help to get my kindergartner excited!?

ChristinaBargholz

I have a 5 year old son and we just found out today that we are expecting a girl! My husband and I are totally pumped about having another child... and my son is also very excited but I want him to really understand what it is going to be like when the baby comes. Does anyone know of any good literature or activities to do that will get him more involved and help him have a better understanding of what to expect??? Or maybe important points to talk to him about???

DandRAgain

honestly...he's not going to "really understand what its is going to be like when the baby comes" until the baby comes.  And really, neither are you...besides the basics of what having a newborn are like.

I don't know that I'd focus too much on it until a lot closer, besides talking here and there when you have  appts or whatever.  Then when the baby comes, I think the most important thing is to let him help so he feels a part of it and not left out.  So he can read a book to the baby, or get a burp rag  or help you burp the baby, maybe pick the outfit the baby wears, or sleeper the baby will wear to bed, whatever. 

Does he play well independently?  If not, I'd work on that.  Get him so he can sit down with a few toys without you needing to help..you know?  So that if you are feeding the baby you can say "go get your Legos and bring them out here, ok?" or whatever.

Skip the books about jealousy....he may not be jealous.  People assume every kid is going to be jealous of the new baby, but mine never were (but mine were also closer in age..so who knows, I could be giving bad advice for the age difference!  Sorry!)

 

ChristinaBargholz

Ya... My son doesn't have problems with sharing or being jealous. I'm more interested in things that other people have found helpful to do or things they thought would be good to talk about with them that they didn't at the time. Thanks though!

neverblushed

My DD was 4 when my son was born.  It was a bittersweet kind of thing, because she was old enough to really "get it" that her life was going to majorly change once she was sharing the spotlight with a baby -- she was not really happy about it!  On the other hand, unlike parents who have a 2 year spread between kids, you can really explain and reason with an older kid, and this helps a lot.

We read a lot of books about the topic, but the best thing by far was the Sesame Street video "Three Bears And A New Baby."  Baby Bear is written to represent a typical 5 year old.  So the kinds of things he experiences (while Mama Bear is hugely pregnant and preoccupied, to being with a babysitter when his parents go to the hospital, to his pride at being a big brother -- he names the new baby, to his frustration with the baby's crying and his parents' lack of time for him) are all pretty typical of an older child's reactions to a new baby.  It's a good balance between touching and funny, and more appropriate for an older kid than it would be for a toddler.  Papa Bear sings a song at the end where he explains to Baby Bear that he loves both his children equally -- just in different ways.  He sings, "cuddly and small love, helpful and tall love, everyone loves through all their days. Different people; different ways!"  I still get tears in my eyes when I think of this song -- it's such a beautiful description of what it's like to be a parent to two kids!

The other really helpful thing was signing DD up for a "New Sibling Class" at the hospital.  It was really fun.  She got to tour the hospital, learn how to swaddle a baby (doll), and talk with the nurse and other kids about what it would be like when the baby was born. Well worth the $40 admission.

Last of all, don't force your older child to feel excited about the baby.  Don't make him feel bad if he expresses doubts, fears, and negativity about this big change -- even if these ideas really pull at your heartstrings and make you feel guilty!  Validate his feelings and reassure him that it IS a big change, for all of you.  There WILL be ups and downs, and it WILL be an adjustment that takes time.  Allow him to grieve for his old way of life which, through no decision of his own, is going to disappear.  Don't force him to "love" the new baby.  Allow him to feel whatever he feels about the baby.  He will probably experience a range of emotions about the baby, from pride to sadness to annoyance to happiness.  Don't force him to declare his "love" for the baby.  It'll happen eventually, even though there's a bit of an age spread between them. 

ChristinaBargholz

neverblushed:

My DD was 4 when my son was born.  It was a bittersweet kind of thing, because she was old enough to really "get it" that her life was going to majorly change once she was sharing the spotlight with a baby -- she was not really happy about it!  On the other hand, unlike parents who have a 2 year spread between kids, you can really explain and reason with an older kid, and this helps a lot.

