If you or your SO have parents far away

SweetHurricane

This is for people who are a plane ride or more from family...

How do you handle visiting your (or your SO's) long distance parents since having LO?

Every time H talks to his parents on the phone, he starts getting these crazy ideas that next time he's on leave he will fly to CA (by himself) for a week to go see them. I have a huge problem with this and I'm not sure if I'm being silly, or if this is a valid concern.

1) I want to go too. While I'm not a fan of the town/area, but I did live there for 4 years and I have friends I'd like to see. I left when I was pregnant, so they've never had a change to meet A.

2) H only gets leave twice a year. He works 12 hour days, so his time home when he is working is very limited. Leave is the only time we can leave the area without jumping through hoops.

3) He's going to leave me home with A, while pregnant, to go off galavanting across the country? The only time I could do the same to him is when he's on leave, and I'd never do that because it's our only time together. If I'm not going to do that, I don't see why he should.

4) His parents are loaded. His dad works for himself and his mom gets a million vacation days a year. It is soooo much easier for them to come here. But they only do every 6 months. If they're not willing to make more of an effort, why should we?

Part of me knows I need to just get over it, but the other part of me really does not want him to go.

ffejsGirl

Why can't you go with him?

MrsHollywood1023

That's a tough one.  If DH would spend 1 one of his only twice a year leaves away from me traveling then I would probably be a little upset about not going with him.  At the same time though, I've flown home multiple times without him and he's more than supportive.  Maybe he can invite them down for a little while during is leave.  Then you still get to see him, they still get to see him, and I'm sure they would be just as excited to get an invitation to come directly from your husband as they would if he went out there.

SweetHurricane

ffejsGirl:

Why can't you go with him?

I'll be a million weeks pregnant. Then the next leave will be Christmas. We already decided that traveling with two kids over the holidays is a very bad idea. Then the next leave is right before he deploys.

When you talk to the recruiter about joining the Army, they tell you about all the vacation days you get. What they don't tell you is that you're not allowed to take them. A guy in H's unit got a leave packet turned down for his sister's wedding. The wedding was on a Saturday - they told him that was plenty of time to get back in town for work on Monday.

ffejsGirl

That sucks!

In light of the fact you'll be a million weeks pregant I wouldn't let him go across country either. I think that's the thing to stress. What if something happens and he can't get back in time?

Jeff goes fishing for a week in Canada every year with his buddies in June. The summer Aiden was born we decided it just wasn't worth the risk. I was 34 weeks pregnant, had GD, and he would have been in the backwoods of another country with no way for me to get ahold of him or him me.

It's just a sacrifice they have to realize is necessary when your circumstances, pregnancy and children don't allow for other options.

broccolitree

We're in GA, my family except my caribbean-dwelling brother is in the snow belt in upstate ny. H's dad is in TX, his sister is in DC, and the rest of his family is local.

H is a full time telecommuter so we have a lot of leeway. WE've been discussing renting an apartment in NY next summer. We'rehoping we can rent student housing on the cheap, but we'll see. I've flown solo with her once and we've travelled together once. My mom visited twice, my dad once, and both sets of my aunts once. H's dad visited twice and his sister once.

I think yoursituation is far different though. I think you need to encourage them to visit you. I wouldn't hesitateto visitmy family solo (it's really not too difficult to do, though it is way easier with another person, and Joaquin is an excellent traveller. But H's family? Ugh. Massively KU? Ugh, ugh.

RedZee

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's ridiculous for him to leave his child and super pregnant wife for a week. And even moreso when it's one of his only vacations. I get that he wants to see his parents, but this way just doesn't work. We grew up overseas from my dad's families. When we were little, we'd always go visit as a family. When my dad's parents got older and were sick he would go on his own for short visits. So I definitely get him going to see his parents, but if they are able to travel to you I think you need to stick to that. When I was a million weeks pregnant I didn't even like H going to work!