s/o information sharing...
Krisx2
member
Rant:
Reading the post below about CP sharing info/pictures/updates really irritated me. We are in a long distance parenting situation. In the 4 years that DH and I have been together, he has received 1 text/picture of SD's Halloween costume (2 years ago), 1 phone call about SD's orthodontic plans (3 months after the appointment and after DH already received the transcripts from the orthodontist, BM didn't know), 1 copy of her report card, and a few communications about her life in MT (all initiated by DH). BM didn't even tell DH about taking SD to the ER until 2 months later when she wanted it paid for because "SD is old enough to decide what is important to tell you and what's not". Well, SD didn't mention it except to say she was sick with Strep, she was more interested in telling DH about the newest show on Disney (she is a freaking CHILD and should not be the messenger about things like ER visits, IMO).
I feel like unless he goes directly to the source (calls for transcripts from ER, dentist, doctors, teachers) that BM feels he is not privy to any extra information that SD doesn't want to mention. He has asked a couple of times for information about SD and the majority of the time BM gets huffy and pulls the "It's none of your business" card. BM even told SD that she was not "allowed" to send us pictures with her letters when SD asked to print some (we send a monthly letter with some pictures, mostly of her sister, to let SD know we are thinking of her).
I wish that BM would send us updates or information or pictures or ANYTHING more than once a year when she is in a good mood. We only saw SD's first day of school picture this year because DH is friends with BM's sister on facebook. Even that caused problems because BM told her sister not to post anything with SD on facebook anymore or she wouldn't let her see her niece again because she doesn't want DH "snooping" in her business. He just commented that SD's outfit was cute.
I'm just jealous of CP's that want to share their children with the other parent and try to CO-parent. It's hard on DH to be an outsider in his own child's life, especially when he's a father that actually tries hard to be involved.
Rant over.
Mio Marito per Sempre: Married 2009. SD is 12 yrs. DD is 4 yrs.
DS born 12/29/14
Re: s/o information sharing...
Can't you just contact the school to get things mailed to you directly? These days, schools are going to paperless notifications, so perhaps you can log in to SD's class information. If there is a problem with the school, take the custody agreement with you indicating that you have the right to the information.
If it is worth it to you, take her to court and have the custody agreement rewritten to require her to inform you of all school activities, medical appointments and ER trips. Nothing in writing can force BM to be a decent co-parent, but you can force her to provide you with important information.
Pro Engagement Pics ~ Pro Wedding Pics
DH already has a "parent account" with the schools online system. So he does get some information that way and they have even called him once. But it's a smaller town and they don't seem to be that tech savvy....meaning that the teachers never update the assignments so to us it appears as though SD never turns in homework when in reality she has. Plus we never get any information about back to school night, parent teacher conferences, or school pictures. That's exactly what DH would like to participate in. Last year we asked BM for some of SD's school pictures for our scrapbook (even offered to reimburse for a 4X6 copy) and she gave us ONE 1X1 sticker picture of SD. DH is probably just going to have to call the secretary and get on the mailing list.
The CO does state that BM is supposed to inform DH of all medical activities and that DH has free access to any information. She just chooses to ignore the CO. DH has all of SD's medical records, but it costs us money to request medical/dental/orthodontic records each year since BM won't willingly share the information. We are in the process of updating the CO, but it's a slow process and we haven't even made it to mediation yet (filed in June).
Mio Marito per Sempre: Married 2009. SD is 12 yrs. DD is 4 yrs.
DS born 12/29/14
She turns 9 next week. I understand that she should be able to communicate some information to DH. But things like an ER trip, which should have required his input before occurring, are not her responsibility. It states in the CO that SD is not to be used as a messenger. But BM only is interested in following the CO when it is to her benefit monetarily.
Mio Marito per Sempre: Married 2009. SD is 12 yrs. DD is 4 yrs.
DS born 12/29/14
Pro Engagement Pics ~ Pro Wedding Pics
I'm really sorry that my post made you feel bad in any way.
The whole problem with 'sharing' really can go either way.
Whenever I see a SM post about not getting any info from BM, I really wonder if one day someone will be saying that about me. It's so hard to know what the other parent wants to know.. and when you have a divorce or failed relationship and all of that drama going on, communication is usually crap.
To be honest, now that 5 years have passed, if XH started asking questions, my reaction would be "waaaait, what? why do you want to know?" I might not say that, but I would definitely think it.
I don't know much about your story, and have no idea if you've done this. But maybe during a calm time, your H should either call or write BM and tell her that he wants to support her in parenting their daughter. And he wants to improve his relationship with her and open up the lines of communication. If BM is at all receptive, he should tell her what he wants to know.