GTKY - Loss board

Shayna0182

I am so grateful for this new board.  I'm not quite sure where I fit in.  I have a wonderful ds, who turned 2 in June,  but I have also lost 2 daughters.  One at 17 weeks pregnancy in 2007,  the other at 29 weeks in 2010.  

My problems are not getting pregnant, with all of my pregnancies I have had a placental abruption, and only ds survived.  He was born at 33 weeks and spent 5 weeks in the nicu.

Most days I am fine, but I wonder if I'll ever feel the way I did before I had children.  I used to be really happy, and joyful about life.  Even though I love ds,  I miss my daughters.  I'm not even sure my husband understands, and that's caused some distance between us.

Sorry that was a bit long!  I look forward to getting to know you ladies!  

 

Heatherhah

I am happy this board is now here, I recently lost my daughter at 38wks 3 days she was 10lb 3 oz the doctors scheduled my c section for 5 days when she was still healthy and had a heart beat they think she compressed her own cord  2 days later and passed away 9/30/11 i am barely dealing with this but i do hope to connect with other ladies who know how i feel. I am heart broken and miss my daughter every second it is still so new it is horrible. I ahve a dd that is 3 1/2 and a son that is 17.

Heather

lovemymaddy

Hi there girls. Like you, I'm so glad that we have this board now. Although I know we wouldn't wish this on anyone I am glad that I now have some people to talk to all of this about.

 We lost our little boy just about 3 weeks ago due to complications of a placental abruption as well. I just came back to work today and so far it's gone okay I guess...however the times that I'm sitting here alone are rough and sad as my mind goes directly to him of course.   We are certainly very lucky to have our little girl at home. She's in my ticker below. Thank goodness for her as she always know when we need a laugh or smile from her right now.  ((hugs)) to all of you.  I wish we didn't have to be here...

krysiahamaty

I lost my son a week and 3 days ago at 38 weeks. I am still heart broken and a complete mess. DH hasn't gone back to work yet because he does not want to leave me alone. I wake up hoping to hear Jack crying from his nursery. I still feel like this is one big nightmare. And I believe this is truly unfair. DH and I jumped through hurdles to get pregnant and Jack was taken away at 38 weeks.

We are still waiting for autopsy and genetic test results. I saw the Dr. yesterday and he pretty much cleared us to start TTCing when we feel up to it. Emotionally I'm not there just yet but I do want to try sooner than later.

I'm glad to have this board as a support group. Though, of course, I do not wish this upon anyone.

I miss my angel so, so much and I still can't believe the days are passing and he is not here. Today is a bad day and I don't know how I am going to get through.

thank you for "listening".

Shayna0182

lovemymaddy:

Hi there girls. Like you, I'm so glad that we have this board now. Although I know we wouldn't wish this on anyone I am glad that I now have some people to talk to all of this about.

 We lost our little boy just about 3 weeks ago due to complications of a placental abruption as well. I just came back to work today and so far it's gone okay I guess...however the times that I'm sitting here alone are rough and sad as my mind goes directly to him of course.   We are certainly very lucky to have our little girl at home. She's in my ticker below. Thank goodness for her as she always know when we need a laugh or smile from her right now.  ((hugs)) to all of you.  I wish we didn't have to be here...

Do you find that it's also harder to have a lo at home to take care of, while trying to grieve.  In the days after losing Hannah, it wasn't so bad, because I was recovering physically,  my mom was helping us with ds, and we were taking care of funeral arrangements.  After the funeral,  I felt like I had to hold all the sadness in so ds wouldn't be as affected by it,  even though he was just 1 at the time.  Like I felt guilty for crying around him.  I actually think that had I gave myself permission for just sobbing all day,  it would have been easier. 

That's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't had a loss. 

lovemymaddy

Shayna0182:

lovemymaddy:

Hi there girls. Like you, I'm so glad that we have this board now. Although I know we wouldn't wish this on anyone I am glad that I now have some people to talk to all of this about.

