Change of heart?

OnTheLanai

Anyone ever have a moment where maybe TTC kind of seemed like too much and it was a time to take a step back. Ive been on a forced medical break for awhile, but now all of a sudden..I feel like maybe I don't want to try in January like we were planning.

My sister moved in with us last week and she has two young boys(4 months and 2 years) and so I have had this birds eye view of what its like to have kids...and it scares me! Im honestly wondering if Im ready for that. I know its different being your own kids, and I know if I got pregnant tomorrow Id sob with tears of joy. 

We have been TTCing for 2.5 years..but now Im wondering if maybe Ive been in panic mode the whole time and if I didnt have a ticking biological clock, then MAYBE I would put it off for a little bit longer? 

Now Im just rambling and IDK if I even make sense..just curious if Im alone in these feelings. 

chels38026

I used to think that I would never want to take a break until we got our BFP.  This has changed in the last month, esp since I thought I would be on a break right now and through the holidays, but DH and our RE wanted to do one more IUI cycle before IVF.  I really wish I was on a break right now, and am not as eager to start IVF as I once was. 

brookelynpaisley

I've totally been there. In many ways, I still am. TTTC made us really take a good hard look at some things, and we realized that it's all kind of scary. I don't think the average couple would change their minds, but 3T served to give us the time to appreciate aspects of a childfree life.

At first I thought it was self-preservation: "if I don't want it so much and I don't get it, it won't hurt." But now I honestly do feel (most days) that maybe this is exactly where we're supposed to be.

OnTheLanai

brookelynpaisley:

I've totally been there. In many ways, I still am. TTTC made us really take a good hard look at some things, and we realized that it's all kind of scary. I don't think the average couple would change their minds, but 3T served to give us the time to appreciate aspects of a childfree life.

At first I thought it was self-preservation: "if I don't want it so much and I don't get it, it won't hurt." But now I honestly do feel (most days) that maybe this is exactly where we're supposed to be.

You know? I think part of this attitude Im experience is this. I think honestly if I didnt "want it" maybe, it will make getting through the holidays easier? lol

I agree with the rest of you, TTTC really does make you stop and think about things. I never thought I could get to this place, but 2.5 years is a long time. I dont think Im ready to move on from having children, but maybe just not want it for the time being right now..if that makes sense?

brookelynpaisley

OnTheLanai:

brookelynpaisley:

I've totally been there. In many ways, I still am. TTTC made us really take a good hard look at some things, and we realized that it's all kind of scary. I don't think the average couple would change their minds, but 3T served to give us the time to appreciate aspects of a childfree life.

At first I thought it was self-preservation: "if I don't want it so much and I don't get it, it won't hurt." But now I honestly do feel (most days) that maybe this is exactly where we're supposed to be.

You know? I think part of this attitude Im experience is this. I think honestly if I didnt "want it" maybe, it will make getting through the holidays easier? lol

I agree with the rest of you, TTTC really does make you stop and think about things. I never thought I could get to this place, but 2.5 years is a long time. I dont think Im ready to move on from having children, but maybe just not want it for the time being right now..if that makes sense?

Absolutely. And it can be a temporary thing. It could be your intuition telling you that you need a break. No one would fault you for taking a rest, whether it be for one cycle or for one year or even deciding you'd be okay as a family of two.

OnTheLanai

brookelynpaisley:

OnTheLanai:

brookelynpaisley:

I've totally been there. In many ways, I still am. TTTC made us really take a good hard look at some things, and we realized that it's all kind of scary. I don't think the average couple would change their minds, but 3T served to give us the time to appreciate aspects of a childfree life.

At first I thought it was self-preservation: "if I don't want it so much and I don't get it, it won't hurt." But now I honestly do feel (most days) that maybe this is exactly where we're supposed to be.

You know? I think part of this attitude Im experience is this. I think honestly if I didnt "want it" maybe, it will make getting through the holidays easier? lol

I agree with the rest of you, TTTC really does make you stop and think about things. I never thought I could get to this place, but 2.5 years is a long time. I dont think Im ready to move on from having children, but maybe just not want it for the time being right now..if that makes sense?

Absolutely. And it can be a temporary thing. It could be your intuition telling you that you need a break. No one would fault you for taking a rest, whether it be for one cycle or for one year or even deciding you'd be okay as a family of two.

Thank you for that! I do feel a sense of relief. Something I haven't felt in a VERY long time! 

siple1am

I have been having the same feelings. I am so glad I am not alone. Sometimes, it just feels like too much. I think if nothing has happened by January, we will be taking a break.

tombomb84

Right after my c/p I felt like I couldn't wait for the next cycle to come so that we could try again for our sticky baby.  A few days later DH told me that he felt that we needed to take a break from treatments due to financial reasons.  For the first few days after we decided to take a break I was completely devastated.  Since then though I have felt like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  I actually feel relieved not to be trying right now and I feel the best I have since we started seeing the RE in May.

 I think sometimes the pressure, constant appointments, needles, meds and the emotional roller coaster can just be too much for someone to handle month after month.  If you feel like you need a longer break, then do yourself a favor and take it!   

bumpuser6119831

Truthfully, I was scared out of my mind about having children and how everything would work (financially and sleeping wise) until I got the BFN on our first IVF. Since then, I have finally relaxed and am emotionally ready to be a parent if it happens.

BabyDreams711

I have had those moments, too. When I was on BC and knew I was not going to get PG in those few months I was so frustrated and tired of feeling bad all the time. The thoughts of maybe this is a lot to go through to get PG kept creeping in. All my time is wrapped up in thinking about TTC, and not thinking about actually being PG then a parent. 

hunterjumper102

I think as everyone else said that it is completely normal to feel that way and to act on the feeling by taking a break.  I can say that for my DH and I after 2 years of TTC I need a break from TTC even if its just for a month after a couple of cycles.  Taking a break helps me not let TTC take over my entire life.  I have to step back and realize that even though I want a child right now, I am young and have the ability to wait until I am fully ready to try again.  I often time think about wether I am rally ready for a baby, most of the time its when DH and I have been fighting.  DH is the same way, if we are out in public and see and especially annoying child he will turn to me and ask "are you sure you want one of those?" my response is always "not that one".  So in short if you need a break until you feel ready again, take it.  No one will judge you as wanting a baby less for doing it.

OnTheLanai

Im relieved to see that Im not the only one that experiences these things.

I know I want to be a mother, I just think I need to fully remove myself emotionally(well as much as possible) from TTC and IF. From all the stress and pressure of it. From the diagnosises and the tests. The needles and the ultrasounds. 

I havent been able to actually try in months, but all this time Ive been obsessing and stressing. Its time to reclaim my life!