How do I deal with this friend? — The Bump
Iowa Babies

How do I deal with this friend?

I'm 19 weeks into things, and have a friend whose son will be two in February.  We have different views on things, which is fine for me, but she's completely rude about everything I'm doing with my pregnancy and how I plan on raising my son.

 For instance, I plan on doing a natural, drug free birth.  Every time it's mentioned, she goes on and on about how dumb it is not to get the drugs, and how ridiculous people are for caring one way or another if there are drugs involved. (again, I'm respectful of her choices, it's her kid and her body, so whatever.)

 She laughs at me when I mention wanting to do cloth diapering, again calling people who do it ridiculous, or saying there has to be something wrong with people for wanting to deal with poop more than they have to.

 I could go on, but you get the point.  She has absolutely no respect for how I want to deal with my pregnancy and raise my child, and it's making me really resentful.  How can I politely tell her to STUFF IT?

Re: How do I deal with this friend?

  • I applaud you for wanting to try ... many women follow through with the same ambitions and lots don't (they end up with an epidural, using disposables, etc.)  It is entirely your choice.  Once you have kids your friend circle changes.  If you want to keep the friendship, I would just grin and bear it or politely thank her for her opinion, but you are going to be firm in the decisions you've made ... ?  Tough one.  Good luck!  And Congrats!
    --------------------- Amanda DS Zack 7/31/05 DS Luke 1/1/07
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  • It's really hard to set boundaries with people - especially when our hormones are on the rampage. If you think you can muster up the courage without getting angry or crying (not sure I could do it is why I say that) I recommend a conversation something like this the next time that she says something ugly or unkind:

    You know, Sally, you're a good friend and I enjoy the time that we spend together but your negative and argumentative comments regarding my pregnancy/birth plan/parenting are really hurtful to me. I respect your opinion and you are welcome to share your opinion when you want to but you need to do it with the same respect that I have shown to you regarding the choices that you made/make in these areas. If you can't be more kind and constructive in your comments then we are going to have to cut back on our time together.

    Be firm but kind to her. And be willing to end the conversation the next time she gets ugly with you so that she knows that you're serious. If you need other people to talk to who aren't going to be so hard on you then find some of us out here. I don't get out here very often but am willing to check in more if need be.

    Good luck to you!!

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  • I agree with angel05080, you need to tell her how this is making you feel, and why. I would also include my reasoning behind this such as the drugs have a negative affect on baby and babies who wear cloth diapers have less diaper rash, ect what ever your reasons are. If she is not willing to listen or let up it may be time to give this friendship a lil break.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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