3 hours for a nap and he never did sleep and just ended up mad when we tried to put him to bed that night. I should also mention that this means he only goes to bed when we go to bed since he won't sleep without me, so he doesn't go to bed until about 9 or 9:30 (although he usually naps from 6:30/7-8).
I can't stand the idea of CIO, but I'm getting desperate. My mom says it's just because he loves me so much which is great but I'm battling PPD and I feel like this is contributing to it. I love my son, but especially on days when DH is gone from 6a-9p with work/music), I feel like the only break I can get is our daily walk around the nearby lake (DS's only time in a stroller)...and even then, if I stop moving for too long, he wakes up and gets mad. I need to be able to put him down for my sanity without him screaming bloody murder and tearing at his skin/clothes. TIA!
BFP 02/04/2011;EDD 10/14/2011;Induced due to pre-e 09/07/2011;Jack born 09/08/2011
Re: When does it end? Please help!
*lurker*
What about having your mom or someone come in and help you. My LO was like this where she only napped while being held. Granted, she still somewhat does this but does nap in her crib/swing at least for one nap. My mom comes and holds her while she naps and then I can get things done. Or if DD is needing mom time, my mom does the things I need to get done (i.e. laundry, dinner, etc.).
Since you're battling PPD, you need all the extra help you can get. Even an hour break a day or two will help, I think.
BFP #1 - 11/16/10 CP 12/1/10
Our team green turned into team pink!
BFP #2 17dpo - 47, 19dpo - 114 Chart
One thing your post made me think of is does your LO have eczema since you mention tearing at the skin? That can be really uncomfy and would explain some (a lot?) of the need to be held constantly. Reflux can make babies pretty miserable as well.
DD had both and she was pretty needy at least in part to those 2 things. She had crappy naps (and only in a bouncer) and for longer sleeps she needed to be super-close to me to stay asleep. She didn't like being worn until she was close to 4 mos old (man, that helped tons!), though she wanted to be carried around and held all the time. She nursed frequently. Sleep training was all fail. Thinking back, that whole first year was pretty rough. The reflux was largely eliminated by cutting out dairy. Simethicone (aka Mylicon) is pretty benign and can help babies pass gas so it's not causing/exacerbating reflux or just relieve general tummy discomfort.
One other thing to consider if you have a preemie, is that you might need to use their adjusted age for reaching certain developmental milestones like being ready for sleep training.
I don't know if that makes you feel better or worse
But ime, I found that going with the flow and adjusting my expectations made for a lot less stress. I had to stop reading posts on the bump about babies who STTN at 8 weeks (and 8 months, lol!).
Have you had your son checked out to make sure there's nothing physically wrong with him (like reflux)?
To be honest, I wasn't able to put DD down for naps/night at ALL until she was around six months. She slept on me for brief periods of time. And even at 6 months, it was still really hard, with lots of waking up. Around nine-ish months, it got a little better, and I put her in her own room after that.
She's almost 20 months now, and is consistently sleeping through the night for the first time as of two weeks ago.
I know that's not encouraging for you to hear, but at least you know you aren't alone. Could you look into hiring a post partum doula? Have a friend come over on your H's long days to give you a break? Leave DS with H on Saturday to take some time to yourself? You're a great mama, but you have to take care of yourself too.
You could try CIO, but it may not work this young anyway. I think even the CIO "experts" recommend waiting until 4-6 months to start. I thought Ferber's book was really helpful and interesting, and we did use his sleep training technique to finally get her napping/sleeping by herself (the 8/9 month mark).
I needed to hear this!! Thank you... we are just at 8 months and I have FINALLY got LO sleeping and napping on her own. She would only sleep on me for the 1st 6 months and needed to be rocked to sleep each and every nap and waking. Nights aren't great but slowly getting better. She refused the pacifier, hated the carseat and won't sleep in a carrier or stroller. I remember not believing she'd ever fall asleep sleepy-awake. It was a LONG 6 months...
I still can't leave her for over an hour, even with DH but we're working on it. Good luck, we'll get there in time
I agree with a PP about seeing Dr about skin problems for the scratching and tearing at himself.
Also, do you do a tight swaddle? It was the only way to DD to sleep for the first 6 months or so.
It will get better! Get someone to come help you a few times a week. You mentioned DH at work/music? Maybe he could cut back on "music" a bit and come home earlier?
My LO was/is also very needy. She slept with one of us holding her or next to her for the first 5 or 6 months, then it switched to her only being able to nap in the car. while it was moving. so we would literally drive her around for an hour while she napped.
I think every baby is different, and I laugh at the idea of putting her to bed drowsy but awake! No way it ever worked for us, and I would try it every week or so in the hopes of some magical change. She still needs nursed down, but will fall asleep by herself after nursing 50% of the time. the other 50% she falls asleep on the boob.
Thanks for all of the encouragement everyone. DS doesn't have eczema - I had him checked by the pedi since DH has it and she said he's perfect. She also checked him for reflux and said she didn't think he had any (plus, he sleeps fine at night...he used to spit up occasionally at night but doesn't even do that now).
I think the pp who mentioned the 'extreme need' is probably on to something. I really want to be there for him because I know he had a traumatic first week on earth, but some days it would be nice to get him down for at least one nap. I won't CIO (it just really bothers me and seems silly just for a nap when he's sleeping fine at night), so I guess I'll just keep trying different things until something works. I guess I just needed to hear some encouragement.
I wish my mom could help more but they live 2.5 hours away and MIL lives 1 hour away and all of my friends work during the day. DH and I did have a talk last night too though about him holding DS more just so I can have a little 'me' time (even if it's spent doing housework).
Anyway, thanks everyone. I really think it is just an emotional need. Our pedi is really great (and AP!) and has checked him several times and always says the same thing, "He's perfect!" So, I guess I'll just have to wait for him to grow out of being high needs like pp said.
Edited because I saw your second post. I would still seek out a second opinion. The scratching at skin is not normal. Based on my navigation of the medical system with DD, there are way too many doctors out there who are too quick to write off any infant problem as colic.
I have two book recommendations: is This your child, by Doris rapp, and colic solved by Bryan vartabedian.