NBR But I am so stressed

mamacrunch

I just have to let it out.

One of the biggest things that has been killing me is DH's baby mama drama. I am so tired of it. 

DH is court ordered to pay child support. His girls are 15 and 14. That man has paid his CS since I met him. I know for a fact. In our early relationship DH worked out of town gave me the money and I took it to the clerk of court and paid it. 

At one point DH got hurt at work. He fell off a cell phone tower, but thankfully his safety lanyard only let him fall 9 in. He his a steal rod which seriously f'ed his spine up. He was out of work for a whole year.

I struggled to pay CS for him. I didn't make enough to cover it, but I made effort. They served him papers to court found him in contempt and took him to jail. I had to pay that witch $5,000 i didn't have to get him out. 

2 years ago DH was put on state disability. I would like to say you can't pay bills and eat on that income. With him on disability his girls automatically get a check each month for CS. Kids we don't get to see, because there mom won't let us. DH will meet his kids in the mall to visit with them.

I was so shocked today when I answered my door to a cop holding papers for court. They are trying to saying he owes $23,000 in unpaid CS! In this state if you owe more than $2,500 it's automatic 6 months in jail.

So if we can't come up with 45% before next month. DH will go to jail. Since I am out of work for this pregnancy I will be homeless, bc I can't pay bills with no job, and I will be a single parent. LO will be 3 months old. 

I am having a major freak out. How can you get behind on CS you pay every month! That CS was based on $28/hour. DH disability amounts too $8/hour now.

I can't talk to DH bc he says my stress is causing him stress. 

pottermommy

I am sure you know this but you need a lawer.  I know that they cost more money but it will be less than it would be in the long run, and you need one soon.

I am so so sorry you have to stress about this right now, it is definately not the best time for this to be happening to you or him, and I am sure he is just as stressed.

They can't just take him to jail, they have to have a trial and you need to pull together the proof of the payments being made as well as the proof of you trying to make payments while he wasn't getting dissability. 

Honestly they may still make you use your tax returns to pay the back owed but with proof they won't send him to jail. 

I am so so so sorry you are going through all of this, if there is anything I can do please let me know.  It is no wonder you are stressing and worried about depression right now, not only are you up to your eyeballs in stress you feel all alone with it, just know that you aren't all alone.  If you need anything just let me know, I don't live that far from you after all, really anything I can do. You have gotten me through some really bad days and anything to return the favor.  Hugs*

 

mamacrunch

pottermommy:

I am sure you know this but you need a lawer.  I know that they cost more money but it will be less than it would be in the long run, and you need one soon.

I am so so sorry you have to stress about this right now, it is definately not the best time for this to be happening to you or him, and I am sure he is just as stressed.

They can't just take him to jail, they have to have a trial and you need to pull together the proof of the payments being made as well as the proof of you trying to make payments while he wasn't getting dissability. 

Honestly they may still make you use your tax returns to pay the back owed but with proof they won't send him to jail. 

I am so so so sorry you are going through all of this, if there is anything I can do please let me know.  It is no wonder you are stressing and worried about depression right now, not only are you up to your eyeballs in stress you feel all alone with it, just know that you aren't all alone.  If you need anything just let me know, I don't live that far from you after all, really anything I can do. You have gotten me through some really bad days and anything to return the favor.  Hugs*

 

I talked to my MIL today and she is going to talk to her lawyer and see if he will meet us this week. I hope he will let me get on a payment plan. 

When I had to pay the $5000 he only had to stay in jail one night. 

I have already called the disability office and they told me he had to come up there with his ss card and DL and they would print us copies of every check they sent her for them.

What makes me so mad is I had to borrow on my 401k 2 years ago to her where he could leave jail and she went on vacation, then called us 2/3 weeks later and told us we needed to step up and pay her a little extra because it was Christmas and she didn't have money to buy the Christmas presents. B***h I just paid you 5000 dollars use that to buy Christmas. 

I turned it the tag on my car this month just so I could have workers remove the mold in the house from water damage before the baby comes. When she (EX) don't have a job and pays her rent with his kids cs checks. 

That *** ain't right Pottermommy! I took traditional vows when I married my H, for better or  for worst, and I believe that if you make a child you damn well better be ready to support it.

But If I loose my H and my babies father I don't know what I am going to do. 

I can't go to work. I am in my 7th month. I have no more savings. When I tried to get st disability through work they denied me  for pre existing condition.

authorofdreamz

anmagyari:

I am having a major freak out. How can you get behind on CS you pay every month! That CS was based on $28/hour. DH disability amounts too $8/hour now.

