More than I can bear....

pinstripechik

It's official this is not a viable pregnancy.  HCG was 116 today, essentially no change.  I have been taken off the endometrin.  The doctor wants me to get another beta Friday to determine if my numbers decrease, have plateaued or still are slow rising.  He suspects that it may be ectopic, but he wants to do another u/s to ensure that the blip he saw on 11/8 is not the gestational sac.  If it doesn't pass naturally or is ectopic, I can get a shot to induce m/c.  If it's ectopic, there is a possibility that I will have to undergo surgery to remove the non-viable pregnancy and possibly my tube. (Like I need something else to cut my fertility chances even more)DH & I were discussing today and are contemplating to discontinue TTC.  It's been nearly 3 years and this has been mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing on me.  I know that there are women in the world (and some on this board) that have been going through this for many more years than me and my nearly three years is a mere drop in the bucket.   However, I work as a child protective services worker and day in/out I see children mistreated, abused, abandoned, tortured, and born drug addicted.  I have seen a woman give birth to eight children, all born crack addicted.  CPS has taken all of her children, yet she continues to have children.  I have seen parents purposely burn a two year old for crying.  Dealing with my own fertility issues and seeing this daily is TOO MUCH on my psyche and makes nearly three years feel never ending.  This is more than I can bear.  

lilylow

::hugs::

I'm sure that whatever decision you and your H come to it will be for the best whether your continue to try or do not.

If you need anything don't hesitate to ask.

mcginnie86

I am so sorry. It doesn't seem fair that those women have successful pregnancies when you are so much more suitable to be a mother. I'm sure this is something you've already thought about, but maybe you are meant to take in some of those children someday. I will pray for peace and strength for you and DH. 

DowagerCountessofNJ

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Keisha061111

I'm so sorry