 We lost our little boy just about 3 weeks ago due to complications of a placental abruption as well. I just came back to work today and so far it's gone okay I guess...however the times that I'm sitting here alone are rough and sad as my mind goes directly to him of course.   We are certainly very lucky to have our little girl at home. She's in my ticker below. Thank goodness for her as she always know when we need a laugh or smile from her right now.  ((hugs)) to all of you.  I wish we didn't have to be here...

Do you find that it's also harder to have a lo at home to take care of, while trying to grieve.  In the days after losing Hannah, it wasn't so bad, because I was recovering physically,  my mom was helping us with ds, and we were taking care of funeral arrangements.  After the funeral,  I felt like I had to hold all the sadness in so ds wouldn't be as affected by it,  even though he was just 1 at the time.  Like I felt guilty for crying around him.  I actually think that had I gave myself permission for just sobbing all day,  it would have been easier. 

That's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't had a loss. 

We actually continued to send DD to her babysitter for about 3-4 days of each week because of just that. We had so many things to plan and take care and yes, grieve our little boy that it was more helpful for her to stay in her regular routine and be at the sitter. It would have been hard for her to be home that's for sure.  

drvst8

I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm also glad to see this new board. I've looked at some other boards and most of them deal with miscarriages. Stillbirths are definitely different.

 My name is Dana and I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks back in July of 2010. It took awhile but we concieved again in Jan 2011. My son Logan was due 9/25/2011. He was being stubborn though. I went to my OB 9/26 everthing was perfect. Nice strong heartbeat. I was suppose to have a follow up appt 10/3 for NST and fluid check. And they were going to induce me if he was still being stubborn. But on 9/27 I started having contractions not close enough together to go to the hospital. I felt him move that night. The next morning contractions were closer. So we went to the hospital. Got to the OB triage room to check in. They put a monitor on me to check my contractions and his heartbeat. But there was nothing. They told me that there was no heartbeat. We were shocked. He was fine hours before. The drs. continued my labor and at 12:39am on 9/29 I delivered my son sleeping. He was a perfect 7lbs 15 oz. and 21 inches long.

Thank you for listening and I look forward to hearing more from all of you.

mrssoprano

Hi ladies- I'll just do a quick intro. The whole story is in my blog which is in my siggy. Our baby girl was stillborn 2 wks ago at exactly 21w. My doctor just called yesterday to say all of my blood work, the baby, and placenta were normal. It's hard to have no idea what happened. I'm glad we have this new board but sorry we all have to be here.

Mjmksb04

I do have a pg ticker, so just wanted to put the warning up (not sure if we are doing that over here).

 

Hugs to all of you and I am so sorry for your losses. We lost my DD at 14 days old in January of this year. I had a noneventful pregnancy and we had no reason to think she was anything but healthy until we went to her one week check up. Long story short, we were referred that day to a pediatric cardiologist who diagnosed her with congenital heart failure, then transferred via ambulance to the hospital where she got progressively worse over the 5 days she was hospitalized and ended up passing away. Its been nothing short of a nightmare, the whole experience and everything. Its not that I don't think about her, I just try not to focus on it because it would really be too hard to go on if I thought about her constantly. I am almost through the first year and it has been hard. Its hard to go through what would have been her milestones, the changes of seasons, holidays, without thinking of what she would have been like. Anyway, I am here to give support if you ladies need anything.

Shayna0182

Mjmksb04:

I do have a pg ticker, so just wanted to put the warning up (not sure if we are doing that over here).

 

Hugs to all of you and I am so sorry for your losses. We lost my DD at 14 days old in January of this year. I had a noneventful pregnancy and we had no reason to think she was anything but healthy until we went to her one week check up. Long story short, we were referred that day to a pediatric cardiologist who diagnosed her with congenital heart failure, then transferred via ambulance to the hospital where she got progressively worse over the 5 days she was hospitalized and ended up passing away. Its been nothing short of a nightmare, the whole experience and everything. Its not that I don't think about her, I just try not to focus on it because it would really be too hard to go on if I thought about her constantly. I am almost through the first year and it has been hard. Its hard to go through what would have been her milestones, the changes of seasons, holidays, without thinking of what she would have been like. Anyway, I am here to give support if you ladies need anything.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your angel.  I don't think you ever get past the milestones.  Even now,  my first dd was due on 08/27/07, and every year I think of how old she would be and what she would look like.  I don't think that ever goes away.  It just gets less difficult over time. 