When he got put on disability did he file paperwork stating the change in income which should (at least in my state) have changed the amount of CS he paid. I know my dad got in huge trouble because he got promotions and raises and didn't file his paperwork so he was making way more than the original CS was based on and so he owed my mom A LOT. I know he was just able to file the paperwork and then set up a payment plan with my mom to pay the extra amount owed to her. It sounds kind of like your situation is similar but reversed so I am wondering if maybe it is due to a paperwork mix up and could be solved by just filing the proper paperwork and proving that he has been paying the right amount based off of the lower income.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now. I hope everything is able to be resolved quickly and easily. 

pottermommy

No it isn't right, it isn't right at all.  And I agree with the traditional vows and standing by your husband and his past.  You are doing the right thing there is no question about it.

Most lawyers will agree to payments or even waiting till the outcome. 

May I suggest going to your local unemployment office with verification of pregnancy dissability, they do have programs for short term dissability that bypass your job, federal aid is there for situations like this, not those that just take advantage of it for no reason.

Your H has all the proof the lawyer needs to get this at the very least reduced if not repealed completely. And yes being a daddy means supporting your kids but so does being a mom so it is her job to support them as well and judges know that.  They won't expect him to be soley in charge of her bills.

I understand the water damage totally, that is why Gabriel had no walls, we had a bathroom leak right off of his room and there was mold in them, it was terrible expensive but had to be done for his sake.

Now, with a good laywer at the very most they will arrange some sort of middle ground with back payments comming out of income tax returns, and when Austin is here he will recieve a SSI check since his dad gets one, but you have to apply for it, it isn't automatic, as for that matter, as his spouse you should be recieving one too and keep in mind that they can't take your money or YOUR taxes, you claim injured spouse and they can't touch it.

 

mamacrunch

authorofdreamz:

anmagyari:

I am having a major freak out. How can you get behind on CS you pay every month! That CS was based on $28/hour. DH disability amounts too $8/hour now.

When he got put on disability did he file paperwork stating the change in income which should (at least in my state) have changed the amount of CS he paid. I know my dad got in huge trouble because he got promotions and raises and didn't file his paperwork so he was making way more than the original CS was based on and so he owed my mom A LOT. I know he was just able to file the paperwork and then set up a payment plan with my mom to pay the extra amount owed to her. It sounds kind of like your situation is similar but reversed so I am wondering if maybe it is due to a paperwork mix up and could be solved by just filing the proper paperwork and proving that he has been paying the right amount based off of the lower income.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now. I hope everything is able to be resolved quickly and easily. 

No we didn't fill out anything. They sent us paperwork telling us when his checks would start and how much it would be and how much each kid would get. Because he never married their mom we filled out a paper denying a dna test and stating they are infact his children, but that's it.

mamacrunch

pottermommy:

No it isn't right, it isn't right at all.  And I agree with the traditional vows and standing by your husband and his past.  You are doing the right thing there is no question about it.

Most lawyers will agree to payments or even waiting till the outcome. 

May I suggest going to your local unemployment office with verification of pregnancy dissability, they do have programs for short term dissability that bypass your job, federal aid is there for situations like this, not those that just take advantage of it for no reason.

Your H has all the proof the lawyer needs to get this at the very least reduced if not repealed completely. And yes being a daddy means supporting your kids but so does being a mom so it is her job to support them as well and judges know that.  They won't expect him to be soley in charge of her bills.

I understand the water damage totally, that is why Gabriel had no walls, we had a bathroom leak right off of his room and there was mold in them, it was terrible expensive but had to be done for his sake.

Now, with a good laywer at the very most they will arrange some sort of middle ground with back payments comming out of income tax returns, and when Austin is here he will recieve a SSI check since his dad gets one, but you have to apply for it, it isn't automatic, as for that matter, as his spouse you should be recieving one too and keep in mind that they can't take your money or YOUR taxes, you claim injured spouse and they can't touch it.

 

Being on Disability he doesn't  have taxes to take. His income is considered unearned income. They can't take my taxes unless we filed jointly. I know Austin will recieve a check through his daddy when he is born. We already looked in to spousal assistant's through disability, we don't qualify.

I have not been to the unemployment office for my pregnancy bc 1) pride 2) The last time I was on unemployment the 3 things was ready able and willing. To call in your week. 

I am at a point though where I am going to have to suck up my pride and do it anyways. 

*EDIT spelling

pottermommy

I know it is hard to think about the assitance of unemployment. I have been thinking about what to do when they do take me fully out of work instead of just the modified hours.

But this isn't about ready willing or able, and it will be considered federal short term dissability.  I think that the PP was right though, if you show that his income changed and file the correct forms this very well could all jsut be cleared up.  Especially since he is on dissability and they keep records of all that. 

Though I thought the spouse automatically got the unemplyment benefits too....I never knew you had to qualify for it.  And it is good that they can't touch yours.  

