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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
Who's not doing CIO?
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Re: Who's not doing CIO?
Because It is a lot harder and takes a whole lot longer to sleep train any other way.
Plus...those who say they aren't that tired, haven't have a good noght sleep in a long time. You don't know what you are missing to be able to crawl into bed and I know that you can sleep till 7 am with out intruptions.
Happy Mom, Happy Family!
We've tried CIO and it just doesn't work. Don't get me wrong, if LO fusses, I don't run in there right away and see what I can do. Sometimes he can soothe himself back to sleep after a minute with a nuk. However, when it turns into crying I just go in. It's probably selfish reasons that I do this. I work full-time, and lying awake hearing him cry makes me so much more tired during the day than nursing him back to sleep.
I am probably creating bad habits early by always nursing him to bed. But it works and I know both he and I enjoy the cuddle time we get when I do nurse him back to sleep so I guess we continue on until (hopefully) the day he STTN.
A Boy's Room
Yeah, this. OP, you're off the deep end if you think you can post about CIO on a public forum and say something like this without getting people up in arms. You are quite obviously judgmental about CIO, you're not fooling anyone.
Talk about hot-button. All the "CIO is NOT for us" and "See whose baby is happier in the long run" and "it's cruel to not teach your baby to sleep" and "it's negect to let your baby cry" is all so passive-aggressive. The non-CIO moms feel they're better parents for not letting their babies cry; the CIO parents feel they're better parents for teaching their babies how to sleep well. I'm all for a good debate, but this is not one, this is kind of pathetic. Every baby is different and has different needs, every mom is different and will make the best decision for her family.
I agree with this.
I would also add that there are a lot of misconceptions about CIO being thrown around in this thread. Most babies are not left to cry until they vomit, nor are they left to cry for hours on end each night. After the first night or two, most moms report the crying is minimal, less in fact than the crying from a frustrated baby who can't fall sleep on his own night after night.
And I agree with the PP who said the anti-CIO camp wears their hours of shushing and patting like a badge of honor. I particularly resent the comment that CIO is a "form of neglect." If my DD had responded to shushing and patting, we probably would have left it at that -- but her all-night crying fests were what led us to sleep train in the first place! We're helping her help herself.
We didn't do CIO. DS was up at least every two hours, if not more often, for months. After talking to another mom I decided to give a bottle of EBM at night instead of nurse and that has made all of the difference in the world.
The thought is that he was looking for the warmth and comfort of nursing so he wakes up often to get it. So him getting a bottle discourages that, but he is still getting fed. On the very few occasions that I have nursed him instead of him getting a bottle he has definitley slept worse than he does with a bottle.
We also go to him as soon as he starts to cry. We figure the longer he cries the more awake he becomes and the harder it is to get him back to sleep. Oh, and we put at least 3 pacifiers in the crib with him so that when he loses one he can feel around for another and pop it in and go back to sleep.
I'm with skio. I believe in the mama knows best sleep training.
There is actual science behind "CIO" as you all so loosely toss around.
I really, really wish people would stop using the term CIO in place of the words 'sleep training.' Because not all babies even cry when they are being sleep trained. My DS did, because he is an emotional child. My DD? No way, it was merely fussing it out for a few days and then boom. STTN.
And what has effectively happened here is that the term relates now as if it's some sort of corporal punishment on your infant.
If you aren't for sleep training, great. Be confident in your decisions as a mother and move on. But, I have to agree, this post comes off pretty damn judgey.
My DD was very colicky until about 3.5-4 months old. I would have to do a big song and dance ...shushing, rocking, bouncing..at the same time, while standing for 3 hours straight. She would.not.sleep. She has come a VERY long way, she will go down for naps with very little fuss and I still have to rock her to sleep, but I'm ok with that.
Night time seems to be the worst. She just always wants to know what's going on and has to check out every little sound. It can be frustrating, but she isn't crying and is usually down by 7:30pm. It is a very rare occurrence that I can get her to fall asleep on her own, and lately she has been super squirmy in bed at night. About a month ago we tried CIO and I could only last 7 minutes. I'm sorry, but I just cannot let her cry herself to sleep at night, hyperventilating and everything. It's just not for me.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is no, I don't have a great sleeper and I still will not be using CIO.
Well said, Skio.
One piece of advice that really put it all together for me was this: "Sometimes we have to stop letting our babies decide what they're ready for and just take charge." This was huge for me. Sleep is a skill that must be learned. It comes more naturally to some. To DD, it doesn't. I think getting her to sleep better (including naps), has been one of the best gifts we could have given her and us. By letting her CIO, we are responding to her needs just as you feel you are by not letting your LO CIO.
FWIW...I fought doing CIO for months. It went against every one of my mommy instincts. That doesn't mean it's wrong though. There will be lots of things that we must do that go against our mommy instincts.
