Non baby related question — The Bump
Military Families

Non baby related question

Hi ladies. Here's the back story before I start venting:

DH was supposed to deploy. Then he was put on limited duty and was told he couldn't deploy because of his bad shoulder and was told his surgery is scheduled for Dec. 14th. (Which made me excited since he'd be around for the birth!) His battalion even switched him to a different company that would only deploy if back-up was needed. His unit recently went to their field op for the upcoming deployment. And today his chain of command told him that he'll most likely be sent to the field op and then deploy! He called me very upset since he doesn't feel like he could properly back-up his guys while overseas. He went from upset to PISSED explaining everything they told him. He even spoke of going UA to make sure he wouldn't go to the field op; but I started talking him out of that since it's stupid to run away from something. And now I'm really upset since I had already it set in my mind that I'd be able to see him throughout this pregnancy. I mean, he had the papers from his doctor and his therapist both stating that he couldn't do any regular duty!!  

My question is: can his chain of commend go against his light duty orders and make him train for an upcoming deployment then deploy? Is there anything he can do to override what his chain of command is doing?

I'm a new military wife, and still getting the hang of what can and can't be done so I apologize in advance if my question/rant is ridiculous.

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Re: Non baby related question

  • I would say that your husband needs to talk to his dr. again and get them to talk to his chain of command.  They shouldn't be able to go against the dr.s orders.  If his dr. doesn't want to get involved he can go the the Inspecting General who should be able to override them since he already has the orders for light duty.  (This is according to MH, so I hope it helps).

    Also, I'm going to give you a little advice that I wish I would have learned way earlier then I did.  Learn to be disappointed sometimes.  It's going to happen.  I've learned to never count on anything until it actually happens.  This includes deployments and any orders he's supposed to be getting.  If you don't make plans, they can't be ruined.

    Hope this helps!!  Welcome to the military life!

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  • Totally agree with what Blue angel said. He should def go see his doc again. I am mostly familiar with Navy, but as far as I know (I was in and did 6yrs) they cant. So its going to be to the point where he has to talk to his doc again and have them take it up with his chain.
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  • I learned a lot over his last deployment but since we're married and expecting this go-round, it's so different. I'll pass the message along. Thank you so much ladies! I was sure they couldn't just go send him because "they said so."
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  • It depends on what his limitations say. He'll have to read his medical profile. He may be able to train and not deploy, he may be able to do both.

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    CJ 05/29/2013

  • Situations like this suck, but the only thing you can really count on in the military is to expect the unexpected. Your DH has a right to be upset, but he shouldn't be threatening to go UA. That shows a complete lack of maturity, IMO. I'm sure he was just angry, but come on. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I know how much it sucks when these things are sprung on you with little notice.
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  • It does completely depend on what his profile says.  I'm Army, so I don't know if you are a different branch or not.  If you are Army and his profile is a T3 or P3, he can't deploy period.  What else does his light duty profile say?  Can he carry a weapon?  Can he perform the duties required of him?  What about his surgery?  I have heard of surgeries getting rescheduled so soldiers can go out to the field.  My suggestion- get involved.  ONe thing I have learned from being in the military and then being a military wife- Commanders hate dealing with the wives!!!!  Because, they can't treat them badly and they can't piss them off.  And they can't take it out on your husband if you do something- it's illegal.  You can also file an IG complaint.  Again- I don't know what branch your husband is in, so all these things could have a totally different name in another branch.  There are resources out there for you.
  • Sorry, just saw USMC there, so now I know what branch.  You are dealing with the Navy medical personnel.  The Navy and Marines are a whole different ball game to me.  But- talk to the doctors, talk to any legal personnel, go talk to the commander.  Tell him your worries for your husband.  Again, get involved, speak up.
  • The dr. can try talking to his chain, but his Commander can do whatever he wants. A profile is a suggestion.  It becomes a lawful order when his commander, not his doctor signs it.  So, his commander can ignore it, or modify it as he sees fit.  Hope this works out for you!
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  • imagecowgirltu:
    The dr. can try talking to his chain, but his Commander can do whatever he wants. A profile is a suggestion.  It becomes a lawful order when his commander, not his doctor signs it.  So, his commander can ignore it, or modify it as he sees fit.  Hope this works out for you!

    Um this is completley wrong and if someone's commander is doing this they need to be reported because it could seriously hurt a Soldier.

    And to the PP who suggested the OP call her H's commander, don't do that. This is an issue between him and your husband. Be there to support your husband, don't be that wife.

