What did you tell work?

Steph_NJ

I have a D&C scheduled for Thursday, but I had some spotting last night. Now I'm at work and the bleeding is picking up. Some cramping, nothing terrible yet, like a period.

I'm over an hour from home, and worried that things will get more intense soon, so my tentative plan is to tell my boss I'm not feeling well and go home early afternoon.

Did you tell your bosses/coworkers that you miscarried? I was planning on just chalking it up to a stomach virus or something and keep calling out as needed. But I think they're already wondering what's been going on b/c I've missed time for repeated u/s and yesterday I came in late b/c I had to do preadmission testing at the hospital, for my D&C.

My boss is terrific and would be supportive, but I'm not that close to her and don't want lots of sympathy and follow-up from her either. Just telling people what's going on would be easier in some ways though.

Is there a general "medical issues" line that anyone used that I could use? I'm drawing a blank. Should I be running out the door to get home now? Not sure what to expect. Sorry for the rambling message. 

kelandkeith540

At the time I found our I was going to miscarry, I had a business trip planned.  I told my boss I could no longer travel "for medical reasons."  I stayed out of work a couple of days that week to make it look legit (even though the miscarriage had not fully kicked into gear yet).

When I did finally miscarry, I pulled the stomach virus card...no one questioned me. 

You really don't owe anyone any explanations...it's really whatever you're comfortable with.  I did tell my colleague who I work closest with just so she'd know what my deal was. 

Steph_NJ

Thanks!! I was so afraid of miscarrying at work, and now it's happening. I'm pretty frazzled. Now I just got a call that I dropped my wristlet on the train, which had credit cards, my phone, etc. The transit police have it so now I have to make an extra stop on the way home to get it out of lost and found. Not a good day. At least it sounds like it was turned in with everything intact from what the police are describing. 

ella.mabel

Do whatever you're comfortable with.  You could certainly use the "i'm having a medical issue that i'm not comfortable discussing" and that would probably put things to rest.  I didn't tell work anything because i had only been here about 6 months and wasn't really that close with anyone, but if i felt my boss was understanding and supportive, i probably would have told my boss only.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.  Hopefully you will be able to get some closure soon.  ((hugs))

Leggett44

I bit the bullet and went ahead and told my boss after a couple of days...since it was two weeks from the time my dr. said I was going to miscarry until I couldn't handle the stress and went ahead and had my d&c.  My boss was sympathetic and gave me a hug on a few occasions.

You should do what makes you feel most comfortable.  It is very personal and many people do not want to share any kind of medical information.

Steph_NJ

I agree, Yogitea. Thank you. I've found that anything dealing with maternity is considered a liability, that the dr's appts and time off required is something that the bosses think is a pain and that other employees are always checking to make sure that you're pulling your weight. I think that's a main reason I probably won't say anything -- I don't want to be seen as a liability.  

Amberbugg

I have told my closest co-worker, and I may tell my boss's secretary (she does the absence records and I trust her). I'm not close to most of the people I work with or my boss, but at the same time I would like to tell them that I have a legitimate reason for missing for the repeat us's and the eventual treatment. Mainly because I had a very rough year last year (depression meds ran out and my dr. didn't answer his phone!, bought a house and moved, started a new job, major issues with AF...etc.). Even though I didn't go over my alloted sick leave, I feel eyes watching me and questioning everytime I'm gone since I'm still kinda new here - just finished a full year.

But at the same time, it's such a sensitive topic, I'm not sure I want people that I barely know, and some that I dislike, knowing my business.

rab2006

I told my boss the truth. I wasn't sure how long I'd be out or what the next few days would bring me, so I wanted to be honest because I know FMLA would apply to any time I was out of work and that my position would be there, even if I was out a week or something. My boss was very understanding and actually even shared with me that she had also had a misscarriage (twins) with her first pregnancy (she now has two boys in their early to mid 20s).

peloquinJ

I told my boss about the m/c because previously I was having spotting and wanted to get out of a physically intense training. She just told everybody else that I was out sick when I had my D&C. When I came back I just went with whatever everybody assumed I think it was a stomach bug.

sasa625

I told my boss the truth. She is extremely sweet and supportive, and it never occurred to me not to tell her. I have a close friend at work who I told right away, and I also told my team (I'm in special ed) because I knew they would be concerned about me when I was out for a few days.

My boss ended up sending me flowers, which I thought was really sweet. I'm glad I told her because she's understanding now if I'm extra stressed or seem to be having a bad day.

PittPurple

I had just told my boss I was pregnant on the day I found out I m/c - I told her since I had to take off to go get an u/s. She was very supportive. A few people know at work but mostly I'm just going to say I was sick, for whatever reason I just feel uncomfortable talking about it at work. I'm taking 4 days off and planning to go in on Friday as I'm off for almost two weeks from next Wednesday for a planned trip to India.