Contacted his ex

LadyLissame

My STBXH has another son by an ex-girlfriend. He would be about 7 years old now. All while we (ok, I) was trying to work things out in our marriage, I wanted to contact her to let her know that her son has a half-brother, but did not as I felt that was STBX's decision. When she was in her 3rd trimester she told STBX that she did not want him to be a part of their life and she refused any money he gave her to help her. His name is not on hte birth certificate. She never went after him for child support and he never went after her for visitation rights (yet our entire relationship he would mention his son... made me really anxious about being pregnant).

I decided that since STBX and I are no longer together, I did not have to worry about appeasing him so I went ahead and sent her a message on facebook, basically saying that "As I understand it STBX is the biological father of your son. He does not know that I am contacting you, nor do I plan to tell him. I wanted you to know that your son has a half-brother named DS, etc." There was more, and it was worded better. That is just the cliff notes.

To be honest, I kind of hope she contacts me back as I would like for DS to get to know his brother. But I do understand that she needs to protect her son and I have no idea what she has told him about STBX or if he even knows about him.

Has anyone been in a situation like this?

mdotm0904

Kinda. DD has 3 half siblings & while we were dating I met the kids but never officially met her until we broke up because he had me believing all kinds of lies about her. I ran into her at the grocery store when I was 7 or 8 months pregnant & she expressed a desire for the kids to get to know each other and that the two of us should be able to get along for their sake.

Ex was not happy about it at all! He called me all kinds of names when he found out that we had been communicating (I let it slip. I also just found out today that he emailed her shortly after I gave birth telling her that I didn't want her to send me anymore emails. Manipulative much?) he felt like she & I didn't need to have a relationship & that the kids should get to know each other only through him. But she & I still email a couple times a month. The kids still haven't met yet because she wants to wait until our custody case dies down which I understand. Not like DD knows the difference. 

I think it was cool that you reached out to her but just be prepared if she chooses not for her son to have a relationship w/DS. Sounds like she wants absolutely no part of your STBXH (& this MAY include his "other" son)