normal for four year old, and daycare/preK issue? what would you do?
Our daughter has been very strong-willed since birth, but always kind and well-behaved, too (she's been in daycare for three years, and we're always told how well-behaved she is, etc). Lately, though, (and since we switched schools-she goes to PreK/daycare part time, as she did last year-we switch b/c we witnessed borderline abusive/neglectful behavior in her brother's infant room at the last school, so we moved both kids), she has become very "fresh" and when she throws tantrums, she says things like "I'm going to throw you in jail!" or "you can't be my friend" or "I don't like you!". She's also having more nightmares about "people thowing fire at me." She's often telling us that some child or other "would't play with me" or that she's observed other people being "mean" to one another. I have had endless conversations about how everyone should be nice to one another, to treat friends how you want to be treated, and how to handle things when someone upsets you, as well as firmly and consistently addressed negative behavior I've seen in her. But it's not seeming to work. She doesn't see any TV or movies outside of one or two shows on Noggin a day (I don't think Max and Ruby throw fire at each other), nor do my husband and I even have any tv-news or otherwise, on around her. She's not exposed to any violent behavior at home (except her one year old brother throwing the occasional block!)
Now, she turned four the same time she switched to this school. She likes going to this school, and when I "spy" she seems to be having a blast. We didn't switch lightly--did a lot of observing and got a number of references plus liking our "gut" feeling about the place. She's there part time, and none of our family dynamics have changed since she's started there. Yesterday, I voiced my concerns to the teacher--diplomatically, as I didn't want her to think I was criticizing her, but I wanted to know whether this was common in the classroom (violent discussions/play between the kids, lots of tantrums, kids excluding other kids, etc.), and she went on the attack, telling me that it was our child who was mostly engaged in excluding kids, etc. She deflected my questions about the violent behavior--which I've witnessed myself. There are children with developmental and other disabilities in her class who do get violent, and allowances are made for that, which is a whole other issue--how do you explain to a four year old that it's okay for the autistic child in the class to throw things at other kids but you can't? --I don't think that's a fair environment for either the autistic child or the other children).
I know everyone thinks their child is best, but honestly, every day when we ask for specifics about our daughter's behavior, and read her daily sheets, etc., we're told she had a great day, played nicely, etc. I've noticed otherwise at home lately, which is why I brought it up. What conclusion would you reach? She's four, and it's par for the course to pick up negative behavior and run with it, that's there's something wrong with this class, or a combination of both?
Sorry for the long post, but I'm so upset over this. I'm pissed that, even if true (and I honestly don't think it is--why would she become a very different child, coincidentally, at the same time she switched to a new school?), why were we lied to? Is this just an age thing (the "fresh", tantrum frequent behavior)? How do I address it with the school, when her "teacher" (who our daughter really seems to like, and we did before yesterday) isn't being honest (either she's lying about the nature of the classroom,, our daugher's behavior, or she's been lying to us every day for three months about our daughter's supposed happy days).
I'll appreciate your input on any of these points! Thank you!
Re: normal for four year old, and daycare/preK issue? what would you do?
It could be the kids at the new school. We moved from Jersey City to Red Bank and saw a huge difference in behavior. The kids down the shore were much more catty. We had issue with our first daycare choice and we moved her the next year. We still had some problems but not like at the first daycare.
We just had to be on top of it all the time. Good luck!