My DH has custody of Katelyn but his ex kidmapped her and filed custody in a different county a few years back and just as a precaution he had to pull together all his earnings and they told us not to include mine.  Granted we have papers showing she is only allowed supervised visits b/c of abuse/neglect so it all went away quickly and now we have nothing to do with her.

She doesn't even call or show up to the supervised visits, mind you once she realised there would be no money she pretty much dissapeared.  I hate it when mom's try to use their kids as a paycheck, it happens a lot and to alot of really good dads.  It sounds like his girl's mom is a peice of work herself.    

Eris-Alexis

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.  I can only imagine how difficult all of that would be.  I have a 16 year old SD and her mom sounds a lot like your DH's baby mama (won't get a job, relies on CS, etc), but definitely not to the same extent.  I think Pottermommy gave you some great advice and it is definitely worth talking to a lawyer. 

Sending lots of T&Ps that everything works out and the whole thing is thrown out.  His payments should be reduced as his income has been drastically reduced.  ((Big HUGS))

GPickles

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this.  I have no idea about what can be done, but really hope you are able to get things straightened so your H doensn't have to go to jail.

mamacrunch

pottermommy:

I know it is hard to think about the assitance of unemployment. I have been thinking about what to do when they do take me fully out of work instead of just the modified hours.

But this isn't about ready willing or able, and it will be considered federal short term dissability.  I think that the PP was right though, if you show that his income changed and file the correct forms this very well could all jsut be cleared up.  Especially since he is on dissability and they keep records of all that. 

Though I thought the spouse automatically got the unemplyment benefits too....I never knew you had to qualify for it.  And it is good that they can't touch yours.  

My DH has custody of Katelyn but his ex kidmapped her and filed custody in a different county a few years back and just as a precaution he had to pull together all his earnings and they told us not to include mine.  Granted we have papers showing she is only allowed supervised visits b/c of abuse/neglect so it all went away quickly and now we have nothing to do with her.

She doesn't even call or show up to the supervised visits, mind you once she realised there would be no money she pretty much dissapeared.  I hate it when mom's try to use their kids as a paycheck, it happens a lot and to alot of really good dads.  It sounds like his girl's mom is a peice of work herself.    

I can say in my honest opinion she is NOT a good mom.

She doesn't hurt, abuse,neglect them. She is just too concerned with them socially out casting her; she lets them go to the Mall unsupervised, go to the boyfriends house, cuss. It is so disturbing. I have tried to make H take them away from her but he has this thing in his head (I really like to know why he thinks this) that a judge won't take girls away from their mom and give them to him. WTH not?

After today though I am not giving him a choice. The 14 year old posted on fb last week 

All I want is just one person to actually be proud of me for the good things I do; ONEDAMNPERSON; But I guess that's too much to ask for. -.-

and

Stupid ***; MY boyfriend don't want your ugly ass; Only your nasty ass boyfriend does; So leave mine alone; Mmkay bitchh? Kaythanks.

and my personal fav

 

I've been up three days; Aderall and Red Bull; This call is a mistake; There's something strong in this water bottle. ?

Like ?

What the hell does that mean she don't take adderall, not that I know of. I finally showed this to DH and he says what can I do?

You are their father you can do something! 

This is another big thing I have been stressed over.

 

 

pottermommy

well ley him know that we live in the Carolinas too and my DH has custody of a little girl, and has since before her mom got hit with only limited visitation.  You jsut have to prove you are the better more stable parent and you are what they need.  Now at 14 if she wanted to she could choose to live with you.

If not then take it court along with all of this, but you need to copy and paste the FB status' b/c she can freese them and then they aren't usable.  I hope all this clears up for you both b/c baby mama drama is aweful. 

mamacrunch

pottermommy:

well ley him know that we live in the Carolinas too and my DH has custody of a little girl, and has since before her mom got hit with only limited visitation.  You jsut have to prove you are the better more stable parent and you are what they need.  Now at 14 if she wanted to she could choose to live with you.

If not then take it court along with all of this, but you need to copy and paste the FB status' b/c she can freese them and then they aren't usable.  I hope all this clears up for you both b/c baby mama drama is aweful. 

Yea I printed them bc I was afraid she would delete it or something. Thank y'all I am going to get in the shower and let the water work out the knots in my neck.

 

biddy53178

Oh that so sucks~ I agree with PP that you need a lawyer. My best friend has been with the same guy forever (like 10 years)- same situation- his daughter is in HS and doesn't see him bc her mother has filled her head with such trash. He was out of work years ago for a year almost, on unemployment which didn't pay enough for him to pay his CS to the full amount and live and now the interest alone for that time is still killing him. He and my best friend can't get married until his daughter is 18 because in California they will garnish her wages if he gets married. Its so f-ed up! They are expecting their first baby a few weeks before DH and I and I just feel bad for her because she can't marry him-