Hugs to you, and congrats on your pregnancy!

roxyttandme

I am also glad this board is here. My DH and I aren't trying yet - although plan on doing so soon enough. I don't really belong at TTCAL and most of the ladies I bonded with are now at PAaL. 

Look forward to getting to you know you ladies.  

magdalina.h

*ticker warning*

 

My son, Aidan Christopher, was born at 28w4d. I went in for a normal u/s and they determined that my cord was no longer providing nutrients to him. After many more u/s with the MFM dr they also determined the cord was wrapped around his neck twice. I went in for an emergency c-section. They had to perform CPR on him when he came out, but once he was breathing he was fine for his GA. The next day they noticed something was wrong and sent him for a scan of his brain. They found a massive bleed. He fought for 7 days, but the bleed took out the entire left side of his brain and part of his right. His body was shutting down. On his 8th day, we took him off the machines. He passed away in my arms on his daddy's birthday.

We had our rainbow baby a year and 20 days later. I was monitored very closely (had over 30 u/s from 28w to 38w)

I miss Aidan so much and having Lucas has helped a little, but it has also made it a little worse. I wish I had my Aidster back.

 

nidawi6

Hey everybody, I've been posting on the Pregnancy Loss board for a while, but I found myself always searching for the late loss people, glad to know I can just come here from now on. My full story is posted on facesofloss.com, it's kind of long. I basically lost her at 24 weeks due to a blood clotting disorder that caused developmental issues in the placenta and may have caused the pre-eclampsia which forced me to deliver her before she was strong enough to survive.

 https://facesofloss.com/2011/10/3218.html#more-3218 

schenkertobe

Warning:::: DS pictures in siggy::::

 

I am glad this board is here, but very sorry that we all "belong" here. I lost my sweet twin boys on 4/24/10 at 23w1d. I was diagnosed with incompetent cervix at my 20 week anatomy scan and was on strict hospital bedrest. I had a placental abruption, my water broke, and my boys were delivered that night and passed away shortly after being born. My rainbow baby was due 1 yr to the exact day that I delivered my twins, but he came two months early.

Hugs. 

SockMonkeySam

::Warning DS in Siggy::

 

Jay and I have always wanted to start a family. We talked about it and tried for years. Due to PCOS, my cycles were irregular, so we did 4 rounds of clomid with no sucess. We than moved on to Follistim and found out were were pregnant on our first wedding anniversary.

In Dec 2009, we found out we were pregnant with triplets. My heart was so excited for having been trying so long that I was blessed with 3.

In January 2010 baby C, was slowly slipping away and we lost the little bean. The twins were growing right on schedule. In March 2010, I was getting increasing pain, called the Doc who told me to keep my feet up and drink water. Monday came around and I was still being knocked to the ground with pain, called and made an appointment. I was 23 weeks. They discovered I was 4 cm dialated with my bag of water buldging.. I was rushed to L&D. I was told by the NICU that if my water broke there was nothing they could do.. Such awful words.

My water broke the next morning, and my daughter weighting 9.9 ozs was born at 3:05 pm 3/23/10. I actually stopped being in labor, I started to close up but due to risk of infection, the next morning I was induced and my son's water was broken and they forced him into the world. He was 1lb 7 ozs. They were so perfect and not a day goes by that I don't hurt for them, or relive the feelings.

We took some time to TTC on our own, and at 8 months my insurance was being changed so we took our last round of covered fertility drugs and I was lucky to get pregnant with Zachary. He's my rainbow and my life.

((HUGS to everyone))

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

jgengo0

We lost one of our twin daughters at 26 weeks.