We probably did some version of CIO - he does need to learn to self-soothe. But I refuse to let him cry for more than a few minutes. He usually fusses a bit to go to sleep - he always goes down awake and puts himself to sleep. But if he's crying - I mean really crying - and not just fussing, I'll go get him. He's skipped naps this way and been just fine. I just refuse to let him scream for too long - I don't think that's helpful for him at all.
I'd be lying if I said that I would completely support someone letting their child cry and cry - even if it is to get them to sleep. Perhaps there is something else bothering the child making it difficult for them to sleep? It goes against every instinct I have - and I believe we're given those instincts for a reason. I don't think anyone is less of a mom - I just don't get how you do it. And I think we can disagree with someone's choice without being judgmental about the person.
My LO slept wonderfully for the first 6 months of her life. Since then she started to refuse to sleep at anytime. I began allowing her to CIO a few weeks ago and she has slept through the night many times since then.
I wasn't a believer in CIO until I had no other choice. Now if I ever have a second child I will start doing it earlier than 6 months with them.
It won't work until a kid is ready, though. My sister sleep trained at 8 or 9 months with her first kid and it was over in 2 nights. So she tried it at 5 months with her second - huge fail. It was too soon, and it was just tears for nothing. She didn't get up the nerve to try again until 11 months.
A mom does know her baby and her limits best.
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I disagree with "it won't work until the kid is ready." Because if that were the case, everyone would just wait and wait and wait for their kids to be ready. Exactly the point the anti's are making.
I sleep trained DS at 6 months, and you know I started earlier with DD. Huge success, both times and I dictated when we started, not my kids.
And I find it a bit hilarious that you are commenting on this subject.
So why didn't you just start on Day 1 with your baby? Because he wasn't ready. And why didn't it work with my sister's second kid? She knew what she was doing if one success is enough.
I never said I wouldn't sleep train. I said 4 months was too soon for us - and it was. And I said I'd read my own damn books - and I did.
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How do you know I didn't start on Day 1? I mean, theoretically, we waited about 6 weeks before we started implementing a routine a la eat, play, sleep (also considered sleep training or I guess CIO, since the 2 terms are synonymous here on TB :headdesk:)
I kind of felt like your judgments back in September made A LOT of people feel terrible about their decision to start sleep training. It forced a lot of PM's into my inbox from the May board.
And here you are, a few months later, defending the other side. It's interesting is all. I hope that sleep training works for Owen and you can see that those that give it a shot (at ANY age) are only doing what they feel is best for them and their families.
I think every person in this thread that is anti-CIO needs to hear from someone like Iris, who was VEHEMENTLY opposed until her DD (Iris) was much older. And subsequently training her then was extremely difficult as it typically is the older and more aware the baby gets. NEVER SAY NEVER.
Well, I'm wrong when I disagree with you and I'm "interesting" if I agree with you, so I'm not really sure what you want from me, Lisa.
I swear the full moon was two days ago, but man, this place is weird today.
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I worry this will be my life in a year and a half/two years. I honestly don't judge families who sleep train at all (Happy Mom, Happy Family and all) but I just truly don't feel like it's right for me and DD. And she's so ridiculously stubborn she would just cry and cry and cry and cry until she threw up and passed out.
I feel like I may have problems when she's two though.
I think almost all parents feel this way (they picture the worst). I thought my LO would cry for an hour and a half, and you know what, I think he was one on the third interval (so 25 minutes?) I assumed mine would, because he would cry for hours in my arms, so I assumed in the crib would be the same. Not the case. Don't stress too much.
Other than that, everyone else has said it already. Everyone on each side thinks their way is superior. I think its interesting how on our board, as each month passes, more and more mommy's who swore they they would never sleep train are now choosing to. Don't close your mind off to anything - you might want to change it later.
It has been my experience (with friend)s that if your baby isn't sleeping now( 6+ months), they are not magically going to start one day. I know I've posted this in a lot of threads, but a friend of mine is still getting up to lay down with her DS several times a night, and no longer sleeps with her DH. Her 8 month old is heading the same way. She is unhappy, and her kiddo is not well rested. I knew I didn't want to be dealing with issues like this later on.
I had to CIO at 10 months with DS. He was up every 2-3 hours and I'd had it. I was frustrated and hadn't had a solid block of sleep since he was born. I was losing my mind. It took 2 nights of him crying off/on for 30 minutes when he woke at 2-3 a.m. and he STTN ever since save for a few random wakings every now and then. I have no regrets, I felt like a new woman, and I know for sure I was a better mother for him and he was getting more quality sleep than he had been ever before in his short little life.
I'm pretty sure the bad haircut I just gave him will have more of a lasting traumatic effect on him than a couple nights of CIO.