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Names
I am due in early January and since me and EX are not togather anymore, due to him cheating. I will be giving our daughter my last name, however he has threatened to take LO away from me after she is born. I have been advised not to put his name on the birth certificate so this can not happen, how ever if I go "after him" for CS will this be a problem later since he wont be on the birth certificate?
(He has done nothing but put me threw emotionaly stress, and have done or helped with anything but buying himself what he wants and not what the child needs.)
TIA!
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Re: Names
If you go after him for CS they have to establish paternity which I think results with his name on the birth certificate so either you forget about the money and do your best to keep your child away or you deal with him visiting the child and getting child support.
Also, do not believe his threats to "take" your child away. This is a scare tactic used by almost every man during a split. CHances are, unless you are a severe drug addict or obvious unfit mother, you will have custody of the child.
BUT, if you want that child support he will get some sort of visitation unless the courts see him as a danger to the child.
My H beat the crap out of me and threatened to kill me and our child. He will still get visitation unfortunately. So the chances you can keep the child away forever if he wants to see him/her is almost impossible. I'm sorry.
BAD ADVICE!
First:
If you are not married to the father of the child he has no legal rights to the child and in some states you aren't allowed to put him on the birth certificate or give the child his last name. Unless he signs an "Affidavit of Paternity" ( the hospital will have this form if he is there to sign it)
2. If you are not married he does not get automatic anything. No rights to visitation nothing unless you give it or a judge orders it.
3. VISITATION AND CHILD SUPPORT ARE TWO DIFFERENT SITUATIONS AND ARE NOT NOT NOT DEPENDANT ON EACH OTHER.
You can file for CS, the court will order a paternity test or a signature on the affidavit of paterninty and then they will determine and order CS to be paid.
He will then have to carry his happy A$$ to the court house and file for paternity rights and visitation and custody rights. Then a Judge will have to grant them and you will have the right to figure out a parenting plan.
He can be granted visitation and never pay a dime in CS and you would be held in contempt of court if you deny access to the child. OR
You could be granted CS (payment is always a different animal) and he may never file or be denied visitation and you would still be owed the CS and he could therotically never have access to the child.
File for CS as soon as the baby is born. Give the child your name and don't put the father on the BC. Have him take a paternity test ordered by the court that he will have to pay for and get CS Ordered. Then until you are ordered by a judge to allow access to the child you don't have to have another word to him.
Wait to see if he even files for visitation.
I agree with Sweetie!!!
I gave my daughter my last name despite his objections about it. I didn't have him sign the Affidavit of Paternity in the hospital because had i done that and he was on the birth certificate as the father, then technically he could take DD and not give her back until we go to court and get a court order. So in order to protect myself and her, I left him off (after the paternity comes back we can have the birth certificate altered to have him added).
But definitely file for CS! Don't listen to his threats. You have the power & the control, be strong for your kid. To be honest, you and him have nothing to even talk about until the baby gets here anyway, soooo I'd stop talking to this guy for a while and just enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!
With all that being said, if my daughter has my exes last name and he is on the BC, does that mean he has automatic rights at that point or will they still have to be court ordered? We are not married either.
Last name doesn't matter. It's birth certificate. "Technically", if he's on the birth certificate he has the same amount of legal rights that you do. Where I live, "posession is 9/10ths of the law". Meaning that without a court order, whoever has physical posession of the child at that moment, has "custody" if both people are on the birth certificate. Meaning, if BD picked DD up for the day and is supposed to bring her back at 6, but he decides he doesn't want to bring her back at 6. And I call him and he says "she's staying with me". If I call the police, they can't make him give her back to me because there's no custody order in place. I'd have to go down to the court and file for an emergency custody hearing.
Most guys don't know this (they assume that unmarried the mom has custody), so they don't try to take the child from their mom. So yes, allow your BD to visit but if you think that there's even a slight chance that he'd try to keep your baby away from you, protect yourself and protect your LO, and don't allow LO to go with him with you not there. If he gets annoyed enough, he'll go to court and file for visitation.
Another option is to come up with a parenting plan that works for the both of you and then you can have it turned into an enforcable court order. This is more amicable than going through a tense custody battle.
Sorry for the bad advice. This was everything that was told to me but I was married too so the situation was different.
After meeting with an attorney today I was told I could indeed keep my child away from him, but in order to get child support chances are my XH would get visitation. So that's true for me at least. Again, sorry!