It was the weirdest thing. All of a sudden an "off feeling" came over me. I got out the doppler and could not find Lilah (Baby B's) heart beat. I figured maybe she was in an odd position. Next morning I made an appointment where it was confirmed she had passed. They had zero answers. Everything looked normal. Worst day of my life. I not only felt extreme loss, but also have never been more frightened. I was so worried we would lose Audra too. They couldn't tell me everything would be ok. We had to "wait and see." I would never wish the next 9 weeks on anyone. I literally used the doppler every hour to check on Audra. Lilah was right under my ribs and I could easily feel her head, torture.

Today Audra is a 100% healthy, beautiful little girl and we are incredibly thankful.  However, I often find myself very depressed. I constantly try to imagine what it would have been like to have both of them. Every time I pass her footprints we have framed I have to hold back tears. Every day gets a bit better and I remind myself how lucky I am that I didn't lose both. yet, it's very very hard.

illinigal

I'm sorry any of us have to be here, but I'm hopeful we will be able to find comfort together.

IVF 3 brought us twin boys, but unfortunately they were born too soon at 18w1d. I got to hold them after they were born, and I will never forget that.

Shayna0182

magdalina.h:

*ticker warning*

 

My son, Aidan Christopher, was born at 28w4d. I went in for a normal u/s and they determined that my cord was no longer providing nutrients to him. After many more u/s with the MFM dr they also determined the cord was wrapped around his neck twice. I went in for an emergency c-section. They had to perform CPR on him when he came out, but once he was breathing he was fine for his GA. The next day they noticed something was wrong and sent him for a scan of his brain. They found a massive bleed. He fought for 7 days, but the bleed took out the entire left side of his brain and part of his right. His body was shutting down. On his 8th day, we took him off the machines. He passed away in my arms on his daddy's birthday.

We had our rainbow baby a year and 20 days later. I was monitored very closely (had over 30 u/s from 28w to 38w)

I miss Aidan so much and having Lucas has helped a little, but it has also made it a little worse. I wish I had my Aidster back.

 

Magdalina,  I remember you from the ml/pl board.  I'm so glad that you had a perfect rainbow baby.  I've never really lurked on the PAL board so I didn't know when you had Lucas.  I was over on the ml-pl board last summer of 2010 when we lost Hannah. 

Are you doing ok? 

easjer05

The entire history is in my bio, but I lost my son Gabriel at 21w due to undiagnosed cervical damage from a previous cervical pregnancy.  His pregnancy was enormously complicated with many issues, though he was always perfect and healthy.  Four days before he was born, we were told that everything was fine, the problems had cleared and he was a healthy, big boy.  We were so in love for those four days and then - then.

My water broke, we think.  There may have been a placental abruption as well.  Contractions, labor, hospital, negligent care, and they told me I was 6 cm and there was nothing they could do.  He was born, and lived for about 30 minutes, and both DH and I got to hold him and tell him  how loved he was while he was alive.  He died in DH's arms.

That was a little over two years ago.  Things are different now - I want to let people know that.  There does come a point at which you live life and actually enjoy it and don't feel guilty because you are enjoying it while your baby is still dead.  I promise.

 I found a wonderful place with fantastic writers that helped me tremendously- www.glowinthewoods.com - it is for babylost parents.  The regular contributors are all sorts with different stories, and yet it's wonderful because there is a resonance in all baby loss, a commonality we all share.  Reading their words early on was a lifeline.  The discussion boards are a safe place for me to be 100% open about my current pregnancy and the overwhelming fears I've had.  

Love to all of you beautiful mothers.

starrkitten89

I posted my detailed intro above,but I would like to say that while I wish none of us were here,I am glad to see this board exists now.

I lost my daughter Adria when she was 11 months old from various complications during her hospitalization.We stayed at children's hospital boston for the first 8 months of A's life,about 2 hours away from our home.I stayed at the hospital in a parent sleep area,and my DH stayed at home so he could work,and came to see us on the weekends and once during the week.She was transferred mid-May to a hospital closer to home for us.In July,she went into kidney failure which eventually led us to move to comfort measures only.

Her full story is very long,but you can find it here:

www.carepages.com/carepages/adriasstory

you do have to register,but it's free.