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    CJ 05/29/2013

  • Seriously? Calling his commander? That's like having your mommy call your college professor to tell him that you are sick. You husband is a big boy, this is his job, he needs to take care of his own business. Support your husband, but stay out of it.
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  • I know you guys say that.  But, I have had to do it.  I always do it with my DHs permission, and he is a senior NCO.  I also have a co-worker whose DH is also a senior NCO tell me that she has had to do the same for her DH.  It is nothing against the DH, the reasoning behind it is that sometimes the DH hands are tied, but if we as the wife get involved- then the CO has to take action.  I am fully supporting my DH and he thanks me when I get involved.  I have also encouraged other women to get involved when their DH were getting screwed over the the COC and they have thanked me for the advice and how quickly results happened.  I served in the Army and saw how this worked.  So I know how effective it is.  You may think it's getting mommy involved- but you also may never have dealt with a POS COC.  I don't feel sitting by watching my DH get screwed over and doing absolutely nothing but patting his back as support.  I will fight for my DH no matter what it takes.  I never step on his toes and I will only do it with his knowledge and permission.  So you may say I'm being THAT wife, but I am THAT wife who stand BESIDE her DH and fights WITH him.  I will never stand behind while he is getting screwed.
  • Sorry if that last post offends anyone.  I'm a little more touchy lately and getting super defensive.  When I was in the military, my DH had to step in a few times against my COC because they were doing some pretty jacked up stuff and I couldn't fight back due to repercussions.  I never had to do it with my DH until we got to this current duty station and his current COC.  See, if a COC does something jacked up and the soldier stands up- they can take it out on him.  They have their little good ol boy club and can do squirrelly stuff the penalize the soldier.  But, if the wife steps in- they can't do anything to the wife and they can't do anything to the soldier.  I don't bug the CO.  I only do so when something wrong is happening and nobody is doing the right thing.  I do it when going through all the proper channels does not work.  And if you have never had to do this, if your DH has always encountered good units, then you are extremely fortunate.
  • Katieboo you're wrong. I've got 7 years in. I've had shiity leaders and great leaders. It they are doing something that isn't right, it needs to be reported up the chain of command not handled by a wife.  My husband and I are even in the same company and I never would call our commander or 1SG to tell them they were screwing him. I also have worked for the IG and we get calls from those commanders and often times we back them or tell them what they need to do to handle a situation when someone's spouse calls. We also have spouses call here and it's completely rude, and they often don't get the answer they want because we go based on fact and most things we'll only discuss with the service member.

     

    ETA - And furthermore the fact that a senior NCO not only needs his wife to fight his battles but encourages the same behavior to his Soldiers is absolutley absurd and completely unprofessional.

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    CJ 05/29/2013

  • Do not contact your H's COC.  I'm also prior service with 6 years under my belt.  Anyone who has to have their wife or husband take care of their buisness does not deserve any rank above E-3.  Like BLT said, that is absolutely absurd and unprofessional. 

    My 1SGT had an E-2's wife come to him biitching about an issue she had with our training schedule.  You better believe that was written up in a couseling statement that will follow him for quite some time.  You can also believe he won't be put into any position of leadership while he is in that unit. 

    OP, let your H handle it.  I understand your H being upset about the situation, but running away is not the way to go.  He needs to talk to his doctor.  Then, he needs to go up his COC. 

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  • imagekatieboo82:
    Sorry if that last post offends anyone.  I'm a little more touchy lately and getting super defensive.  When I was in the military, my DH had to step in a few times against my COC because they were doing some pretty jacked up stuff and I couldn't fight back due to repercussions.  I never had to do it with my DH until we got to this current duty station and his current COC.  See, if a COC does something jacked up and the soldier stands up- they can take it out on him.  They have their little good ol boy club and can do squirrelly stuff the penalize the soldier.  But, if the wife steps in- they can't do anything to the wife and they can't do anything to the soldier.  I don't bug the CO.  I only do so when something wrong is happening and nobody is doing the right thing.  I do it when going through all the proper channels does not work.  And if you have never had to do this, if your DH has always encountered good units, then you are extremely fortunate.

    This is such BS.  I'm not sure whether to laugh or roll my eyes.  Are you seriously naive enough to think that just because a soldier has his wife go and make a stink that it can't hurt his career?  Or that he can't be underhandedly penalized?  Bullcrap.  If the COC is crappy enough to punish a soldier for rightfully standing up for himself (in a situation that fairly requires that action) then he is crappy enough to treat a soldier differently when the wifey comes in.  You are right, he will probably be polite to the wife to her face, but I'm sure he isn't thinking "wow, I now see the error of my ways now that so-and-so's wife has come in and put me in my place".  Puh-lease.

    A spouse going to the COC makes zero sense.  Just like having my DH go to my boss in the civilian world makes zero sense.  My job - my resposibility.  I would be MORITIFED if my husband went to my boss to complain about what was happening to me.  I don't need him bullying into their offices to "have my back"... that is MY job.  He can support me in a zillion different ways, but to have a spouse go and put a superior in their place because they are somehow immune to backlash is entirely unprofessional.

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  • One thing I've noticed is the Military is notoriouse for changing their minds without telling anyone. so this is not very surprising, my husband has been told one thing one day then told the opposite the next and never really knows what the hell is going on and get's furiouse. I agree with the others have him talk to his Doc and also i suggest he talk to chain of command and have them look at the letter from doc and have him ask them to explain why it's changed but warn him not to lose his cool with command. and definatly keep discouraging him from going UA trust me it won't ever be worth the consaquences. hope things get sorted out for you guys.
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