Comforting DD after she gets in trouble

KathrynMD

I'm always a little confused about what to do when this happens.  This morning, we left the house and there was a bucket in the middle of the garage floor.  DD immediately started going for the bucket and asking "what's that?"  I was closing the door and couldn't see what was in it or get to it before her, so I just yelled - No!  That's dirty, don't touch it!"  It turned out it was empty (of course).  Anyway - DD was upset and stopped in her tracks and then started sobbing.  Same thing happened a few weeks ago when I walked in on her climbing her bookcase - and  yelled.

I don't want to negate the reaction I had - that these things are dangerous and shouldn't be repeated, but I also don't want to ignore the fact that she's upset and embarrassed. 

Janimal

Sounds like two different scenarios.  With the bucket, she wasn't doing anything wrong, but got yelled at.  I wouuld comfort her for that right away.  She was just naturally curious about the bucket and went to it.  And she listened when you told her to stop.  To me, that warrants praise for her doing as told and some comfort for being yelled at.

Climbing the bookcase is a different thing - assuming she has been taught not to climb on furniture - then she was doing something wrong to be corrected.

Anyway, what is the same about both scenarios is you yelling.  That seems to be the part that is upsetting her.  If you can work on yelling less, while still correcting her behavior to keep her safe, you can avoid some of those tears. 

kmhunt11

At the risk of sounding callous, maybe it's ok for her to be upset.  It's better than the opposite reaction of not caring at all- now that's a tough one to work with!  I never learned to deal with making someone angry or upset or getting in trouble as a kid, and I've paid for it as an adult.  I'm big time oversensitive to upsetting other people and getting yelled at.  I'd have her tell you in her own words why you had to yell/were scared/were angry/etc.  Then give her a hug and say "I'm ready to move on.  Are you ready to move on?  Ok great! Now what would you like to talk about?"  That way your point is made, but it's also clear it's what she did that caused the problem, not who she is.  I'm very careful to specify it's the action, not the child that is undesirable.    

KathrynMD

Janimal:

Anyway, what is the same about both scenarios is you yelling.  That seems to be the part that is upsetting her.  If you can work on yelling less, while still correcting her behavior to keep her safe, you can avoid some of those tears. 

I don't yell very much at all (and neither does anybody else around), I think that's why it is upsetting her.  I've tried very hard to only yell/raise my voice if something is dangerous so that when I do yell, it has an immediate impact.

Pesky

DD reacts in much the same way.  I simple say very calmly, "I'm sorry to raise my voice and that it upset you.  I did so to get your attention quickly in case it was/because it was a danger.  Thank you for listening so quickly.  That helps to keep you safe and that's what I want most."  DD seems to get that and still sniffs a bit and we go about our business.  I admit, I too would raise my voice in situations like that, especially the book case. 

shouldbworkin

I let DD cry for a bit and then I give her a hug.  she will cry b/c she's mad or embarrassed and actually not want me to hug her until she's over it and just upset ... that's when she needs the hug.  She still needs some help recovering.  It's just how she works. 

Mrs.JLC

In a situation like that I always yell "DD Stop, Danger" to get her attention and then continue correcting her. We also always talk about safety, seat belts, fire safety, strangers, etc and we have explained to her what she should do if she sees danger. This works to quickly grab her attention and seems to make her feel like I am alerting her rather than yelling at her. We always discuss the danger once the behavior has stopped so that gives me the opportunity to calmly discipline her if she is misbehaving.