Bad days in school....fresh out of ideas

~appletini~

So....I guess I'm the mother of a spirited child....he's normally very well behaved, besides the normal 5 year old boy things, and has had many, many good days in kindergarten.  But he has also had a few bad days, and I am fresh out of ideas on how to deal with it.

 Today's note said "he had trouble controlling himself and made inappropriate noises."  Yeah, trust me, I know.  I have grounded, taken away toys, taken away outings, sent to bed early.......it works....for awhile.  Then he has these days.

I'm dreading Monday, as it's parent teacher conferences, and the few conversations I have had with the teacher have gone okay, but she seems to always have something negative to say.  He is doing very well academically, participates, knows the answers....but doesn't always listen, or do what he's told. I hate the "hard time controlling himself" comments because I don't really know what that means, out of control, yelling, screaming, what?

We talked tonight, I told him it's his job to behave at school and that he is in control of his behavior.  I have encouraged him to be kind, helpful and listen.  He seems to listen.....for awhile.  Then we are back to this....it's a vicious cycle.  Some of this is normal boy behavior and I witnessed the other boys in the class during the Halloween party, they all act the same...running around, yelling, making fart noises, not that I am saying that makes it okay, but you know....

So, now that I have rambled, does anyone have new perspective, ideas on how to deal with this?  Because I sound like a broken record, and not sure how else to get through to him.

Ciarrai

Have you tried rewards? Five great days (days on green, smily faces, whatever) in a row and he gets a little reward? 6 straight weeks or whatever and he gets a big something?

Addicted2thenot

I could have written this post about my kindergardener today. 

I understand where you are coming from and just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. 

My Jake's biggest problem is not listening

I think all we can do is keep reinforcing the rules & hope that someday soon they catch on :O) 

Oh & DRINK!

~appletini~

Yes, we have.  It worked for awhile but like I said always slipped back into bad days.  You know, I'm probably overreacting because it's only been a few pink note days, but I do struggle with him listening at home so I'm trying to work on that, to avoid future issues as academics progress and do not want future issues. He gets $5.00 a week for small chores around house and cleaning up toys and what not, and I have even taken that away when the pink notes come home, and while he hates it, it hasn't been enough to stop it.  It has been a few weeks since he got a note sent home though, until today.

Addicted2thenot

Ciarrai:

Have you tried rewards? Five great days (days on green, smily faces, whatever) in a row and he gets a little reward? 6 straight weeks or whatever and he gets a big something?

Oh A reward chart 

I did that in PK3 & it worked like a charm 

I am going to try that thanks

shopgirl78

We are also there 4 year old though- PreK3 (public).  DS1 had a very rough start and then a GREAT month and a half until his teacher had to be out for one week (family death) and then the para was out (and when they are out they dont get subs in this district) add to that the para is only in the classroom part-time and my son and two of his daycare buddies are in class together.  His behavior went down South for a while again.   He and his friends are very comfortable with each other and tend to rough-house a lot.  I know, I voluteered in the class on Tuesday (friend was in trouble)  but ds1 was so happy I was there the boy didn't matter.  He's actually gotten smiley's for the last 3 days in a row (God, please let us be on an upswing).

Some things we do:

Read the teacher's note together and talk about what he could have done better. 

I got a copy of the class schedule and we review it.

I got DS1 a second "job" after recess when he seems to have the most trouble.

I talk, talk, talk about classroom acceptable behavior until I am BLUE in the face.

We started a reward chart.  DS1 wants a bumblebee transformer.  One he fills his sticker chart (4 weeks) worth, its his.   

I try to keep things calm in the AM--I noticed if he is in trouble with me in the AM it carries over to school.  I try to be more relaxed/patient even if he is moving super slowwwwwwww.

I make sure he is set up for success with everything he needs (extra clothes, water bottle, etc) 

I volunteer in the classroom (twice though).   

The teacher and I conference 3x to discuss him and what motivates him.

Some of the things DS1 gets in trouble for I think are normal 4 year old boy stuff but its hard for the teacher to control when she is by herself and its unacceptable in a classroom and I know they are trying to mold him for the future classrooms...

 

mommyof4boys

I'm going in a different direction.  Is this is first school experience or has he had preschool?  Is he getting used to what to do in a school environment?  I had a friend whose children were having difficult year when they were in kindergarten.  It was their first time in a school environment.  They took a bit longer to understand what they should have done.

Although kids should be behaving well, we know they can have their moments.  I would ask the teacher to try a different behavior approach.  Have him "catch" him behaving well and reward that.  I found with some of my harder kids *even my own some times* if I rewarded for good behavior more than focusing on the negative, I saw more positive results.  

~appletini~

Thanks everyone...I agree, some of it is normal behavior but not something the teacher should have to deal with.

No, it's not his first ineraction with school....he had a year of preschool and has been in daycare since age 2.  He does well with adjusting to new routines, new classes, new kids and teachers, but he is just always on the go...he hardly sits still, very active, very aware of what is going on around him (nosey).  He is smart, has no issue with the class work and is doing well in that regard. I just want to nip this in the bud if possible, I don't want a larger problem next year.

peekaboo716

Oh, I can write this word for word. It's so frustrating. We had the Sam conversation with DS's teacher at his conference. We had a long discussion with DS, calmly telling him three things to focus on - not talking while the teacher is, listening, and following directions. I haven't seen a drastic change yet, but we aren't getting great communications from his teacher on his progress. We are trying to have him model the behaviour at home hoping that will spill over into the classroom. It makes me sad. I just wish I could help him more.

~appletini~

Specific things to focus on is a great idea! I always say it's your job to behave, and while that sounds specific, he's five.  It's a lot to understand.  Maybe I need to try the focus on listening, doing what the teacher asks, be respectful....maybe one specific thing a week and a reward if he does that all week?  He could learn well from being more specific!   Thanks!

UGAbride

I'm glad to hear my DS is not the only like this.  He's in pre-K (actually his 4th year of preschool), and he's always had some issues with listening, keeping his hands to himself.  I'm worried about kindergarten, honestly.  Even just riding the bus, I'm afraid he won't sit still and will constantly be in trouble.  He just gets so riled up, especially around bigger kids.  I am going to try the reward chart next, I think he truly just doesn't "get" how to interact sometimes, and other times it's a matter of lack of self-control.  I so badly want him to just be happy and not struggle!

shouldbworkin

Ditto everything Auntie said.  This was DS last year and a few things I learned:

-volunteer in his class often so you can get a real feel for what is going on there.  After a few times you'll really start to see what is and isn't normal and if the teacher has unrealistic expectations of all of the kids or just yours.

- reward good behavior, discuss bad behavior.  Try to stay away from saying things like "what did you do?"  And, focus on how he felt.  Maybe he's frustrated, bored, or feels like he can't control what you're all asking him to.

- See if the teacher is agreeable to a reward system in the class to try to get her, your DC and the other kids to focus on what your DC is doing right, not wrong.  It really does a lot to help a child who may start feeling like they only do wrong, so why bother trying to do right.  And, it helps the other kids recognize them doing good things vs. pointing out when they do the bad (KGers love to tattle on each other).

- Start a "positive ad campaign" about good behavior in school.  Tell your DC that you know he is a great listener, a hard worker and likes to do the right thing.  Over and over again every day before he goes to school and when he gets home.  We did this with listening at home and my kids would look at me, tell me they are not the best listeners in the world and then go and do exactly what I asked them to do.  It's like magic!