The end of the road

irishfrenchgirl

We have been TTC for over 2 years. We were in our mid thirties and knew it was time. After one year of TTC and no baby arrived, I knew it was time to seek help. The last year has been spent at the doctor trying to figure out what the issue is, having test after test, clomid, injections and 2 failed IUI's. They found nothing wrong so the IUI's should have worked, they were textbook. Unfortunately here we are...no baby, recovering a bit financially and hurt. 

Before this journey we had many talks and decided how far we would go.   It was hard to even think at the time that we would actually get to the end of the road. But never the less we decided that we would go as far as IUI and that is it.  Infertility treatments are not covered by insurance and we do not have a ton of expendable cash.  I am a third grade teacher and Matt works for Lowe's. In our opinion it would not be a good choice to put ourselves into debt to have a baby and then BE in debt with a baby to support. IUI would be the last stop.  Adoption is equally expensive and is not the right choice for us.  We want our own child. Please understand that us not wanting to adopt does not mean we think it is a bad thing to do...we have friends who have adopted and we are thrilled for them. It is just not what we want. 

So long story short, we are not pregnant. We are very sad. I am very angry.  Matt is dealing with it better than I am. Unexplained infertility...so what now?   How do I live with this? We cannot afford any of the next steps! Please...I don't know what to do or how to make this better.  I just want to wake up and be happy with what we have.  A home. Two dogs. Each other.  How?  How can I live with this?  

Mrs.McIrish

Hi there,

I have not introduced myself officially on this board yet but I am in a similar boat except that I am not unexplained. I am very DOR and just failed my second and likely last IVF this week.  I only make 2 eggs on max drugs and there's just nothing that can be done for me at this point. I honestly do not know what to do with myself now and how to pick up the pieces.  I'm taking a break until January to clear my body of all the hormones that I am flooded with and am hoping I get some sense of clarity about being child-free or if we want to/are able to do DE (DH does not want to and I am mixed-up about it.  I just don't know).  I have no answers and just wanted to share with you that you are not alone. I want to be happy again too. I'm just trying to get through the days right now since the wounds are too fresh.

DKC1308

Hello,

I am sorry you are joining us. To keep mine simple... I am infertile due to cancer treatments, broke from said treatments and student loans. We just found out in May and are still adjusting. 

We decided to focus on the positives. Planning vacations we never could have taken before, finding new hobbies we enjoy together, and building up a nice savings account to one day have a vacation home.

You can focus on all the things you'll never have or be. Or you can see what else there is. I am just now starting to see what else my life has to offer.

 

irishfrenchgirl

Thank you so much for your reply.  I have been feeling so lost and alone lately.  Hopefully after your treatments you are (besides the infertility) healthy. Cancer is a horrible and devastating disease.  Finding things that life has to offer is something Matt keeps reminding me of.  Having him in my life is one of the tings that keeps me from (excuse my language...there is no other way to put this) losing my sh*t.  I have been crafting up a storm and have discovered a love for painting.  That is also saving me.  This new journey is day by day and often moment by moment.  In the end...what will be will be.  Thanks again.

irishfrenchgirl

ohhhhhh the hormones!  This is my first cycle without them and am not missing the side effects.  I do understand the confusion in the next steps.  Our decision was not easy and it is still something that I struggle with daily.  Thank you for the message.  We all are trying to find happiness again.  It will come in time...for all of us.  In the mean time, laugh, hug people lots, cry if you need to and find something to keep you busy. It helps...

MandyBrownNoser

irishfrenchgirl:

Thank you so much for your reply.  I have been feeling so lost and alone lately.  Hopefully after your treatments you are (besides the infertility) healthy. Cancer is a horrible and devastating disease.  Finding things that life has to offer is something Matt keeps reminding me of.  Having him in my life is one of the tings that keeps me from (excuse my language...there is no other way to put this) losing my sh*t.  I have been crafting up a storm and have discovered a love for painting.  That is also saving me.  This new journey is day by day and often moment by moment.  In the end...what will be will be.  Thanks again.

Welcome. This is random but look into getting "The Artist's Way" workbook. I've had it for years and just recently picked it back up. It has been rather cathartic in dealing with IF issues that I haven't even allowed myself to think of in years because it just sucks too much. Getting it out in my own way has been very beneficial. 

irishfrenchgirl

Thanks...I will look into that!!

MrDobalina

Hi, welcome.

 

Wine is my good friend right now.