We read a lot of books about the topic, but the best thing by far was the Sesame Street video "Three Bears And A New Baby."  Baby Bear is written to represent a typical 5 year old.  So the kinds of things he experiences (while Mama Bear is hugely pregnant and preoccupied, to being with a babysitter when his parents go to the hospital, to his pride at being a big brother -- he names the new baby, to his frustration with the baby's crying and his parents' lack of time for him) are all pretty typical of an older child's reactions to a new baby.  It's a good balance between touching and funny, and more appropriate for an older kid than it would be for a toddler.  Papa Bear sings a song at the end where he explains to Baby Bear that he loves both his children equally -- just in different ways.  He sings, "cuddly and small love, helpful and tall love, everyone loves through all their days. Different people; different ways!"  I still get tears in my eyes when I think of this song -- it's such a beautiful description of what it's like to be a parent to two kids!

The other really helpful thing was signing DD up for a "New Sibling Class" at the hospital.  It was really fun.  She got to tour the hospital, learn how to swaddle a baby (doll), and talk with the nurse and other kids about what it would be like when the baby was born. Well worth the $40 admission.

Last of all, don't force your older child to feel excited about the baby.  Don't make him feel bad if he expresses doubts, fears, and negativity about this big change -- even if these ideas really pull at your heartstrings and make you feel guilty!  Validate his feelings and reassure him that it IS a big change, for all of you.  There WILL be ups and downs, and it WILL be an adjustment that takes time.  Allow him to grieve for his old way of life which, through no decision of his own, is going to disappear.  Don't force him to "love" the new baby.  Allow him to feel whatever he feels about the baby.  He will probably experience a range of emotions about the baby, from pride to sadness to annoyance to happiness.  Don't force him to declare his "love" for the baby.  It'll happen eventually, even though there's a bit of an age spread between them. 

This is such amazing advice! I am def going to hunt down that episode! And I would have never thought to ask the hospital about a class for him! My husband and I are very close to our son and I think it is hard for us knowing that he is going to feel all these emotions (the negative ones). Thank you so much for sharing your words of wisdom!!! I really appreciate it!

DandelionMom

Ditto the suggestion to find a sibling class at the hospital.  DDs really liked those. 

I highly recommend the book Siblings without rivalry for you. 

Good Luck! 

Novas Mommy

I was also going to suggest the sibiling class. I bought my daughter some books about what to expect. She's involved in the prep for baby (buying things, organizing things, cleaning things, etc.). I answer all of her questions honestly and i ask her what she's planning on doing when the baby comes. She's pretty excited!

mrswright2006

There is a Froggy book about the Froggy having a baby sister.  DD really liked it, and it wasn't about jealousy.  Froggy was excited about a brother,but gets a sister. Then he is excited to play with his sister, but has to wait until she gets big enough. 

Otherwise, we just talked A LOT about what was going to happen when DS was born.  How she could help out by getting diapers, picking out clothing, entertaining brother, and just by listening.

DD was 4 when he was born, and she LOVES being a big sister.  The biggest issue is that she misses being the center of attention all the time, and that leads to more tantrums, but that is to be expected. 

1CINCYGIRL

     Our son was begging for a sibling before I was pregnant, so we may be different.  He was so excited, so we tried to involve him with as much as we could- ultrasounds, decorating nursery, purchasing items that would be needed and help picking her name.  If I had to pick 1 thing that helped the most with a "reality check", I would say the sibling class we took him to that the hospital provided.  It taught kids (ages 3-12) about what changes, how to hold the baby, and a video of babies showing what is normal (crying, no hair, diapers, umbilical cord, and even breast feeding). They lightly talked about jealously immediately after you are home, basically saying it was the babies birthday and they might have a lot of visitors just like at their birthday, and the baby may get birthday gifts.  Video also went over safety things for them like don't pick baby up by yourself, keep toys picked up, and don't feed baby anything that the parent didn't tell you too.  They provided time for the kids to ask questions and took them on a tour of the nursery.  DS LOVED IT!!  I would say skip the books and find an interactive age appropiate class for him.