18 months apart? how hard will it really be?

jessamommy2

my friend is having a new baby girl when her son will be 18 months. I personally couldnt do it.. i have a 3 yr old and am just now ready to start trying.. .. was it really really hard in the beginning  and/ or is it harder when they are both toddlers running around? thanks

juliane2004

My two are 14 months apart. The hardest thing is just that they don't always nap at the same time, so we are stuck in the house a lot more than if I just had 1 toddler.

It's really not as hard as people say.  I like it. We actually were trying for #3, but miscarried that pregnancy. If it was successful, it would've been 15 months younger than DS (3 kids under 2.5 yrs). I was so excited!

ETA: DS isn't walking yet, and is still a baby so I can't comment on the '2 toddlers running around'.

kfriscia

Mine are 19 months apart. I didn't really find it to be that hard. I mean it isn't EASY but definitely manageable once you get into a good routine. I had good sleepers which I think helped. I think now that they are 3.5 and 21 months is a tiny bit harder then when they were babies. There was just a fist fight over two trains that looked the same to me.

laura1

Mine are 15 months apart - and DS did just fine with DD in the beginning.  Was I busy?  Yes, but DD was a great baby, DS was nice to her, and we got along just fine.  Now that I have a 2.5 year old and a 16 month old?  Hands down 10x harder than the newborn phase for me.  DS is in the middle of the terrible 2's, DD is walking around with no sense of danger, and is in the middle of the food throwing stage.  

Don't get me wrong, we have fun - they play together, and it is great watching their personalities come out.   But it is hard!!

kcisthebombdotcom

It's really going to depend on the temperaments of the baby/toddler.

I didnt have that hard a time with 2 kids 12 months apart, and now they are starting to interact and play together, life is even easier.

My youngest isnt fully mobile yet (crawling/cruising/standing, but not yet walking) but it hasnt gotten that much more difficult due to that. I wear my youngest in a carrier a lot, so I will continue to do that so I will only have 1 to chase in public places.

marielovestimothy03

Mine are 16.5 months apart and I didn't think it was too hard. I got them on a similar nap schedule early on, got out with them as much as I could, and just learned to juggle! I loved it and I'm excited to have another almost as close in age (#3 will be 19.5 months younger than #2 I believe). It's especially fun right now, they play together and interact so much. It's been a lot of fun. My youngest is about to start walking but has been mobile (crawling) since about 6.5 months. It's gotten a bit more hectic since that but nothing too crazy yet Not that it isn't hard work, but it was MUCH easier than I thought it would be. Ask me again when my 2nd is walking and I'm trying to chase two toddlers with my awesome pregnancy waddle ;-)

sweetpea2003

Meh, I don't think that there is a "perfect" time honestly.  It is always challenging to introduce a new baby into the mix.  I think the only reason people tend to think it is easier when the babies have a bigger gap is because the older one tends to be in preschool or school for a good chunk of the day.  But in terms with the transition for the kids involved, I actually think smaller age gaps are easier.

My DS and nephew were born one day apart.  My DD and my older nephew are 2 years apart.  So when we had our babies my DD was 16 months and adjusting to her new brother and my nephew was almost 3.5 and adjusting to his new brother.  My 3.5 year old nephew had a MUCH harder time than my 16 month old daughter.  And now that my DD is a little over 2 and my son is 10 months, they have a lot more in common than my 4 year old nephew and his 10 month old brother.

So.....  I guess I feel like it is a personal family decision and there isn't any "right" way.  There is actually no good research that indicates any "best" age gap for kids. 

And please tell me that you haven't given her the "I could never do that..." line.  I hate that line (I hear it all the time right now with my kids and deployed husband) and find it to be incredibly rude.

 

12bailey18

Mine are almost 19 months apart and I don't find it that hard. Busy and chaotic but not hard. It really depends on the toddler and the baby. All I know is this so to me, it's not that bad. Going out alone is tough at times but I plan ahead and prepare, which really helps!

12bailey18

I almost forgot! My sole mission for the day is to make sure they nap at the same time in the afternoon. It works wonders!! That leaves the morning to go out and do our activities, they nap in the afternoon and I have a few hours to myself. I highly recommend at least trying to get them to nap at the same time. It's a life saver.

Bride2b2004

KC_13:

It's really going to depend on the temperaments of the baby/toddler.

 This.  If you get pg shortly, my first two will be the same age difference (just under 4 years) and I would NOT say it is easy.  It is a big adjustment to a child who has been an "only" for 4 years to have a sibling.  It is great in its own way, but hard too.  My 2nd two will be 19 months apart and my 2nd son will never remember life before younger sibling.  Yes, it might be hectic chasing 2 toddlers around, but my 5 year old wants to go play at friends, play soccer, go here and there and that is pretty hectic too.  So I would say there is no "easy" time/way to add children, it is just what timing works best for your family overall... and I would advise keeping your "I couldn't do it" to yourself, because it sounds judgy and rude (nobody is asking you to do it) and you actually never know until you are there.  If you have #2 and find you want #3 you might decide the larger age gap isn't as wonderful as you might expect or don't want to wait 3 years before diving into the newborn stage all over again.

cindydee

Mine are 18 months apart and it is not hard at all, I love it!

WhitePicketFence

My girls are 18 months apart. While I certainly don't consider it to be easy, it hasn't been nearly as difficult as I imagined it would be. The hardest part is probably having to function all day with DD1 when I have a bad night with DD2 (I'm a SAHM). It's also been fairly difficult for me to get out of the house on my own with both of them (I'm almost always late), but the more I do it, the easier it has gotten. I can't comment on what it's like to have two toddlers running around yet, but there are plenty of times where one child is left to cry for a bit while I care for the other child. It really comes down to learning how to juggle both of their needs.

I've been pretty lucky in that both girls sleep pretty well. For the most part, they tend to nap at the same time every afternoon so I get some free time to myself.

Regardless of the spacing between children, there will be benefits and setbacks. You just learn to deal with it.