A Little Sobering Surprise on Halloween — The Bump
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A Little Sobering Surprise on Halloween

So I was surfing FB enjoying everyone's Halloween pictures when I got into a chat with an OOT friend of mine. I had noticed she had been awfully quiet lately and usually she is burning up my feed around Halloween because she's Wiccan and Halloween is a big, big, big deal for her. So I messaged her and learned she and her H (another friend of mine) are divorcing. After 16 years of marriage and two children. 

I am so surprised and saddened. It's a huge surprise to me because these two have always been very affectionate, intimate, loving, accepting of each other, etc. I am not sure what happened but it was a sobering reminder to me that 1) we never really know what's going on in someone else's marriage - even if we know the people well we are always just spectators, and 2) no matter how good things are you have to work to keep them that way.

Marriage is tough. I am sad for my friends.  

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Re: A Little Sobering Surprise on Halloween

  • How awful for everyone involved :( I'll keep the family in my thoughts and prayers that everything will turn out to be as civil as possible
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  • How awful.

    Everything you said is true though, you just never know what's going on in someone else's life.  And, I never believed it until I was there, but marriage is TOUGH!  We had been together for 6 years and lived together for 4 before we got married, we have hit some VERY rough patches after we got married (never had any issues prior).  I thank god every single day that we have fallen more in love than we've ever been Big Smile

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  • I posted a whole spiel about relationships and life and it ate it, will post later when I have time to post it all again!  Hang in there!
    DH - 42 Me - 36 DS1 -15 DS2 - 3 DD - 1
  • Oh dear.  That is incredibly sad.  You really don't know what's going on with other people, do you?

    Last year I witnessed a couple with whom I've been friends since college who were married 9 years split up and subsequently divorce. There were no kids which is good but it doesn't diminish the sadness of the situation.  I'm still friends with both of them (and they are still friends) but I miss them as a couple all the time.

  • Some are just really good at hiding it.

    After H's affair, my parents told me that they had no idea that things were so bad between us. They didn't know we were having problems. I didn't want to tell them what was going on because I felt that my marriage problems were for me and H to deal with. After the affair though, I stopped being quiet about it and have found a lot of support to help me through the divorce.

  • I definitely agree with you about #1. I think most people would be shocked to see behind closed doors of other people's family lives. I have seen it happen a few times as well with friends and marriages as well as drugs and abuse. Some people are really good at putting on a good show.
  • It doesn't matter what things look like on the outside, how well you know a couple or family.  Ultimately the only thing you know and see is what they show or want you to see.  If there is anything I have learned it is that no matter how secure you feel in a  relationship regardless of marital status; if you do not work on it continually the relationship will stagnate and deteriorate at the first sign of distraction or crisis.  there is no such thing as coasting through life, that is only  a half life lived.  To truly live and make relationships work we must be continually working and overcoming crisis however big or small.
    DH - 42 Me - 36 DS1 -15 DS2 - 3 DD - 1
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